Bondage has been around for centuries, involving and utilizing different materials such as metal handcuffs, nylon ropes, and other materials to restrict someone’s mobility, often in erotic and enjoyable ways.
To get started with bondage, learn the basics (handcuffs, ankle cuffs, bed restraints), then practice advanced techniques (rope work and more complex restraints).
While many devices are marketed specifically for bondage, it’s possible to use other materials like nylon rope or scarves.
Here is a guide on safely tying up your partner for maximum pleasure.
Table of Contents
Tying up your partner can be an exhilarating, intimate, and kinky experience for those in long term relationships or singletons just having fun. However, safety precautions are vital before engaging in bondage activities.
First and foremost, ensure that you have discussed the activity with your partner and that both are comfortable with it. You both must give enthusiastic consent (never hesitant, compelled, or manipulated consent) before proceeding.
Next, establish a safe word that either can use to indicate that the activity needs to stop. This is especially critical if one partner feels uncomfortable or overwhelmed and needs the action to either pause momentarily, slow down, or come to a complete stop.
Picking a word is easy; always choose one that both parties will remember. Therefore, the name of a character from a show that only you watch is probably not the best idea. In the same realm, selecting words that are difficult to pronounce is not the best idea either.
The easiest safe words are green, yellow, and red. Green means that the activity is safe and can proceed, and yellow means that something is slightly off and further discussion is required.
For example, your partner might yell ‘yellow’ when their ankles are beginning to get sore, but they’re not to the point that they want to stop completely. It’s your cue that you need to wrap things up. Red means full stop. Use the word when something is wrong, painful, or you want to stop for any reason or no reason at all.
Finally, ensure that you have an exit strategy before beginning. This means having a pair of scissors or another cutting tool nearby in case the rope becomes too tight and needs to be cut off quickly.
Now that safety has been taken care of, you can tie up your partner.
Choose Your Method
You can use rope, scarves, ties, handcuffs, or specialty restraint kits. Each method has pros and cons that you should consider before making your decision.
A rope is popular for bondage activity because it is relatively inexpensive and easy to find. It also provides a great deal of flexibility in terms of tying patterns and knots. However, a rope can be challenging to untie if you are not experienced.
Scarves, ties, and handcuffs are excellent for beginners because they are easy to use and remove and provide excellent control over the level of restraint applied. However, these methods can be uncomfortable or even painful if misused.
Specialty restraint kits are also available for those who want to take their bondage activities to the next level. These kits typically include a variety of straps, buckles, and clips that can be used to create intricate patterns and secure your partner in place. However, these kits can be expensive.
Once you have chosen your method, it’s time to get to the fun part…
Handcuffs are great for those who want to explore bondage activities without investing in expensive equipment. They provide excellent control over the level of restraint applied and can be easily removed when needed.
When using handcuffs, it is vital to ensure they are not too tight or too loose. If they are too tight, they can cause discomfort, pain, and cut off blood flow to the area. If they are too loose, they can easily slip off.
Select only high quality handcuffs, and avoid the cheap Halloween store ones. If you can, purchase your handcuffs from an adult shop. Velcro cuffs are also great options for couples who want extra cushion around their wrists or ankles.
For minimum control, handcuff your partner’s hands only. For maximum control, grab a pair of leg restraints and combine them with the handcuffs.
It’s important to remember that safety should always be your top priority when engaging in any bondage activity. Check in with your partner regularly and adjust the restraints if needed.
Now that you own a pair of handcuffs (invest in quality, not quantity), handcuff your partner’s hands behind their back in a standing position.
Push them down onto their knees, grab their hair, and bring their head towards your body. This works for both men and women in the dominant or submissive role. Have your partner give you oral sex with their hands tied up.
Another fun option is sex in doggy style with their hands tied. Tie your partner’s hands behind their back and then guide them to the bed. Push them down so that they are on their stomach. Pull and lift your partner so their ass is now high in the air, and then give them oral sex or vaginal and anal sex.
You can also try role-playing scenes where one partner has all the power, and the other is at their mercy, such as a cop and robber.
Handcuffs are the tool of choice for most couples new to bondage in the bedroom, but scarves, long bandanas, and even sarongs are okay in a pinch (i.e., your Amazon order has not been delivered yet).
Note that the fabric might be difficult to remove in an emergency. If you tie it tight, getting scissors or medical shears between the fabric and your partner’s wrists can be difficult, so exercise a lot of caution. In fact, handcuffs and ropes are generally better choices.
For minimum control, tie your partner’s hands only. For maximum control, grab another scarf and tie your partner’s legs, spread eagle, to the ends of the bed.
You can use the scarves to tie your partner up in various positions, such as standing, kneeling, or lying down. You can also experiment with different levels of restraint by adjusting the tightness of the fabric.
Use the two handcuff scenes mentioned above, or try one of these interesting ones.
Utilize two scarves to tie both hands to the bed rail. Blindfold with a bandana, shorter scarf, or standard blindfold, and then explore your partner’s body with your mouth, fingers, and hands.
Belts are another in-a-pinch, quick DIY restraint you can use anywhere and anytime, assuming you’re wearing a belt. More importantly, it can be incredibly sexy to rip off your belt, signal your partner to put their hands behind their back, and wait for you.
Enter the bedroom dressed to the nines in your finest attire. Ideally, this scene should take place after a nice dinner and time together in the town.
Tell your partner in a firm and authoritative voice, “Take off your dress.” Stand in front of them, waiting for them to do as instructed.
Make them wait in their underwear for further direction. When ready, come up behind your partner (still fully clothed) and kiss them along the neck, allowing your hands to explore their waist and thighs. Just when they’re getting into it, stop. Remove your hands and unfasten your belt. Whisper seductively, “Stand still. Put your hands behind your back now.”
Take off your belt slowly, and then fasten it around both their arms. Grab it and pull or push your partner gently to the floor or to the edge of the bed.
The belt can also be used as a leash to guide your partner around the bedroom. Buckle the belt and loosely fashion it around their neck. Make the loop just tight enough that it does not slip over their head and hair, but do not excessively tighten the belt unless your partner and you have discussed mild choking as a potential activity you want to try.
Rope is the most popular bondage activity because there are numerous things you can do with it. If you’re experienced, you might be able to try more complex rope techniques such as shibari.
Keep in mind the material. Choose the softest rope you can find, and go from there. Good choices include thick silk, hemp, jute, nylon, or cotton rope. The fabric shouldn’t slip and slide but shouldn’t be rough to the touch.
There are a variety of knots that can be used for bondage activities, and each one has its own pros and cons. Take the time to learn how to tie each knot properly to ensure that your partner is safe and secure.
Some of the most popular knots for bondage activities are the square knot, the half hitch, and the bowline. The square knot is a basic knot for most beginners.
Once you have chosen your knot, it’s time to start tying! Start by wrapping the rope around your partner’s wrists or ankles, then tie the knot securely. Ensure the knot is not too tight, which can cause discomfort or injury. Once you are done, double-check that the knot is secure before proceeding with other activities.
Remember that learning how to tie knots takes practice, and unless you’ve been to a shibari class or, more wholesomely, were a boy scout in your youth, it’s okay to admit you’re inexperienced with securing rope.
Start with basic single knots and advance to more complex ones that are ensured to prevent your partner from escaping your control (with their consent, of course).
There are far too many exciting ways to tie up your partner using a rope. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
As mentioned, you can start by tying your partner to the bedposts. Or perhaps, a little more excitingly, bind your partner’s hands and feet behind their back while they lay facedown on the floor. They will be totally helpless and under your complete control in this position.
To do this:
Finally, tie the two ends of the rope together in a knot at the center of your partner’s back. This will keep them securely bound and unable to move. This method is called hogtie. You can hogtie your partner with plain rope or purchase a hogtie kit to make the process easier.
No matter what type of rope scene you choose, ensure you are always aware of your partner’s comfort level. If they are uncomfortable or in pain, stop immediately and adjust the ropes accordingly. Be prepared to cut off the rope with strong scissors (medical shears are preferred).
The hogtie is a classic bondage position that can be accomplished with different materials, including dedicated hogtie restraints.
The hogtie restraints allow you to quickly get your partner into position and get them out of it when the occasion arises.
Hogtie kits can be purchased from any BDSM shop and most online sex stores. The device resembles a center O-ring with four connected straps.
Bed restraints are a great way to add spice to your sex life. They allow you to restrain your partner in various positions and can be used for both light bondage play or more intense BDSM scenes.
Bed restraints come in many different styles, from simple straps that attach to the bed frame to more elaborate systems with cuffs and buckles.
Depending on your type of restraint, you can use them to restrain your partner’s wrists, ankles, or even entire body.
Tie your partner’s arms and legs with a bed restraint kit from a reliable sex shop. While tied, start by teasing your partner. Move your hand up and down their legs and then make circles on their inner thighs (an erogenous zone in women).
When she’s ready, bring your hands between her legs and allow them to linger next to her vagina without going in or touching it. Take your time! It’s not a race; the longer you wait, the more likely she is to orgasm. Get your hand wet with water-based lube, and slowly and softly begin playing with her. We call this a pussy massage, and it’s highly recommended because it’s guaranteed to make her cum.
Learn more about giving a pussy massage here.
Another great option is to use feathers or soft fabric to glide and lightly brush over their body. Once they are aroused, you can start to explore more intense sensations such as spanking, flogging, and even wax play (advanced only).
Or, skip ahead a bit, and go straight to vaginal or anal sex. When you are finished, untie your partner and take care of them with aftercare, such as cuddling, talking, or being present with them.
Spreader bars are used to keep the legs or arms of your partner completely apart, allowing for more access and control. Spreader bars come in many sizes and styles, from simple metal bars to elaborate leather straps.
When using a spreader bar, ensure your partner is comfortable. Avoid tying too tightly or spreading their arms and legs too wide apart. Remember that every person has a different comfort and flexibility level. Contrary to popular belief, the goal of bondage is not always causing pain, so check in often and throughout the restraining process.
Once the spreader bar is in place, you can explore different sensations with your partner. You can use a feather or soft fabric to lightly brush over their body or a flogger for more intense play.
Try experimenting with sex positions. Instead of restraining them on their back, use the spreader bar in doggy style with their ass high in the air. This position allows more accessible anal play (if they are comfortable with that) or access to her vagina for several fun activities, including, but definitely not limited to, a pussy massage, oral sex, sex toys, and of course, penetration.
Door restraints are a great way to add spice to your bedroom play. They are easy to install and can be used for various bondage scenes.
You will need a sturdy door that can be securely closed. Follow the instructions included with your purchase. Once in place, you can enjoy your partner’s body.
This position is great for spanking, flogging, and even wax play, and it also allows easy access to your partner’s body for oral sex, penetration, and more. Just make sure you are aware of their comfort level and adjust accordingly.
No matter what kind of bondage you choose to explore with your partner, always remember to be safe and have fun!
Ankle cuffs restrain your partner’s ankles and keep them in place. They can be used for various activities, from light bondage play to more intense BDSM scenes.
Ankle cuffs are typically paired with handcuffs for more control but can be used alone to only restrain the lower body.
Secure your partner’s ankles while on their back. Lift and place their legs over your head so the ankle cuffs are behind your head and one leg is on each shoulder. Keep their arms and hands free.
Penetrate your partner’s vagina or anus, and direct her to use her free hand to stimulate her clit while you penetrate her.
You can also use ankle cuffs to restrain your partner in the doggy style. Secure their ankles and then penetrate them from behind, forcing her legs tightly together for deeper and tighter penetration.
Bondage kits are your everything-in-one kit for beginner and advanced bondage. All kits contain various items, from handcuffs, to ropes, and even paddles. What you find inside depends on the kit, and luckily, these starter kits can be purchased for as low as $40.00 and upwards for more luxurious and higher-quality toys.
The Best Method Is...
The one that makes them feel safe and, importantly, horny!
Some types are restraints will not work for some couples. For example, those with mobility issues might find door restraints confining them to a standing position uncomfortable or impossible. Ropes might not feel great and might be too advanced for some couples. Handcuffs might be too harsh on delicate wrists for some.
The best restraints for tying someone up will vary from person to person, so it is best to pick one and try it. If you like it, keep it in the bedroom, and if you don’t, ditch it and move on to one of the many other suggestions in this article.
If you’re looking for a suggestion to get started, we suggest high-quality soft handcuffs and bed restraints. They are simple and easy to get in and out of, making them the perfect toy to tie someone up with.
Don't Skip Aftercare
Aftercare is an integral part of any bondage session. Aftercare is the time after a BDSM scene when partners can reconnect, check in with each other, and ensure everyone feels safe and comfortable. It’s also a great time to talk about what worked and what didn’t work during the scene.
Aftercare can look different for every couple, but some everyday activities include cuddling, talking, having a snack, and relaxing.
Excellent aftercare is just as important as the scene itself.
Tying up your partner can be a fun and exciting way to explore new levels of intimacy in your relationship. Whatever method you choose, ensure that your partner is safe and secure.
With a bit of practice and patience, you will soon be able to create a variety of bondage scenes that will add a new level of excitement to your bedroom activities.
Once you have mastered the basics of tying up your partner, you can start to explore more advanced techniques.
You can experiment with different knots and positions or even try some bondage furniture, such as a bondage bed or a spanking bench. You can also add props such as blindfolds, gags, and restraints for extra excitement.
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