Vibrators, eggs, wands, cock rings, and more — where do you want to begin? You don’t need to be in long term relationships to start thinking about unleashing your toys from under the bed or taking a stroll to the nearest sex shop. You can improve any form of partnered sex or even solo masturbation with toys.
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Better yet, it doesn’t need to be awkward! Convincing your wife to allow you to pleasure her lady parts with a five-speed vibrator or convincing her to use toys on you is easier than you think, no matter how conservative or coy she might be between the sheets.
Here’s what to do if you want to get your wife to use sex toys, but she’s never used one before, you never used one, or you both only know how to use them when you’re on a solo pleasure quest.
She's Never Used Sex Toys Before
If she’s never experimented with sex toys, approach the subject with a little extra caution than if she had one concealed under twenty pairs of underwear but just has never let it see the light of day when her man’s in the room.
Understanding your partner is the first step. Women who are sexually open and interested in trying new things regularly are more likely to welcome sex toys into the relationship with open arms than women who are a little more orthodox or reserved in the bedroom.
If she’s open, skip down to the bottom section about which sex toys to purchase and how to purchase them with your wife. You don’t need much lead-up here because chances are she will agree to it.
If she’s a little timider or you want to air on the side of caution to avoid blowing your chances at getting your hands between her thighs, magic G Spot Wand in hand, the first conversation should be non-pushy. You don’t need to be a sex therapist to understand that being forced into sexual acts rarely leads to great results.
Merely introduce the idea in her mind. Say, “What do you think of sex toys?” The question is open-ended, so she can answer however she feels. There’s no need to say yes/no to anything because you haven’t asked her yet, and it’ll convey the message that you are thinking about them. It’s doubtful she will give a harsh negative response, but she might say something like, “I don’t know. I’ve never looked into it,” or “Not sure, never thought about them before. Why?” In that case, you can then explain in a non-judgemental and relaxed tone of voice that you think they are fun, will lead to better sex, and she might really enjoy them.
What do I do next?
You’ve introduced the topic of toys being added to your sex life. She’s unsure or hesitant. Pull back. The last thing you want to do is make her feel forced into something. Plant the seed (your thoughts about sex toys), and wait for it to grow into a natural curiosity or further interest.
It might take time for you both to be on the same page and start bringing sex toys into the bedroom. Be patient and reinforce the idea that you are happy with sex as it is but merely want to enhance the experience. Explain that if you introduce sex toys to the bedroom, there’s no pressure to use them together immediately.
Be specific about which toys you want to try. Too many choices are just as bad as having none when shopping at the local sex shop. She might be overwhelmed by choices that are unfamiliar to her. She’ll think, How is this one better than that one? Why are there so many colors? What’s the difference between a vibrating dildo and a vibration bullet? What’s that attachment supposed to do? What’s the difference between 3-speed settings and 4 — do I need 4 different speeds?!” It’d be too much for her if she had never stepped foot into a sex shop.
Instead of overwhelming her with decisions, make a recommendation and explain why you want that toy. For example, I want to use a G Spot Vibrator on you because it feels good and can help with orgasms. You don’t need to word it that way, but this is merely to illustrate a point — say what you want (the name of the toy) and why you want it. Discussed below are sex toy recommendations, so have a look at the list and pick whichever one sounds the most exciting to you, then recommend it to your wife.
Sex toy recommendations for her
A few more toys in this article might tickle your fancy, so scroll down to the other sections for additional recommendations. Here are ten toys to introduce to your wife for stronger orgasms. You can find reviews on Amazon for every sex toy mentioned, and on most online shops, you can narrow your search by type and rating, as there’s more than one model on the market.
Blindfold: Take away one of the senses and heighten the others!
Handcuffs: Read me! Fun for couples looking to try light BDSM or bondage
Hitachi Wand: Amazing for clitoral stimulation
G-spot Vibrator: Stimulates the G-Spot, one of her most significant pleasure centers inside the vagina
Vibrating Pussy Egg: Stimulates the inside of the vagina. The remote-controlled version of this toy is great for couples looking to spice up date night next time they're in public.
Nipple Clamps: The nipples are sensitive for many women, and some can even orgasm through nipple stimulation.
Butt Plugs: Great for anal amateurs, those looking to try DP without an additional partner, or those wanting to explore the area before trying anal sex.
Anal Beads: Similar to butt plugs, but some might find these long, narrow beads more preferable
Rabbit Vibrator: Stimulates the G Spot and clit at the same time. Need we say more?
Clitoral Stimulator: Simulates a sucking sensation that she would feel during oral sex.
Let her experiment on her own. If she’s never used a sex toy and is slightly hesitant, allow her time to play solo at her own pace and see what the toys can do and how they make her feel. She might be more comfortable using them if she knows you won’t automatically go Mad Scientist and start poking and prodding every inch of her with strange new instruments.
After some time has passed and she seems satisfied with the toys, try mutual masturbation. Ask her to use sex toys while you watch. While watching her, touch yourself and allow her to get turned on by the sight of you stroking your fully erect penis. While doing so, tell her how sexy she looks and how turned on she’s making you. Get vocal and noisy to tell her you like what you’re seeing.
After a while, ask to use the toy on her instead of just being a bystander. The key to introducing new things to a couple’s sex lives are starting slow, staying non-judgmental and non-pushy, and being open to whatever your partner might say. Here are a few tips for continuing to ensure your desires will be heard and understood in the bedroom:
- Create an open environment within the bedroom. A lot of people are afraid to talk about sex. It's like it's something to get over and done as opposed to experimenting, playing, and thoroughly enjoying yourself. Couples who regularly talk about their sex life are likelier to improve their sex life as no one is a mind reader! You can't expect her to fulfill your every desire if you're not opening your mouth, and she can't expect you to either if she doesn't open her mouth, pun intended.
- Understand that not everything is for everyone. Sex toys are fantastic, and we can't recommend them more, but they aren't for everyone. Likewise, other sexual acts are not either. Don't try and force things in the bedroom. Just because you saw it in a movie or in porn or heard about your friend's wild sex stories doesn't mean you need to replicate it within your four walls.
- Make her feel safe with you. When she's with you, she should be able to have a conversation about every thought that pops into her head without fear of judgment or criticism. Suppose you've previously gotten in the habit of saying no to her sexual desires and fantasies or making her feel insecure by harshly questioning any sexual request she's ever made. In that case, you'll need to start quickly undoing that habit. Listen with curiosity, not judgment. Keep questions open-ended, so she can say whatever comes to mind without feeling like you're looking for a specific answer.
- Avoid judgments and harsh criticisms. Many women have been judged so harshly for their sexual desires that they might hesitate to share with you. Sure, not every woman is like this, but for every sexually open woman, there are two or more sexually closed-off ones, waiting for the moment when they can relax and let go. Keep the conversation light when talking to her about sex, especially when introducing sex toys. Don't critique her wants, laugh at her, shut her down, or say anything she could possibly take as offensive. Remember, women can be incredibly sensitive about their own pleasure and sexuality, so something that might seem like a joke or lighthearted statement to you might be somewhat out of line to her.
You Never Used Sex Toys Before
If you have never used sex toys but came to this article by choice, then you’re already on the right track but probably just need some sex toy recommendations.
There are toys for men! Everyone knows about vibrators for clitoral stimulation, but did you realize some toys can pleasure and stimulate your prostate?
Sex toy recommendations for you
These are male toy recommendations to help you pleasure yourself. Maybe your wife wouldn’t mind using one on you before using toys on herself; just a thought.
Fleshlight: Replicates the sensations from a blowjob.
Prostate Massager: Stimulates your prostate, rectum, and perineum.
Male Masturbator: A type of fleshlight replicating the feeling of being inside a woman.
Anal Trainer Kit: This unisex toy can be enjoyed by both men and women who enjoy anal sex or stimulation.
Anal Beads: Also unisex, this is an excellent toy for either men or women who might want to try anal stimulation without jumping headfirst into anal penetration during sex.
You or Her Go Strictly Solo
You or she might be more comfortable using sex toys alone than toys with your partner. She or you might have a vibrator tucked away in an inconspicuous drawer or maybe in a shoebox under the bed, but when it comes to using sex toys together… crickets. It just feels awkward.
It’s insane to think that you’ve touched every inch of each other’s bodies and given oral sex countless times in pursuit of sexual pleasure, but adding toys to the mix somehow feels unthinkable, or you don’t know how to approach the subject.
Introduce sex toys by going shopping together for a brand new toy. You might already have one that she or you has been using on your solo missions, but it might be more fun to go out and buy a brand-new one together. She might not be interested in using a toy you might have used on or with another woman. If she’s hesitant to try toys, brand new and together is the way to go. Another suggestion, have you tried a couple’s toy before?
Sex toy recommendations for couples
Couple toys allow you and her to receive stimulation and pleasure simultaneously without needing to buy two different toys.
Vibrating Cock Ring: Feels good to some men, and helps with clit stimulation during sex.
Wartenberg Wheel: A small wheel that can be rolled up and down the body. Gives a tickling sensation.
Remote Controlled Vibrator: One part goes in her lady parts while you maintain control of the remote. Go out into public and see if she can control herself and avoid squirming in her seat once you press the on button.
Vibrating Butt Plug: You will be able to feel the sensations while having vaginal sex, so this toy is great for you and her.
Other Suggestions
Most people are intimated by the idea of buying toys in person at a store. It’s as if the employees are watching you, writing down your name, and planning to blackmail you by sending a photo of you in the store to all your friend and family members. Honestly, these employees don’t care, but in your mind, it might not feel that way. Employees at sex shops see countless people in and out all day, and they probably won’t remember your face unless you’ve done something to stand out like running naked through the aisles.
If you have fears of being caught red-handed at the sex shop by a neighbor or friend, just buy online. Most are highly discreet and protect their customer’s privacy. Your neighbor won’t know the difference between a box containing an anal training kit and one with years worth of cat food inside.
Spend an event browsing through different sex shops online. Find something you both want to try and add to the chart. Bonus — hopefully, she’s be aroused by looking at all the different toys and can proceed immediately to the bed after placing the order.
If you don’t feel confident asking her directly, instead of buying a toy first, start slowly by searching for lingerie instead. As she picks out something she likes, she says, “why don’t we look at toys too? Just to see.” It’s an excellent way to introduce sex toys to the relationship without the conversation seeming out of place.
Using toys with your partner will make your sex life 10x more interesting. The only thing you have to lose is a few dollars, but trust me, your investment will pay off tenfold once she starts begging you for more.
Resources
If you’re looking for deeper insights into pleasing a woman and becoming the best partner she’s ever had, consider enrolling in the Best She’s Ever Had course, where you’ll learn practical advice for improving your sex life from how to actually eat a woman out, initiating anal, and becoming a leader inside and outside of the bedroom. Access our free online resources and Facebook group, hear from other guys on our online forum, and read the Best She’s Ever Had, a best-selling book on Amazon, or invest further into your sex life by joining one of our exclusive 5-Day retreats and online academy.
