Teasing will get things moving toward the bedroom. You start playfully spanking her ass, and before you know it, your hands are around her waists, you’re kissing, and clothes have magically disappeared.
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Teasing can go one of two ways. The wrong way will get her annoyed and far from sexually aroused. She’ll pull back and withdraw from you, but instead of changing your tactics, you go, “oh, she’s just not interested.” Bullshit! Women love sex just as much as any guy; you aren’t piquing her interest and turning her on. Here’s how to tease a woman correctly to get her wet, ready, and craving sex!
The Set-Up (do this before physically teasing her)
How can you get a woman wet and ready for the bedroom? You can tease her, but not only that, spend a lot of time building anticipation and sexual tension.
Before you touch your girlfriend physically, play with her mind. Send her playful and dirty messages throughout the day to get her thinking of all the hot things you will do to her when you meet up later.
Do not go in for more than a kiss at the front door when you arrive at her place. Hold back a little more and continue sweet talking to her. Remind her how beautiful she is, but do not just say, “Hey, you’re beautiful.” If she’s hot, she’s heard that a million times before. Instead, narrow in on something specific that’s rarely spoken about. For example, comment on how good she looks with the new haircut, shirt, or shade of lipstick. Choose words that will stick out in her mind.
Move closer to her, forget the pleasantries, and change the conversation to something sexual and talk dirty. Say something like, “Get your ass over here” in a playful but stern voice. Let her tiptoe closer to you, smiling or playing with her hair, then reach out and pull her closer.
The set-up is arguably just as important as touching a woman. Women have a very vivid sexual imagination, so whatever she’s thinking about is just as likely to get her turned on as you touching her. Start by turning on her mind, then close the deal by turning on her body.
Poke fun at her
One of the easiest ways to sexually tease her is by making fun of her. Obviously, don’t hurt her feelings or make her feel insecure. Keep it light and playful while avoiding topics that will make her upset or angry. Topics that you should avoid are her weight, make-up, clothing/ personal style, or anything she put a lot of effort into.
You could try playfully teasing her by reminding her a funny story or an insider joke between the two of you in which she ended up looking a little silly. For example, smile and say something like, “Remember that time when you ___? You looked so adorable.” She’ll respond by laughing or giving you a smile.
A word of caution, do your absolute best to not sound serious or accidently convey real hostility. If you haven’t mastered poking fun at someone without really poking fun at them, then it’s probably best you skip this section because results could be disastrous. Something that would be clearly a joke between two guys might come off as overly harsh to a woman, especially if she’s already sensitive or reacts poorly to anything that sounds like criticism.
If you say something and the look on her face turns sour, come over to her, lightly caress her shoulder or back and say, “I’m just messing with you. Sorry”, then move on.
Give her a fun nickname
A fun way to tease her is by calling her a nickname that stems from some insider joke between you two. If you don’t have any insider jokes, call her a childhood nickname she’s forgotten about or something she would find cute or funny. Again, avoid a name that will make her feel insecure such as one based on her hair, weight, or personal style.
Understand her fantasies and desires
Whatever she’s into, you need to know about it. You can use that to tease her if she likes to be submissive. If she has a fantasy about being a cat-girl and meowing as she licks you, fantastic — you should know that’s her thing!
- Teasing might not work out well for you if you don't know your or your partner's love language. Love languages describe how men and women express love and sexual desire. Read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
- Find your Erotic Blueprint. Are you Energetic, Sensual, Kinky, Sexual, or Shapeshifter? This short quiz will help you understand your/her sexual desires and how you/she likes to get intimate.
- Take the BDSM test. BDSM is more than ropes and floggers, so don't knock the test before you try it. With this test, you will understand your preferred role in the bedroom and which types of relationship dynamics work best for you.
How to Physically Tease Women
Whether a one-night stand or a long-term partner, learning their likes and dislikes will keep them sexually interested in you. The best thing you can do for yourself is to get comfortable with your sexuality and discussing sex with women, so you’ll be at ease asking her questions. Not only this, but if you sound confident and self-assured, she will trust you more and want to open up. No woman wants a man that doesn’t know what he wants or sounds like a timid mouse when he talks about sex.
There’s no single best way to tease a woman physically. Teasing women is an art that is highly dependent on the woman in question. Some women will love a talker — a man who is a master at words. Others will prefer a more touchy man. The easiest method is to ask her, but if you don’t want to go that route and she’s sexually open, then explore, play, and go on a journey together to learn each other’s kinks.
Kiss her
The lips are super sensitive and highly erotic for most women, so don’t underestimate the power of a good kiss. Start kissing her lips and allow one hand to hold her head in place. Lightly place your hand at the back of her head, grabbing or pulling her hair too (if she’s into that). You can also try placing one thumb under her chin to lift her head up and towards you, especially if there’s a height difference.
If she feels comfortable around you, place one hand on the back of her neck and lightly stroke the area with your thumb while you kiss her. You could also firmly grasp her neck if she’s comfortable with that while kissing her. For an added bonus, lightly bite her lips, neck, and shoulder
Pull her hair
Never pull a woman’s hair by the ends. At best, it’s annoying, and at worst, it hurts. Instead, firmly grasp her hair from the roots. If she has a ponytail or pigtails, even better! Grab from the top and lightly pull downward.
Loose hair can also work well. Instead of grabbing first, run your fingers through her hair until you find the roots. Make a fist to grab a large section of hair and pull it downward. Don’t pull just a single strand or a few hairs; that will most likely rip the hair out or cause her slight pain.
Choke her
A word of caution: be cautious with her neck. You don’t want to accidentally break anything or crush her windpipe, causing her to gasp for air. Furthermore, you never want to surprise a woman by choking her because you will scare her! A scared woman does not equal good sex. Sorry to be that simple, but some guys need to hear that.
Have a conversation with her beforehand. Discuss what she likes, how much pressure, and what safewords you will use. Safewords must be both verbal and non-verbal. Case in point, if you’re choking her, how will she speak? We recommend green, yellow, and red as straightforward safewords at SQL. If you arent’ a fan of those words, no problem. Choose a different safe word that will be easily understood and not confused with something else. For instance, yes and no are terrible safewords because, in some sexual circumstances (role-playing, submission, forced/ rape fantasy, etc.), no will mean yes.
Verbal Safewords
- Green: It's great. Keep doing what you're doing!
- Yellow: Slow down or less pressure / intensity
- Red: Stop and discuss!
Non-Verbal Safewords
- Single Shoulder Tap: Slow down or less pressure/intensity
- Double Shoulder Tap: Stop and discuss!
- Hand Waving in the Air: Stop and discuss!
Once you talked about choking and your safewords, proceed with caution and be mindful of how much strength you’re using and what in her neck you’re pushing against — you don’t want her to black out.
An alternative to choking that we prefer at SQL is covering her mouth and nose with one hand. Choking is sexy for many women because of the lack of control and being at the mercy of their partner’s whims. Covering the nose and mouth will accomplish the same goal, but it’s much safer. Still, be mindful of your partner’s body language and watch for those non-verbal safe words.
Touch her (the elements)
There are four types of touches that we’ve identified at SQL: air, earth, water, and fire! Identify which type of touches she prefers based on her mood by just playing with her and paying attention to any changes in body language. What’s her reaction, positive or negative?
She might want to be taken more forcibly on some days, whereas others, she’s more sensitive and craving a lighter touch. Use your discernment.
Air (calm)
An airy touch is based on gentle caresses and soft movements. Allow your fingers to gently glide over her stomach, back, and inner thighs. Start on her backside and use a feather to run all along her erogenous zones as she lays on the bed. Next, take a thin and soft sheet and lay it across her backside. Slowly pull the sheet off her body.
Earth (safe and secure)
Earth touches are meant to ground the woman and make her feel safe and secure. Ask her to lay on her stomach. Sit on top of her as you use your hands to push her gently into the bed. Start on her shoulders and work your way downward. Each touch should be firm. Grab and press against each area of skin as you allow your hands to rest for a few seconds before moving on to the next part of her body.
Water (free)
Water touches are meant to make her feel free and flowy. Grab some massage oil and move your hands all over her body. Freely explore every inch of her, focusing on whichever erogenous zone is currently sending goosebumps down her spine.
Fire (aggression)
Fire touches are aggressive, rough, and firm. Ask her to lay on her stomach on the bed. Sit on top of her and pinch, squeeze, scratch, and spank different areas of her body. The goal is to be aggressive, so playfully tease and push her around the bedroom.
Use toys and supplies
Now is a great time to finally purchase that sex toy you always wanted to try out. There are toys like the vibrating feather tickler designed for teasing and pleasure. We understand that everyone is at different points in their sexual journey, so if you’re a sex toy novice still, make use of household items to tease your partner instead.
Blindfold her
You can purchase an actual blindfold or use an old necktie, hair bandana, or even a well-tied tank top can function as blindfolds. Blindfolds are erotic because, once again, it’s about control. Many women want to feel safe in the bedroom and feel like their man can take care of them, so some women will opt for blindfolds to take away one of their senses to enhance others or be more at the mercy of their partner.
You can get playful in the bedroom by taking away a second sense. Remove her sight (blindfold) and hearing (give her headphones with music). Ask her to lay on the bed, tell her tonight you got her, and allow her to be surprised by every sensation or touch since she’ll be unable to see it coming.
Letting go requires a woman to have a great deal of trust in her partner, so you might not be able to get a one-night stand to release so much control. Most people, not just women, would not want to be at the total mercy of a stranger. If you meet a woman at a bar and she’s down for a blindfold, then great, but if she’s hesitant or not super excited about it, don’t push the topic. Try one of these other teasing methods instead.
Feed her chocolate
This is an excellent addition to blindfolding your partner but also works as a stand-alone, highly effective teasing method. Take her favorite chocolate or sweets and feed them to her. Don’t just drop it in her mouth, but build up the anticipation of the delicious dark chocolate hitting her tongue by tracing the chocolate around her lips, allowing it to melt ever so slightly before placing it on her tongue.
Use a feather duster
Use a feather duster to lightly trace her body, focusing your efforts on each erogenous zone. Trace the feather duster along her neck and shoulders, around her breast, down her stomach, and play with her thighs.
Roll the Wartenberg Wheel
Once used in the medical field to test the nervous system, you won’t find a Wartenberg wheel in every household. Easily purchased on Amazon or online sex shops, a Wartenberg wheel, made of stainless steel or plastic, is rolled across the skin to generate a reaction. Your partner will experience a tickling sensation as the wheel moves across her body.
Make her wait
Lastly, when she’s at the peak of sexual arousal and things are starting to move towards sex, hold back a little more to build anticipation. She’ll pull you closer, wrap her legs around you so you can’t get off of her, or moan, “Not yet. Just one more minute,” but then pull back. Better yet, turn up the heat early in the morning, but before things turn sexual, stop and tell her to wait until you come home from work.
Touch her everywhere, but her pussy
This will drive many ladies insane, especially when she is soaking wet. Continue touching, kissing, biting, and playing with her, but avoid her pussy; even if she has her legs wide open and asks you to touch her, don’t. Make her wait, beg, and pull you closer to her. When she can’t take it anymore, caress her vulva with your hand or fingers.
As tempting as it may be, save her clit for last. Give her a pussy massage and avoid heading straight in for the clit or fingering her pussy. Every part of the female genital is an erogenous zone, so spend a lot of time caressing her lips (Labia Minora and Labia Majora), massaging her vaginal opening, and playing with her anus (if she’s into anal play) before even considering touching her clitoris. The more you hold back, the more sexual tension will build, and the more likely she orgasms once or multiple times.
We haven’t even touched the surface of pleasuring and teasing the female body. If you are seriously considering learning how to give your partner the best sexual experience of her life, but aren’t sure where to get started, access our free online resources, hear from other guys on our online forum, and read the Best She’s Ever Had, a best-selling book on Amazon, or invest further into your sex life by joining one of our exclusive 5-Day retreats and online academies.
