Rough sex is an expression of desire combined with highly effective communication, creating an experience unlike any other!
We’ve listed twenty rough sex ideas you and your woman can try tonight in the bedroom!
From BDSM and bondage play to erotica and domination, discover all the naughtiest and consensual ways to have unforgettable sex with your Misses.
Table of Contents
What is Rough Sex?
Rough sex is a type of sexual activity that involves intense physical contact and heightened sensations.
It can involve spanking, biting, hair-pulling, slapping, choking, and even light BDSM play.
Rough sex is about pushing boundaries and exploring new ways to experience pleasure.
It can be an incredibly sensual and passionate experience for both partners, requiring trust, communication, and consent.
How Common Is It?
Rough sex is becoming increasingly popular as more and more couples explore their sexuality and discover new ways to experience pleasure.
In this U.K. study, 6.6% of men and 26% of women reported having been choked during sex.
And in one study, 80% of the female participants reported engaging in rough sex (hair-pulling, choking, and spanking).
What’s more revealing is some notable porn sites’ statistics show a clear preference for rough sex categories among female viewers, which may be surprising to some.
Why Do People Like Rough Sex?
People engage in rough sex for a variety of reasons.
Considering what constitutes “rough” for some may not work for others is important. Therefore, rough for some may not be that rough at all.
For numerous men and women, rough sex expresses their crazy, wild, or passionate side. They believe that they are being their authentic self by engaging in rough sex, as they have a preference for it, more so than other forms of sexual activities.
For others, it is just exploration and experimentation.
Lastly, some people are highly interested in rough sex because of its ability to build connections and trust between partners.
Is Rough Sex the Result of Porn?
The influence of pornography on our sexual behavior is hotly debated. While there is no definitive answer, it’s clear that porn has impacted how we view and engage in sex in real life.
When it comes to aggressive sex, some people believe that it is a result of porn. Pornography often depicts intense physical contact between actor and actress, which could lead viewers to believe this is the norm.
However, it is also worth pointing out that the viewing trends may reflect desires already present in society. For instance, humankind has likely been involved in numerous forms of sexual activities, some rougher than others, before the invention of the internet or 1970s pornography.
Likely, more people are introduced to rough sex via porn when they may have otherwise stayed ignorant to it or waited much longer to express desire in trying it.
Can You Safely Enjoy Rough Sex?
Yes! As long as both partners consent, communicate, and use their safe words, rough sex can be a safe and enjoyable experience.
Know your boundaries and your partners! It is important to discuss what you are both comfortable with and what you are not. There should be no mysteries, and everything should be expressed and discussed beforehand.
Sometimes the mood takes over you, and the discussion part is skipped to jump straight into hot, passionate sex. In that case, check in with your partner throughout the experience and ensure they are still comfortable. Be mindful of their body language.
What Rough Sex is NOT
Although rough sex has become more popular than ever, there seem to be a lot of misconceptions still present in the common collective.
But what about the misconceptions that negatively portray those who prefer rough sex and those who participate in it?
One of the most prevalent incorrect beliefs regarding rough sex is that it is somehow more unsafe than “vanilla sex.”
Rough sex is not unsafe as long as both partners are consenting and communicating throughout the experience. Moreover, with safe words, rough sex can be even safer than other forms of sex.
Rough sex should never be forced upon someone or used to control or manipulate them. It also does not have to involve pain, although, in some incidences, it is desired and asked for. While some people enjoy the sensation of pain, it is not necessary to have highly enjoyable rough sex.
Rough sex should never be coerced, abusive, or non-consensual like all other sex acts.
Learn more about being sexually dominant without overstepping boundaries on our YouTube channel, linked below.
Rough Sex Fundamentals
For an in-depth discussion of the basics for great rough sex, such as safe words, setting the mood, and foreplay, check out How to Have Rough Sex.
To summarize, here are some of the fundamentals every couple should know!
- Use a safe word.
- Don't forget lube.
- Never skip foreplay!
- Discuss and respect boundaries and desires beforehand.
- Start slow and build up anticipation and intensity.
- Check-in with your partner
Now, let’s cut straight to the chase and get to the good stuff.
Here are 20 rough sex ideas to try with her!
Belts, Whips, and Floggers
Belts are useful for spanking, as they provide a good balance between pain and pleasure.
Whips can also be used for spanking, but they should be used cautiously as they can cause more intense sensations. If you’re new to using belts and whips in the bedroom, start with light strokes and work your way up.
Those wanting to try something a bit… more, should consider floggers. Floggers come in a range of sizes and materials, which can produce various sensations on the body, from light taps to painful strikes.
Scene
Tell your partner to get on her knees and slowly crawl toward you on all fours. While she does, remove your belt and tell her to turn and face away from you. Slide the belt across her back and each cheek, and tell her to count each strike while you use dirty talk to remind her how sexy she is.
Biting
Always start with light nibbles and work up to more intense bites. Be mindful of where you place your teeth, and focus each nibble on different erogenous zones, such as the neck, inner thighs, and breasts.
Scene
Tell your partner to lie on her back and spread her legs. Lean over her body, start with light nibbles on the neck, and kiss, lick, and nibble your way down to the inner thighs. As she gets more aroused, increase the intensity of your bites until she is begging for more.
Bruises and Marks
Bruises and marks are a common part of rough sex, but it is important to be aware of their risks.
Bruising can occur when too much pressure is applied during spanking or other activities and can be painful.
Many women enjoy seeing the marks in the form of teeth or their man’s handprint left behind because it reminds them of the pleasure they experienced.
Just ensure she’s okay with bruises and marks before going too rough and leaving them.
Also, many women are okay with marks on areas concealed by clothing but not on places that are visible to the public — especially true if she has work the next day and does not intend on wearing a turtleneck.
Scene
Tell your partner to lie on her stomach and spread her legs. Or ask her to take off her panties and lay across your lap.
Use your hand to lightly spank and increase the intensity until she is begging for more. As you spank, focus on areas that will leave marks but won’t cause too much pain, such as the buttocks and inner thighs.
For a more intense experience, use a belt, whip, or cane.
Canes
Canes add a lot of intensity to your rough sex session. Canes can be used for spanking and during bondage.
When using a cane, start with slow strikes without a lot of pressure, and build up to faster and harder strikes.
Canes deliver forceful blows across a smaller area of skin, thus creating a more painful sensation than hands, belts, and floggers.
Canes are an advanced tool and should not be used on women who are only slightly interested in rough play. Unless she expressed specific interest in using canes, stick to your hands or belts.
Scene
For your pleasure, run the cane along her body while she lies, either doggy style, with her ass high in the air, or on her back with her legs spread.
Start with light strokes on the back, buttocks, and inner thighs. Increase the intensity of the strokes while she’s begging for more. Stop when she uses her safe word.
Choking
Choking is a popular form of rough sex and is one of the most common types of rough play.
Chocking can be light grasps of the throat while passionately kissing or intense choking until the point of near-unconsciousness and then released before passing out.
This form of play is popular because of the rush of adrenaline, power exchange, and rush from the altered blood flow to the head.
Remember that choking can be very dangerous, so taking things to the point where your partner feels like they will pass out is inadvisable.
Scene
Walk over to your partner and place your hand on the back of her head, pulling her closer to you. Till her chin up and place a strong and passionate kiss on the lips while slowly bringing the hands down the back of the head towards the throat. Wrap one hand lightly around the throat while making out, and slightly increase the pressure.
During sex, pin your partner to the bed by placing your hand around her throat. Increase the pressure while thrusting into her, and then release.
Fisting
Fisting, which involves the insertion of an entire hand into the vagina or anus, can be a very enjoyable experience for both partners. However, it should only be attempted on those consenting specifically to fisting, not just fingering.
Before fisting, use plenty of lubricants and take your time. Start with one finger and work your way up to two or three before putting all your fingers inside.
Scene
Tell your partner to lie on her back and spread her legs. Put a pillow under her head and hips, as this might take a while. Apply plenty of lubricant to your hand and her vagina or anus.
Start with one or two fingers, and thrust in and out of her vagina. Add more fingers and lube until your entire hand is inside. Keep thrusting slowly in and out.
While your hand is inside, use the other to massage her clitoris until the point of orgasm.
Hair Pulling
Hair pulling is one of the most common and preferred forms of rough play. This can be done during sex, foreplay, or outside of a sexual encounter to tease your partner.
Just remember to pull from the root, not the ends, to avoid pain and snapping the hair’s ends.
Scene
Stand behind your partner and lightly run your fingers through her hair. Grab a handful of her hair. Pull it back gently but firmly while kissing the back of her neck or shoulders. Increase the intensity of the pull as she moans in pleasure.
While having sex in doggy style, grab a handful of her hair and pull it back as you thrust into her.
Ice Cubes
Ice cubes, wax, and other cold or warm substances are a form of temperature play, where these liquids are rubbed or dropped onto different parts of the body, creating a unique sensation.
Ice cubes chill the skin and bring attention to one particular part of the body and work well on nipples, across the neck, inner thigh, and vulva.
Scene
Ask your partner to wait for you on the bed. Disappear into the kitchen and return with a small container of ice. Remove one piece at a time, trace it from the top of her body until it completely melts, and then lick the water off her skin.
Focus another ice cube on the nipples and make circular motions around each one, forcing them to harden and stand erect. When the ice has fully melted, lick the water up and suck on each breast and nipple.
Manhandling
Manhandling is rough play where a male partner takes, holds, grabs, and pushes around his partner using his strength. This can be done during sex or foreplay and is a great way to show your partner who’s in control.
Some women love manhandling because it’s a show of physical strength by her man, which many ladies adore. It also makes her feel submissive, soft, and feminine.
Manhandling can be as playful or rough as you both desire.
Scene
Your partner is standing in front of you, so you wrap your arms around her waist. Pull her close to you and kiss her passionately. Grab a handful of her hair and pull it back as you kiss her neck and shoulders.
Pick her up off the ground and carry her to the bed, where you toss her onto the mattress and start to undress her, one clothing piece at a time. Grab her wrists and pin them above her head as you kiss her body.
Nipple Clamps
Nipple clamps are a type of sex toy that hardens the nipples and increases their sensitivity.
Nipple clamps are great for those who enjoy a little bit of pain with their pleasure. They can be adjusted to increase or decrease the intensity of the pinch, depending on your partner’s preference.
Scene
Your partner is standing, pinned against the wall, so start by lightly running your fingers over her nipples. Start off by lightly pinching the nipples with your fingers. This will help sensitize them for the clamping process. Take the nipple clamps and place them on her nipples, adjusting the intensity of the pinch until she’s comfortable.
Kiss her neck and shoulders as you move your hands down her chest. Grab the loose bit of the clamps and guide your partner from the wall to the bed, where you can continue to explore her body.
Pinching
Pinching is a form of sensation play that can increase arousal and pleasure. It involves using your fingers or other objects to pinch the skin, creating a sharp sensation that can range from pleasurable to painful.
Scene
Start the scene before the bedroom by playfully teasing your partner by loosely grabbing her hair and pinching different areas of the skin, such as her arms and legs. Keep things light and fun.
Transition from merely messing around to kissing while exploring her body with your hands. Grab her hand and encourage her to move towards the bedroom or sofa with you.
In the bedroom, lightly pinch her nipples and other sensitive body areas. Then use your mouth to suck and lick her nipples.
Restraining
Restraining can range from mild such as handcuffs, to complex, like rope work and restraining devices.
Due to the nature of this type of rough sex, some preplanning is required. First, decide which type of restraining device you are most interested in using, purchase, and set it up.
Common restraints include handcuffs, ankle cuffs, rope, bondage tape, sex swings, and bed restraints.
Handcuffs require minimal effort, but if you purchase a restraining bench, sex swing, or learn a new skill with rope work, you will need to think ahead.
Safety should be a priority, so before playing, have an exit strategy. Bed restraints, ankle cuffs, and sex handcuffs easily snap off, but ropes, scarves, ties, and other DIY restraints may not. Keep a pair of safety or medical scissors nearby so that, if needed, you can quickly cut your partner out of the restraints.
Scene
Adjust the BDSM scene to fit your restraint of choice.
Take your pair of fresh sex handcuffs, have your partner lay down on the bed, and cuff her wrists to the headboard.
Once she is secured, use your hands to tease her entire body until you go down between her thighs for oral sex.
Massage her vulva with your hand and fingers before inserting one or two inside to stimulate her G Spot.
When you’re body ready, grab her legs, pull yourself in close, and make fast and hard love to her while she’s tied to the bed.
For more intensity, add a blindfold or earphones into the mix to take away one or two senses.
Scratching
Scratching involves using your nails or other objects to scratch the skin, creating a sharp sensation that can range from pleasurable to painful.
Scene
During sex, dig your fingers into your partner’s skin and lightly scratch her back, buttocks, and thighs. Scratching pairs well with other pain/pleasure combos, such as biting, spanking, and slapping.
For more intensity, use a feather or other object to lightly tickle her skin before scratching it. This will increase the sensation and make the scratches feel even more intense.
You can also scratch your partner’s scalp before sex for a relaxing head massage to help her get into the mood for some rough sex.
Slapping
Slapping involves using your hands or other objects to slap the skin, creating a sharp and sudden sensation. The most common areas to slap are the face, buttocks, and thighs.
Slapping and spanking have some overlap, but slapping is typically a faster movement that can be used on sensitive areas like the face.
Scene
While making out with your partner, pull back, and move one hand down to her neck to keep her steady. With the other, lightly and playfully slap her cheek and then soothe it with your fingers.
After a quick and playful slap, go in for another kiss.
Slapping works well the other way too. Instead of slapping your partner, let her give you her best shot with a firm strike to the face before grabbing her and playfully tossing her over your shoulders or tickling her until she falls to her knees.
Spanking
Spanking involves using your hands or other objects to slap the skin, creating a sharp and semi-painful yet pleasurable sensation. The most common areas to spank are the buttocks and thighs.
Scene
Have your partner lay down on her stomach and straddled her hips. Place one hand on her lower back for stability and use the other to spank her buttocks.
Start slow with light taps before gradually increasing the intensity.
You can also use a paddle or other object to spank her with more force.
Vibrators and Dildos
Vibrators and dildos are common sex toys that stimulate the body in different ways. Vibrators are typically used to stimulate the clitoris, while dildos can be used for vaginal G Spot stimulation or anal penetration.
Scene
Push your partner down on the bed, so she is on her back. Use one hand to push her down onto the bed and use the other to tease her clitoris with her favorite vibrator or wand.
Move the vibrator or wand around her clitoris in slow circles, gradually going faster until you find the perfect speed and intensity to make her cum.
Wrestling
Wrestling can involve playful grappling, body slams, and even light choking.
Wrestling is a great way to explore dominance and submission in the bedroom.
Make sure you are both comfortable with the level of intensity before engaging in any wrestling moves. Be mindful of your partner’s strength and size difference when deciding on the intensity of the wrestling.
Scene
Start by lightly pushing your partner onto the bed and then straddling her hips. From there, you can start to grapple and wrestle with each other.
Try talking dirty and teasing before some light choking or body slams. Keep it playful, and don’t go too hard on your partner.
Once you’re both done wrestling, take a break and start up again. This can be a great way to build arousal and get into the mood for sex later.
Make a game out of it and let the winner of several wrestling matches gain control and favor in the bedroom.
Conclusion
Explore dominance and submission with your partner. Whether it’s light spanking, wrestling, or using toys, there are plenty of rough sex ideas that you can try with her. Just be sure to establish boundaries beforehand and keep communication open for both of you so that everyone is comfortable and safe during this steamy and naughty experience.
