I went from a nerdy lanky guy with no game to a self-identified player. I had three girlfriends and multiple casual hookups, and in my mind, I was great in bed. Then I met a more experienced woman who sat me down and said, “You’re shit in bed.”
Table of Contents
This earth-shattering revelation was an absolute curve ball that prompted me to investigate sexuality and learn the techniques and skills required to pleasure a woman, and then I became a Best Selling author.
It was more than a 10-year journey to get to where I am today, but I’ve acquired a myriad of knowledge for turning an awkward situation into a learning opportunity for better sex while leaving your partner better and wetter.
Sex is sometimes awkward and that’s normal, but that does not mean mind-blowing sex is off the table. It’s achievable for every guy to be less awkward and achieve an incredible connection with women.
Why is Sex Awkward?
You already know because you’ve been there; otherwise, you would not be reading this article. You can probably think of ten different scenarios in your mind or lived experiences where sex was awkward and pinpoint precisely what went wrong — it was your first time with her, your first sexual experience ever, the first time trying a new position, you were anxious, you came too early, she didn’t cum at all, and numerous others.
Picture it — You had this woman on your mind for weeks and finally got her to go on a date with you and eventually to your apartment. The excitement and anticipation build as you rip her clothes off, jump on top of her, and finish in less than one minute. She looks confused. You, in embarrassment, think, “I just ruined my chances with her. She’ll never call me again.” You get the point, so we aren’t going to waste your time forcing you to relive every awkward experience or failed attempt at intimacy because that’s not why you’re here.
At SQL, we focus on solutions. Sex can be awkward, so we aren’t going to pretend otherwise. Many moving parts, needs, desires, body types, and sizes all contribute to awkward sex.
Awkwardness will happen whether you’re a beginner and it’s your first time or someone with hundreds of conquests under your belt, but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure or the sexual experience can’t go from awkward to amazing in a matter of minutes.
You're About to Change Your Sex Life
You’re going to change your life right now because you are going to accept sex for what it is – messy, weird, playful, and occasional strenuous exercise.
Then, you’re going to change your tactics in the bedroom from always fast and furious to playful and versatile to make sex less awkward and more pleasurable.
There are no fast and hard rules, so approach sex with a beginner’s mindset. Even if you were an expert on every position known to humankind, you will still encounter unforeseeable circumstances and end up in one or two awkward situations from time to time because sex is different with every woman.
Sex for the first time is even more awkward as the lack of experience paired with a lack of knowledge and unrealistic expectations can lead to a pretty uncomfortable situation.
So, accept that you learn as you go, especially with a new person. Every woman is different, and as we say at SQL “every pussy is different” too. If you apply the rules of your past relations to your new one, you will end up in an awkward situation.
You will now accept sex for what it is, and not be afraid to allow yourself to be unrestrained, with no plans, no expectations for multiple orgasms or advanced sex positions — nothing. Be present with your partner and learn with her as your relationship develops.
See a relationship therapist if you have, but communication is key to better sex! Have open communication with your partner about your needs and desires, whether it’s a specific position or sex in general. If it’s not working out, then pause, address the issue, have a chat, laugh, and move on.
Set some boundaries with a safe word so you can try rougher sex or more thrilling positions with neither one of you pressured nor pushed too far.
If things aren’t going well, and you or your partner aren’t feeling a particular position or movement, then say something. When you sit back and suffer in silence, things turn awkward.
Ensure that your relationship with your sexual partner, long-term, short-term, serious, or casual, is open enough to always allow for honest communication.
Why are you rushing to get inside her when you haven’t even taken the time to properly look at her — those amazingly perky tits, curvy waist, shiny hair, dimples, and everything else that drives you crazy about her when her clothes are on? Take your time getting in the mood, allowing the sexual tension to build. Penetration should be the last thing on your mind, especially when you initiate sex for the first time.
Taking your time allows you to get excited, spend more time deepening your connection, and get her wetter and ready for sex. She might be nervous because she had a bad experience with her previous partner or feel unsexy because she put on 5lbs of weight over the holiday, and she thinks you notice. Whatever the reason, sex will be less awkward when you take your time.
Try putting on some background music to help create a more relaxed atmosphere and wait for a better time and location to start exploring each other’s bodies. If your environment is uncomfortable, you will be too, and discomfort leads to awkwardness.
Porn has taught us one strategy for sex — hard, fast, loud, and crazy. If you keep believing that sex is supposed to be one particular way to be fun and pleasurable, then it will never be free of awkwardness because real sex is not a movie.
For example, you attempt anal sex for the first time using only what you’ve learned from porn. You forgo the ample lube and head straight in only to watch as your partner grimaces, pulls away, and halts all sexual activity for the evening to tend to her newly sore ass.
Now, you will delete the porn memory card from your brain and allow yourself to adapt to the situation without rushing into anything. Does your partner seem uneasy in the position? Change it to a different one. Is she worried about being naked? Turn off the lights. When you keep adapting to the sexual situation, sex will be less awkward.
As much as every guy would like a seven-inch penis, the fact of the matter is you DON’T. Well, maybe you do, but there’s something else you haven’t come to terms with that makes sex more awkward than pleasurable.
If you don’t have a six-pack, delete the expectation that she wants you to have a six-pack or a seven-inch penis from your mind. She might not want any of those things, but you carrying the thought that she does is what’s causing you to feel awkward in the situation. Exude confidence in the bedroom to make sex less awkward, and start by knowing yourself.
This brings us to our next point, stop trying to be someone you are not when fucking. Many guys want to be hypermasculine and ultra-dominant in the bedroom because you believe that’s what women want. You see it in porn and the movies, or maybe you heard it from your female colleagues who can’t stop chatting about that movie and how they can’t wait to be held captive in a sex dungeon by a super-rich, jacked dude or whatever other fantasy they’ve come up.
A lot of women do have that fantasy, but there are plenty that do not. Maybe she wants to be the boss and ride you cowgirl style. Perhaps she wants a man who is a little less masculine and more sensitive. Once you realize that there is a woman for every guy, you will be much happier not forcing yourself to conform, and sex will be less awkward.
Sex will be less awkward if you accept whatever she has to offer. Bring lube into the bedroom if she has trouble getting or staying wet. She might also feel the need to perform on command, and believe you expect her panties to be dripping wet as soon as you start playing with that area.
She won’t feel comfortable, and the entire situation will turn awkward as she continues to think she has to deliver a waterfall when a stream is the best she can do. Make her feel good and safe with whatever she has at that moment, and things will move in the right direction as you continue with foreplay, oral sex, and toys. A no-pressure environment will make her wetter and sex less awkward.
You are not a performer there to deliver a hard dick on command. You might feel the need to perform., walk into the bedroom, grab her by her ankles or hair, and ravish her. You feel the need to perform when you expect to make her orgasm two to three times or keep an erection for x-amount of minutes.
Get out of your head and stop overthinking. If you make her feel sexy, safe, and comfortable, she will have a great time with you. You make her feel safe and comfortable by accepting her for how she is, asking her questions, and checking in with her often throughout the experience. She’ll feel desirable if you tell her how beautiful she is, how much you want to see her in lingerie, and how much you enjoy touching her. Do not forget your body language. Humans communicate more with unspoken words than spoken ones. If you look interested with your eyes glued to her, she will think she is hot and feel at ease in the situation.
Sex is not a performance, nor is it purely penetration. Its playfulness and intimacy. If you can’t get hard, you can’t get hard. Many men are concerned about performing and struggle with erectile dysfunction, so you aren’t alone.
Slow things down, relax, give or receive oral, caress her, touch or play with each other, and enjoy the moment. You do not need to deliver a rock-hard penis to your girlfriend every time to make her orgasm or even give her pleasure. You can do so many things to turn an awkward “I can’t get hard” into a playful “let’s try this instead tonight.”
Remember that it will be awkward from time to time. It’s nearly unavoidable, but that does not mean you can’t find your way to great sex and a better connection with women. In fact, we wholeheartedly believe that mind-blowing sex and orgasms are possible for everyone.
You can lessen the awkwardness by taking things slow, especially when you first meet your partner, talking with her, and removing expectations that things will be one way or the other 100% of the time.
If you’re looking for deeper insights into pleasing a woman and becoming THE BEST sexual partner she’s ever had, consider enrolling in the Best She’s Ever Had course, where you’ll learn practical advice for improving your sex life from how to actually eat a woman out, initiating anal, and becoming a leader inside and outside of the bedroom. Access our free online resources and Facebook group, hear from other guys on our online forum, and read the Best She’s Ever Had, a best-selling book on Amazon, or invest further into your sex life by joining one of our exclusive 5-Day retreats and online academies.