Guaranteed better sex starts with good foreplay. A man who knows his way around the bedroom has a lot going for him, but he still needs some guidance to take things to the next level. That’s where we come in. We have many tips and tricks to get you started, whether you want to spice up your relationship or enjoy your partner more.
Table of Contents
Foreplay 101
Foreplay is one of those things that everyone knows about but no one really talks about. We all know we should do it before sex, but few of us get around to doing it. And even fewer of us talk about it and realize just how crucial it is to great sex!
What exactly is foreplay, then? Foreplay is anything that gets you horny! It involves kissing, touching, caressing, and other titillating and sexy activities.
We often think of foreplay as optional or a bonus on top of penetration. How would you feel if we told you you’ve got foreplay all wrong?
Foreplay is not optional nor a bonus to sex; it’s essential for great sex.
It helps build sexual tension and anticipation, which leads to greater pleasure and even a better orgasm during intercourse.
Foreplay Tips for Better Sex
Read our list of the best foreplay tips to ensure you’re doing everything possible to get your partner hot and bothered. After reading these tips, continue to the techniques section to learn how to incorporate these recommendations into actions and get results. Finish by using the scenes and games section to integrate everything into a highly gratifying evening of pleasure for you and your partner.
Start in the Mind
Physical foreplay is great, but mental foreplay is even better! It’s a low effort but gives optimal results. What’s not to like about mental foreplay?
For most women, great sex is mental more than physical. You can get your partner super turned on without touching her just by speaking in a low, sexy voice, telling her how sexy she looks, casually talking about sex, dirty talking, and more!
We’ve provided a full list of mental foreplay ideas to help you get her wetter than a swimming pool down below, but the most vital tip about turning a woman on that anyone can give you is this: focus on her mind, and her body will follow.
It sounds simple because it is!
However, many men skip this crucial step and go straight for the vagina and then wonder why their partner does not orgasm or is not aroused on during intercourse.
Start Slow
All the good stuff comes to those who wait (or something like that), said a famous poet. There’s much truth to that saying when it comes to initiating foreplay and having a great sex life.
If you want to really turn her on, start slowly!
Don’t just jump into bed and expect everything to happen immediately. Start kissing each other gently and exploring each other’s bodies with your hands. Take time to enjoy each other’s body, touch, and smell. Slow foreplay builds anticipation and excitement.
Slowly kiss her neck and then move down to her chest. Kiss her breasts and lightly caress them with your hands. Then kiss her stomach and finally her inner thighs. Once she’s warmed up, you can move on to other parts of her body.
Start Early
Foreplay does not start in the bedroom. If you waited until then, you already went wrong somewhere. Foreplay starts when you’re in public and on your way home from the grocery store when you reach over and lightly touch her thigh as you drive the car.
It starts when you’re at work, and you text her to request that she waits on the bed for you, wearing her sexiest lingerie or nothing at all…
Foreplay is not something to limit to the confines of your bedroom, so start early, but take your time. Build anticipation by waiting and holding out as long as you can. The longer you can wait, the more likely you will be ready to explode like a well-shaken can of pop before even laying one finger on each other.
Keep Things Low Pressure
Foreplay is not a high-stakes match. When you initiate foreplay, you never go into it with the mindset of it being a race to get into her pants. It’s been estimated that women need at least twenty minutes of foreplay, although we suspect that it’s actually much more than that to reach peak arousal.
When you apply pressure to your partner to hurry up and get to penile-vaginal intercourse, you end up shooting yourself in the foot because women don’t function well in high-pressure sexual environments.
Don’t go too fast. Don’t rush into anything. Take your time and enjoy the moment. Be present with your partner without any objectives or expectations.
Be Creative
There are plenty of ways to spice up foreplay. Try new positions, use toys, and experiment with different kinds of kisses, nibbles, licks, and touches.
Add Something Sexy
Think about what turns her on and incorporate that into foreplay. Use candles, incense, scented oils, massage oils, bath salts, bubble baths, or anything else that might add a little extra zest to the mix.
Go wild! Grab a vibrator, whipped cream, melted chocolate, lube, or oil.
Have fun
Make sure that you’re enjoying yourself during foreplay. That means being playful, silly, and romantic. Have fun with foreplay without thinking of it as the lead-up to the main event.
Foreplay in itself, without sexual intercourse, can be highly pleasure-inducing and fun for both parties in the relationship.
Techniques for Great Foreplay
The best foreplay uses all three principles: soft, silly, and savage.
You want softness such as gentle caress, kisses, light stroking, and touching.
You want silliness such as playful wrestling, laughing, and uninhibited sexual expression and joy.
Finally, you need something a little savage! Manhandling, grabbing, spanking, holding, pinching, teasing, and groping are all examples of savagely great foreplay.
You will find examples of all three principles in the mental and physical foreplay idea sections below and how to apply those ideas in the subsequent scenes and games sections.
Mental Foreplay Ideas
Great sex starts in the mind!
Mental foreplay is thinking about sex. It involves imagining what you want to happen and visualizing it.
Think back to when you first met your partner. Did you spend hours discussing her favorite movies, books, music, or hobbies? Or did you start making out right away? While physical foreplay is great, mental foreplay is even better. Consider what turns them on and incorporate those ideas into your lovemaking.
Erotica
Erotic materials such as films, books, and even fan fiction on the internet are all great ways to get into the mood.
Watching erotic movies together has been shown to increase intimacy and satisfaction. Some women enjoy watching porn with their men. Other women prefer not to watch explicit scenes but have no problem watching a sexy movie where actors simulate sexual experiences but no nudity is shown. Think PG-13 or R-rated films where nothing more than a nipple is shown for a few seconds or actors stay fully clothed in the scene. Watching Pride and Prejudice, the kissing scene from the Notebook or the fantasy love scene from the Shape of Water is enough to turn some women on.
Some women become weak in the knees when presented with auditory stimulation, such as listening to a love song, an audiobook of their favorite romantic novel, or their partner’s voice reading an excerpt from their favorite sex scene in a top-selling novel such as Fifty Shades of Grey.
Knowing what your partner likes is key to using erotic materials as foreplay, as some forms of erotica won’t work on some women.
Sex Playlists
A great way to start foreplay is to play music together. Some examples include classical, jazz, blues, rock, country, techno, hip-hop, pop, heavy metal, and others.
It’s not just about music – it’s about having the right kind of music. Your partner might be interested in love ballads. Whereas some ladies like to fuck to the beat of rock music. You’ll never think of Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne the same way again!
Choose your playlist carefully, and you will get her in the right mood for sex.
We’ve created a YouTube video to guide you through creating your sex playlist to get her in the right mood.
Talk Dirty
You might think dirty talk would only work if you’re already naked, but it works whether you’re clothed or unclothed. Dirty talk is simply using words to express yourself sexually. It could be something as simple as saying, “I love you,” or “I want you,” or ‘I want to fuck you.”
Dirty talk is a fun way to get her going. Tell her what you love about her body or what you want to do to her. Be creative!
She’ll appreciate it when you compliment her breasts, ass, legs, lips, eyes, hair, skin, smell, taste, and anything else you love about her.
Keep in mind that some women absolutely love to be degraded. We wrote an extensive guide to talking dirty inside their bedroom, but to summarize: Some ladies adore being called every nasty little name under the sun, as long as you keep it inside the bedroom!
Strip Teases
A strip tease is slowly taking off your clothes while your partner watches. A strip tease can be done either solo or together. If she’s doing it alone, she can use a mirror to watch herself undress. Some women find their own bodies and sexuality arousing. She should invite you to join her in the bedroom when she’s ready.
Strip teases work both ways! Show off for her, and allow her to show off for you. The goal of the strip tease is to enjoy viewing your partner’s body without distractions before touching each other.
Allow her to watch you slowly undress and show off in the bedroom while she watches in utter disbelief that this godly creature belongs only to her. Furthermore, a strip tease is a great way to get her attention on you and only you. Start slowly by removing one article of clothing after another until you are completely naked. Then, take your time undressing her or allow her to give you a strip tease.
Let her get herself aroused by showing off for you as you sit back in utter amazement with a look that says, Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Once she’s nude, stand behind her and run your hands over her body. Touch her breasts, buttocks, thighs, and abdomen. Rub her nipples between your thumb and index finger.
Don’t rush. Take your time and enjoy every inch, mole, freckle, and mark. Think, Don’t touch her pussy! Foreplay works best when you avoid the genitals for as long as possible, allowing anticipation and intense sexual desire to build.
Role-Play
Role-playing is when you pretend to be someone else. For instance, you could act out a fantasy scene with your partner. Role-play can involve dressing up as characters from books, movies, TV shows, video games, or whatever else you can imagine. Whatever you choose, remember that it’s just fun. Don’t take yourself too seriously!
If she wants to be a naughty cheerleader that has missed too many practices and now needs to be punished by you, her hot coach — great!
If she wants to be the Hermione to your Harry Potter, fantastic!
Role-playing is great because it allows you to express your inner desires freely! There are sexual acts that we would love to do, but can’t bring ourselves to because it’s inappropriate, fears of judgment, etc.
You’re free to let loose when you’re pretending to be someone or something else (furries, we’re talking about you).
Physical Foreplay Ideas
After engaging her mind, engage her body with soft, silly, or savage actions.
Kiss Her Lips
Kissing can be done anywhere—on the street, in a car, at work, or while watching TV together.
A kiss is one of the oldest forms of foreplay, and it’s a wonderful way to express love and affection.
You may not realize how arousing it can be when kissing someone. Kissing stimulates blood flow to certain body areas, including the genitals! You stimulate nerve endings and increase arousal when you kiss your partner, making her wet and ready for sex.
A good kiss uses the lips, but a great kiss uses the lips, tongue, and hands to create a passionate yet tender sexual experience.
Kiss Her Entire Body
When kissing your partner, try not to stop until she says stop. Kiss her neck, ears, shoulders, back, arms, legs, feet… and everywhere else! When you reach her breasts, gently squeeze and rub her nipples.
Don’t just use your lips; get in there with your tongue! Lick and suck on her ear, neck, shoulders, feet, toes, nipples, thighs, butt, and eventually between her legs.
Love Bites
Bite her lips, cheeks, chin, neck, shoulder, breast, belly button, thighs, knees, calves, toes, fingers, and anywhere else she desires.
Start with light, soft, and gentle biting before using a little more pressure. Some women crave having marks left on their bodies after sex, so she might be interested in having a little love bite left over for her to admire the following day. Other ladies don’t enjoy pain or the sharpness of teeth on their sensitive skin. In that case, she might only want a bite or two somewhere, like her neck, and nothing more.
If you’re unsure what kind of bite is right for her, ask! She’ll know if it’s too much or not enough. If she says no, you can try something else next time. But if she says yes, then give it a shot. You’ll find out pretty quickly whether she likes it or not.
Sensual Caresses
Sensual caresses are designed to create pleasure and arousal in your partner. They are nonverbal and communicate sexual desire to your partner.
For example, you can rub your partner’s back, kiss their neck, or stroke their hair. Other sensual caresses include massaging her feet, stroking her legs, and rubbing her hands.
Sensual caresses are great because you can do them in public without causing a scene or in private before moving on to something a little more intense.
Full Body Massage
Many people think foreplay is limited to just stroking and kissing. While these activities certainly play a role in foreplay, they aren’t the only ones. A good sensual massage can be incredibly arousing. Plus, it helps release tension and stress, making sex ten times better!
Not to mention, a great massage is very intimate and can strengthen bonds.
Grab some oil or lube. Coconut oil works great for at-home massages, but if you want, you can purchase professional massage oil from an online specialty shop or a general seller like Amazon.
We don’t recommend using almond oil because nut allergies are quite common, and it’s possible that your new lover has not yet disclosed her allergy to you. There are many sexy things on this planet, but anaphylaxis is not one of them!
Word to the wise: Oil can degrade condoms, so if you decide to have vaginal or anal sex after your sexy massage, avoid using oil as a lubricant.
To begin a massage, ask your partner to lie on her stomach. Put a pillow under her chin. Place your knees on either side of her torso. Then, start massaging her upper back, shoulders, and neck.
Next, work your way down to her lower back. Continue working down her spine, occasionally pressing firmly against certain areas.
Move to her buttocks. Press firmly against her butt and caress along the sides. Also, apply pressure to her glutes, calves, and ankles.
Finally, move to her feet. Massage her soles, toes, and heels.
Now, ask her to turn over and massage from top to bottom. This time, pay close attention to her breasts. Pinch or tease her nipples with your fingers. Caress her breasts, belly button, waist, and hips. Run your fingers along her body, especially between her legs.
Avoid touching her vaginal area for as long as possible. Giving stimulation to her body without touching her genitals will drive her wild! Allow her to moan, grunt, or beg before sliding your hands down between her legs for a pussy massage.
Pussy Massage
Another great way to stimulate a woman’s body is with a pussy massage. Use your hands to stroke her vulva and inner thighs by rubbing in circular motions or up and down. Continue downwards and rub around the vaginal opening without going inside. Allow her to pull you in and beg you to enter her before inserting your fingers inside to find and play with her G Spot.
Sex Toys
Sex toys are a great way to add variety to your foreplay routine. They can be used solo or together.
There are many types of sex toys available today. Some are designed specifically for women, while others are made for men. There are even ones that are designed for couples.
Some sex toys that are good for foreplay are dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, cock rings, nipple clamps, blindfolds, and handcuffs.
Cock rings are worn around the base of the penis. Cock rings increase blood flow to the shaft of the penis and cause erections.
Nipple clamps are worn over nipples. Nipples are highly sensitive, and clamping them causes intense pleasure.
Vibrators are another popular choice. These devices produce incredible vibrations against sensitive areas such as the clitoris, G Spot, or anus.
Our favorite sex toys and those we recommend to any couple looking to improve their sex life are the Hitachi Wand, G Spot Vibrator, Vibrating Egg, and Vibrating Butt Plug. If you want to know how to make an entire evening of fun with only one or two toys, continue to the next section, where we discuss foreplay games.
Oral Sex
Oral sex doesn’t just make for great foreplay; it’s an event all in itself.
Oral sex is great foreplay because it is one of the easiest ways to make her aroused and wet. Before having oral sex, talk to your partner about what feels good. Ask her what positions she likes. Also, ask her what kind of stimulation she enjoys. When eating her out, focus on stimulating her clit and G-spot.
Oral sex pairs well with any foreplay ideas described above, especially with a pussy massage. After giving her the best pussy massage, pleasure her with oral sex.
The key to oral sex is enjoying it! If you don’t enjoy oral sex, then don’t do it. A woman can not fully enjoy herself if she thinks you’re only giving her oral because you want her to return the favor.
Anal Sex
Anal sex is also great foreplay. Unlike men, women do not have a prostate gland, so women do not receive pleasure from anal sex as men do.
Try stimulating her anus with your tongue first, then a finger, and finally, your penis once she’s ready. Or try inserting a dildo or butt plug to experiment with sex toys.
Anal sex needs some preparation. First, lubricate the area with water-based lube. Second, put on a condom. When playing with that area, remember that you can also go from the vagina to the anus, but never from the anus into the vagina without first cleaning your fingers, toys, or penis. Using a condom makes the transition from anal to vaginal a lot smoother, as you can always replace the condom with a new one.
Third, place a pillow under her hips to raise them slightly off the bed. Fourth, position yourself. Finally, enter her slowly and carefully. Allow her to pull you in without forcing yourself deeper into her.
If she’s not ready, pull out and try again with more teasing with your fingers, tongue, or sex toys. Learn more about making anal pleasurable here.
Bondage
Bondage can be extremely arousing. Tie her up in the bedroom, shower, or dedicated sex room.
There are many types of bondage sex. Bondage sex includes tying your partner up and using ropes, chains, cuffs, blindfolds, gags, and other restraints to control them.
Bondage pairs well with rough sex involving kissing, biting, spanking, slapping, hair pulling, pinching, and even choking. Read me to learn more about rough sex!
Don’t forget your safe words if you engage in bondage during foreplay.
A safe word is a phrase to let your partner know they should stop whatever activity they are currently engaged in. Safe words can be anything from a specific word to a general term, such as “red.” Make sure you tell your partner what the safe word is ahead of time, and make sure your safe word is something both parties will remember and will not confuse with something else.
The easiest safe words to remember are yellow and red. Yellow means that you are getting close to their limit. Slow down and ask what’s making your partner uncomfortable. Red means you crossed a limit. Stop immediately and discuss what went wrong.
Foreplay Scenes and Games
After reading all these foreplay tips, you should be ready to incorporate them into a little game to heat things up in the bedroom.
These foreplay scenes and games can be used alone without vaginal penetration. You might even be able to make her so aroused she has an orgasm without sexual intercourse!
The Kissing Game
In the kissing game, you ask your partner to lie completely still. You will then kiss from the top of her body all the way down to her toes, coming back up to the genitals for oral sex.
In the kissing game, you don’t stop until your partner begs. This game is perfect because it works for both male and female partners. Start by kissing your partner’s entire body, then switch roles and be the receiver until you both are so aroused you’re ready to jump into penetration.
Death by 1000 Kisses
Death by 1000 Kisses is a similar kissing game where the goal is to give as many kisses as possible near her pussy, but not give her oral sex.
The goal is to make her so aroused that she begs you to eat her out. See if you can get to 1000 kisses before she grabs and pulls you toward her vagina as she moans and begs you to eat her out.
Five Senses of Sin
When you take away one of the senses, you heighten the others. Start by blindfolding your partner. Ensure she’s comfortable first, feed her sweets, such as chocolate-covered strawberries, then start pleasuring her body.
Take away another sense. Put on headphones, playing her favorite music. Continue playing with her.
Take away another sense — touch. Handcuff or tie her to the bed so that she can not hear, see, or move away as you touch and pleasure her body.
This game also works in reverse if you want to be the receiver while your partner plays with you.
A Song of Fire and Ice
This isn’t George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Fire and Ice, although they definitely have something in common — an absurd amount of nudity!
You will use heat or ice to pleasure your partner in this game. Take an ice cube and run it all along your partner’s body. In particular, ice and nipples are a titillating combination.
Next time you play, use heat instead. This might be a little extreme for some people, but hot or warm candle wax dripping onto the body can be arousing for some.
King for a Day
In this game, you will be king for the day and receive your heart’s desires from your eager-to-please girlfriend or wife.
For an entire day, whatever you want, sexually or otherwise, is fair game! The goal of this game is to receive unlimited pleasure from your partner.
Queen for a Day
After you spent an entire day as king, it’s her time to rule the kingdom as its queen.
You must now comply with all her demands and fulfill all of her desires, sexual or otherwise, whenever she pleases. The goal of this game is to please your partner.
The King and Queen's Domain
After ruling the kingdom as sole ruler, you will now join forces and rule happily together.
You will spend an entire day serving and pleasuring each other until you and she are completely satisfied and unable to ask for more.
If there’s still something on her mind that she wants, you’re not done playing! Likewise, if there’s still something on your mind, the game does not end.
The game will only end when you both are exhausted, or the 24-hour limit is up, whichever comes first.
The Humble Hoe
The Humble Hoe is a dominance and submission game. This is just a game, but some women take offense to the word “hoe,” so ensure she’s okay with that term and any other term before playing.
In this game, the humble hoe (your partner) will wait for your call inside a hotel room. You will inform her that she should play with herself without cumming, until you call and tell her to cum or until you walk into the hotel room.
After cumming, it’s her responsibility to thank you in any way you see fit, her loving boyfriend or husband, who has so graciously allowed her the opportunity to cum.
A Gentleman Caller
Is that a gentleman caller?
Dress up in your finest clothing, and ask her to do the same. Take her out on a romantic date to an expensive restaurant. Pick a booth or table in the back. Spend the entire evening romancing her in the dim lighting in the back of the restaurant. For an additional surprise, scroll down to the section called Egg Under the Table — she’s going to love this one.
Or, stay home but set the scene. Create a romantic atmosphere by lighting candles, playing soft music, and ensuring everything looks nice.
Spend the evening romancing her. Remember that for women, romance is a type of foreplay. Pull out the chair for her, and pour her wine.
The Bar Girl
You and your partner will arrive separately at a bar in this game. You will approach her and pretend not to know who she is. Buy her drinks, flirt, lightly touch her thigh, and make her feel the way she did when you first met.
Up the ante by adopting fake names and backstories. For example, she can pretend to be the new girl in town, looking to start a career as a Hollywood actress. Ask her about her career aspirations and background, and eventually ask if you can ask for her phone number or give her a ride home.
When I Tell You
This is a dominance and submission role-playing foreplay game where you make her beg to cum or for you to touch her, but decline until she’s begged enough to satisfy you.
Boss her around the bedroom or house and tell her exactly what you want her to do. If she’s a good girl, she’ll get a reward. If she’s naughty, punish her with orgasm denial or a few spanks.
Amateur Magic Mike Night
This is a strip tease game where you pretend to be a male stripper from the movie Magic Mike. Play music and dance to the beat while slowly taking off your clothes.
Or, have her play the role of a stripper, like Salma Hayek’s belly dancer in From Dusk Till Dawn.
Egg Under the Table
Take her out for an evening on the town, but purchase a remote-controlled vibrating egg before you go.
Insert inside her vagina before you leave the house. Keep the remote in your pocket.
When you’re out, turn on the vibrator whenever you feel like it.
This is a fun game because you will have all the power over her orgasm, and she’ll have to try her hardest not to make a scene in the restaurant as she squirms and fights the urge to moan loudly.
The Invited Stalker
In this game, you will pretend to stalk your wife or girlfriend. She will know you are playing the game, so don’t worry about her thinking she has a real stalker.
You will leave messages both inside the house and outside for her to discover at different points. If you’re really committed, leave messages at her desk in her office building.
The messages should be about different sexual acts, her beauty, or anything else she would find arousing to read about.
Another way to play this game is to make it more physical by watching your wife or girlfriend through a window or space in the fence.
Suppose you live in an apartment complex or crowded neighborhood. In that case, you might risk the neighbors thinking you are a peeping tom, or maybe they will be so used to your antics that they sigh and say, “The Joneses are being weird again,” before returning to minding their own business.
Either way, it could be fun.
Ask your partner to do something sexy in front of the window or in the fenced backyard with the knowledge that you are somewhere watching.
Stop and Stare
Your partner must stare at sex toys on the bed while told to stay put and not touch them. The sight of the sex toys is meant to arouse her by making her think about all the amazing things those toys can do once she can touch them.
Willy Wonka Wishes He Would
In this game, you pour chocolate over your partner’s body and then lick it up. If chocolate isn’t your thing, exchange it for strawberry, caramel, or vanilla syrup.
By the end, you should be able to confidently say that if Willy Wonka were a real person, Willy Wonka would wish he could taste your delicious partner’s body
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