The clitoris is a part of the human reproductive system, consisting of two parts: the glans clitoris (head) and the body. The head of the clitoris has three main functions: increase sexual arousal and pleasure during intercourse, and help women achieve vaginal orgasms.
But have you ever wondered where her clitoris is? There’s no shame in admitting you had trouble finding it before.
If yes, you should read this article because it contains some helpful information about female anatomy, and we will show you a few techniques you can use to maximize pleasure in the bedroom.
Table of Contents
What Is the Clitoris?
The clitoris is a small, extremely sensitive organ that’s responsible, in most cases, for the female orgasm. It’s between the pubic bone and the vaginal opening.
The clitoris has two parts: the glans (head) and the body. The head of the clitoris contains erectile tissue that can become engorged with blood during sexual arousal. The body of the clitoris consists of spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra. This part of the clitoris does not contain erectile tissue but has nerve endings responsible for pleasure.
During sexual stimulation, the nerves in the clitoris send messages to the brain, which causes muscles to contract around the vagina, and these muscles squeeze the walls of the vagina. In addition, the clitoris sends signals to the pelvic floor muscles, causing them to relax.
Sexual stimulation also causes changes in the clitoris. As mentioned, the clitoris contains erective tissue that gets larger and more engorged with blood. The clitoris also contains spongy tissue that produces lubricating fluids when sexually stimulated.
External Anatomy of the Clitoris
The external anatomy of the clitoris is similar to the external anatomy of the penis. The clitoral hood covers the clitoris and extends into the labia majora. The clitoral shaft runs from the base of the clitoris to the tip. The outer surface of the clitoral shaft is covered by the skin called the prepuce or foreskin. The inner surface of the clitoral hood is smooth and hairless.
Internal Anatomy of the Clitoris
The internal anatomy of the clitoris differs slightly from the internal anatomy of the penis. The clitoris and the penis have three chambers: the corpus cavernosa, the corpus spongiosum, and the bulbocavernosus muscle. The corpus cavernosa is the largest chamber of the clitoris, and it contains erectile tissue that fills with blood during sexual arousal, giving the appearance of an erection. The corpus spongiosum is filled with fluid that lubricates the clitoris. The bulbocavernosus is a muscle that helps move the clitoris back and forth within the body.
How to Find Her Clitoris in Three Easy Steps
The three steps to finding the clitoris are: spreading her lips, searching higher up, and using her arousal levels to your advantage.
With these steps, you will find the clitoris in any woman.
In a comfortable position, use your thumb and index finger to slightly spread her lips (the labia). Women have two pairs of lips, one on the outside, the labia majora, and one on the inside, the labia minora. You will need to get both out of the way if you want to stimulate her clit directly.
Go High
The clit is below the pubic bone (the triangular patch where hair grows) and above the vaginal opening. Many people make the mistake of searching for the clit somewhere near the vaginal opening, which is not how you want to do it.
Instead, place your hand on her pubic bone and rest it there. Use your finger to reach down and feel for a bump in the center. That’s her clitoris.
Let Arousal Be Your Friend
The more turned on she is, the easier it will be to find her clitoris. Many things can turn a woman on. It’s called foreplay. Instead of immediately reaching down and searching for her clitoris, spend more time with your clothes on or just in your underwear, exploring each other’s bodies.
Why Can't I Find Her Clit?
It’s okay if you can’t find the clit! Most people, even vulva owners, have never been adequately educated on finding their partner’s clitoris. Female anatomy feels much more complicated than male anatomy, and there are many more folds and bits to get lost in. There are four principal reasons you can’t locate her clitoris, including not understanding her anatomy. Study the diagram at the top, and then prepare your fingers to explore.
The easiest way to find the clitoris is to look down at your partner’s body while she is lying on her back. Look for a small bump on the top of the vulva. If you can’t see it, ask your partner to guide your fingers to her clit.
You're in the Wrong Spot
It’s easy to get lost in all the folds of skin, and the labia do a perfect job of hiding the clit, urethral opening, and vaginal canal from the outside world. If your lady has large labia, finding the clit gets significantly harder.
You might have mistaken the labia minora (the tiny inner labia) for her clitoris. To the untrained hand and eye, they might appear the same. The clitoris is located right in the center, so if your hand is somewhere off to the left or right, chances are you’re fondling her labia, not clit. Try to center your hand and feel for a bump in the center. That’s the clit. Depending on her arousal level, the bump might be tiny or large and swollen. Stimulate the bump and watch as it engorges with blood the more you touch it.
It's Flaccid
Female anatomy comes in many different shapes and sizes. Some women have a large clitoris that is easy to find, regardless of their level of sexual excitement. Others have smaller, delicate clits easily concealed by the labia (the lips) and hood.
When the clit is flaccid, it might be challenging to find. The clit, like a penis, is filled with erectile tissue that allows it to fill with blood during arousal. If things just started getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, her clit might not have had enough time to become engorged and easy to find. Foreplay is your friend. Instead of diving straight for her clit and sticking your hand down her pants, start slower. Spend more time kissing, caressing her erogenous zones, and grinding against her without vaginal penetration to get the blood flowing south. Remember that women often take more time to become aroused than men, so try not to rush the process.
It's Obstructed
The clitoral hood or even pieces of her clothing might get in the way. The clitoral hood acts much like the foreskin, concealing the clitoris. When a woman becomes sexually aroused, the clit swells, preventing the hood from fully covering it. You have two options to find the clit if it’s hidden by either her body parts or underwear. The most obvious step is to remove her panties or any other piece of clothing that might be in the way, such as an oversized t-shirt or flowy dress that hangs between her legs. Next, turn your partner on before even considering touching her clit! It might seem like torture in the short term, but you’re benefiting both you and her by allowing more sexual tension to build. Next, push back the clitoral hood. Use one thumb to push back the hood gently. The hood feels like excess skin and will be easy to tell apart from her actual clit.
She's in the Wrong Position
You can find the clit in most sex positions. Still, some are better than others, especially if you are just getting started in your sexual journey and want to quickly locate and stimulate the clit without going on a scavenger hunt for it. The best position for stimulating her clit is on her back. In this position, her legs will be fully spread, preventing any pieces of clothing or the tightness of her closed legs from hiding it. Ask your partner to relax on the bed without her underwear. Spread her legs as wide as she’s comfortable, and gently start exploring.
How to Stimulate the Clitoris
If you’ve found her clit, now what? Once you’ve located it, gently rub it with your fingertip, starting at the top and moving toward the bottom. This will help you figure out how sensitive it is. Some women prefer light touch while others enjoy firm pressure. Experiment until you find something that works for your lady. Watch the YouTube video below for more details.
Finding precisely what works for your partner will take time. If she does not get much pleasure despite trying all these techniques, scroll down to the troubleshooting section for recommendations on what to do next.
Start by setting the mood with excellent foreplay and a good atmosphere. Light candles if you need to, play music, and take your time exploring her body before sliding your hand between her thighs.
Spend some time exploring her vulva. Slide your hand up and down the outer lips (labia majora) and trace your fingers up and down. Give your partner a full pussy massage before searching for her clitoris.
Once you have located the clitoris, use lube or her natural fluids to make the clit super wet! Why? It feels better.
Some women have a more sensitive clitoris than others. It’s better to start with gentle touches, strokes, or licks before working up to faster, more intense stimulation.
Be patient! This might take some time.
The clitoris is one of the most sensitive parts of the female anatomy, and there are many ways to pleasure her. But you don’t want to rush things. If you’re having trouble finding what works on your partner, take your time exploring different areas of the clitoris and vulva and find where it feels best.
Try Different Types of Touches
Many different types of touches work well for stimulating the clitoris. Here are some examples:
- Light Touch: Lightly stroke the area around the clitoris with your finger in either an up-and-down or circular motion.
- Firm Pressure: Use your fingers to press firmly against the clitoris.
- Vibrators and Wands: Vibrate the clitoris directly with a vibrator.
- Gentle Strokes: Move your entire hand over the vulva without focusing too much on the clitoris.
- Rubbing: Rub the clitoris with your fingertips in a circular motion using either firm or light pressure.
- Tapping: Use one finger to tap on the clitoris slowly or rapidly, depending on how she responds.
- Licking: Use your tongue to lick her clitoris and vulva. Might we suggest you brush up on your oral sex skills? Read this!
- Pinching: Use your thumb and index finger to gently pinch and squeeze the clit.
- Fingering: Insert one or two fingers into the vagina while pressing another against her clitoris.
Slide and Grind
The slide and grind is a way to stimulate the clitoris before or after sex. In missionary position, rub the head of your penis against her clitoris. First, wet it and slide it back and forward between the labia. The slide and grind also works in women on top sex positions. While she gets on top to ride, let her grind her clitoris against your penis before putting it inside her.
Troubleshooting
So you found her clit, but nothing seems to work on her. She’s not moaning as you expected or didn’t seem to be that into it. What’s wrong?
The most obvious explanation is that she is not interested. By “not interested,” we don’t mean that she’s not interested in you, per se. We mean that she doesn’t want to have her clitoris stimulated by another person at that moment or without the assistance of a sex toy or double stimulation.
Your partner might not be at a point in her sexual journey where she can freely enjoy having her body touched and explored by another person. Depending on her upbringing and culture, it might all be too much for her.
Assuming that she is open, she might not be interested because she’s insecure. Many women are told there is something wrong with their genitals from a very young age. She might think her labia are too big, too small, too weirdly colored, or smell.
Therefore, having you up and close to her bits is uncomfortable for her, so she doesn’t relax and enjoy the experience. Another valid reason not to enjoy clitoral stimulation is past sexual trauma. She might not be ready to partake in sexual activities again after experiencing a violation of her privacy and body.
Or perhaps, you have bad timing. You will most likely get lackluster results if you’re trying to play with her clit when she’s busy with work, thinking about taking care of the children or stressed about any other life’s inconveniences. In this case, you will be better off removing the stress and creating a warm, open environment for sexual pleasure. If it’s financially feasible, rent a nice hotel room. Run a bubble bath and let her relax in the tub next to good-smelling candles, body lotions, and sprays. Once she’s relaxed, present her favorite chocolate or dessert. Take your time, progressing throughout the evening, and slowly build up to touching each other and having sex.
Sometimes money is the problem, and you can’t afford to wine and dine your lady tonight. An easy alternative to an expensive meal and hotel is to cook for her at home, clean up the bedroom and house, and then light some candles in the bedroom. You might be thinking, why am I doing all this to play with her clit? All of your efforts are not just to play with her clit, but to help her get pleasure from the experience by surrounding her with affection and removing stress.
Another reasonable explanation for why she doesn’t enjoy having her clit touched is that you aren’t giving her what she needs to enjoy it. Try experimenting with pace, rhythm, and intensity. Ask her what she likes. Does she enjoy fast strokes? Gentle caressing? Firm pressure? Perhaps after finding the clit, you failed to give it what it needed for maximum pleasure. The solution is simple — try a different touch type until you hit the jackpot!
Using sex toys is another option. If she needs fast and hard to cum, a high-speed vibrating Hitachi wand or bullet vibrator will do the trick better than your fingers ever could.
We have one more suggestion, and it will be your secret weapon. It’s called a Hail Mary combination, and we promise this technique will bring any woman to her knees in ecstasy. You will need to combine a G Spot wand with a Hitachi wand. The G Spot wand applies pressure and vibrations to her G Spot inside the vagina, while the Hitachi wand will give her all the clitoral stimulation she could ever need.
Using and purchasing sex toys is not as intimidating as it sounds. Most sellers are discreet and value their customer’s privacy, so worry not about a massive box with the words’ Sex Toys’ written in dark marker arriving at your doorstep for the mailman and neighbors to see.
Finally, if stimulating her clit is getting you nowhere, go back to the drawing board, pick one motion, and consistently do it! Pick the one she liked the most and only do that one because some women need time and steady, consistent movements to orgasm.
Conclusion
The clitoris is a very sensitive part of the female anatomy. It is located near the opening of the vagina, and its purpose is to provide pure pleasure! There are many ways to stimulate the clitoris without intercourse. Some people may prefer using their hands, others may use sex toys, and others may prefer oral. Regardless of your chosen method, don’t be afraid to experiment with different techniques until you find the right method to make her orgasm.
