How to Orgasm on Command During Solo Play or With a Partner

How to Orgasm on Command During Solo Play or With a Partner

Orgasming on command is a good technique to learn if you want to become more familiar with your body or if you are looking for a challenge. You can achieve orgasm alone, purely for fun. Or with a partner to strengthen the relationship and share in the experience. It is also a popular technique in the BDSM community, but you don’t have to be a kink member to learn a few pointers and partake in the activity.  

Although not an easy process, orgasming on command is possible for some women. Do you have what it takes? We’ll show you what you need to know to orgasm on command for your own sexual pleasure or for your partner’s.

Table of Contents

Why Should I Learn How to Orgasm on Command?

Orgasming on command allows you to take control of your body and make yourself orgasm whenever you want, with or without physical stimulation. 

For many women, the act can be liberating! Having that much control over your sexuality and arousal levels is, in fact, a talent and skill that many wish they had.

But don’t just save your orgasming on command skills for yourself. Allow your partner to compel you to cum (or not cum) whenever they want to.

Orgasming on command is a popular sexual act between Submissives and their Top or Dominant, where the Dom or Top forces his Sub to refrain from orgasming until he gives her permission. The Dom or Top will then use verbal (counting down or a certain word), auditory (particular noise or sound), visual (images), or even touch (slight touch of one area or patterns of touch). 

When a woman allows her Dom or Top to make her orgasm whenever he wants, it reinforces their already established power dynamic. She cums when he’s ready for her to, and not a single second sooner. 

It can be pretty empowering for the Dom to have so much control over his Sub’s body.

Can You Really Reach Orgasm on Command?

Yes! Numerous women report being able to orgasm on command through practice, patience, and knowledge of their arousal patterns. You can orgasm on command with or without physical touch, but learning the process is time-consuming. It might be a big hurdle for some women who have difficulties cumming naturally with physical stimulation to learn how to do it. 

The process of learning how to orgasm on command is straightforward. As long as you have time, patience, and dedication to the practice, you may, eventually, be able to control your own orgasms and then allow your partner to do it for you.

For Women: How to Train Yourself to Orgasm on Command

Training yourself to orgasm on command, either solely for yourself or with support from a partner, starts by learning your body’s arousal patterns and then taking control of them.

Before someone else can control your orgasms, you have to be able to control them. 

Many women cannot, so this might be challenging to learn to cum on command. Some women lack enough sexual experience to know precisely what gets them going. Experiment with different visuals, different touches, and of course, different toys until you find what gets you super wet and ready to orgasm.

Once you discover your turn-ons, try forcing yourself not to cum. Stimulate yourself and bring yourself to the brink of orgasm, but do not go over the edge. It is essentially a form of edging, which we will discuss as a practice for learning how to cum on command. 

If you can stop yourself from orgasm but still maintain your arousal levels, try pushing yourself to cum on your own command. 

It’s a mental challenge! If you can get yourself to stop orgasm, you should be able to get yourself to orgasm. But don’t feel defeated if you can’t do it the first time or even after the first few attempts. Some women are more prone to orgasm than others, but that does not mean that with a lot of practice, you will never be able to control your orgasm. 

Once you can control your own orgasm, try training yourself not to cum to your own mental stimulation, thoughts, or cues but to that of your partner. 

Get Control of Your Mind

For most women, orgasm control is a mental process. Without physical stimulation, it’s up to your mind to bring you to peak arousal levels and then get yourself off when your partner commands it. 

This process can be quite intense and tricky for a lot of women. The key is to get aroused physically and then allow your mind to bring you over the edge.

Typically, your partner will count down from 20,15 or 10, and when he hits 0, it’s time to cum. Once you perfect the process, you can cum to your partner’s voice without physical stimulation first. 

Women have reported hearing their partner whisper a secret word into their ear at dinner or somewhere non-sexual and still being able to orgasm to their voice. 

It might take some time to get there, so start stimulating yourself for your partner, bringing yourself close to orgasm, and then allowing your partner to countdown from his particular number. While he counts down, touch yourself but do not cum until he hits zero. Practice this until you’re able to cum precisely when he demands.

Once you have perfected orgasming on command to physical stimulation, try removing it and seeing how you feel. Stimulate yourself to a certain point, become incredibly aroused, and stop. At the brink of orgasm, wait for him to allow you to cum by counting. As he gets closer to zero, you should feel the buildup and, eventually, an orgasmic explosion.

It’s a form of conditioning where you train your body to respond a particular way to some cue (usually a verbal command in most cases). 

Try Edging

Edging is a technique that you can do alone or with a partner. It’s a form of orgasm denial where you bring yourself as close to orgasm (the edge) as possible without going over (having an orgasm). 

Edging yourself or with your partner will teach your body how to maintain arousal levels, pressure and sexual tension without exploding uncontrollably.

Stimulate yourself or let your partner do it. Get to the point where you feel like you could orgasm at any moment, but don’t. Pull yourself back by focusing on not cumming. 

Edging will be easy if you have difficulty orgasm anyways, but it might be a bit of a challenge for women with premature orgasms or who have sensitive bodies. With enough edging practice, you will gain control over your body’s orgasm. 

Not to mention, it’s an excellent dominance exercise when your partner keeps you exactly where he wants, and you have to fight against your natural desire to cum to please your partner. 

Find the Right Person Who Makes You Cum

You probably will not be able to orgasm on command if you cannot orgasm naturally with your partner. His expectations for the relationship are unrealistic if he wants you to orgasm on command without first being able to bring you to the point of orgasm through any form of physical stimulation or sex. 

If your partner has difficulty making you cum, then having an orgasm on command might be off the table (at least for now). Focus on teaching him how to make you orgasm without it being forced. When you’ve done that, then master orgasming on command with him. 

Want to Cum for Your Man

If you don’t want your partner to have control over your orgasms, then he won’t. The mind is powerful, and if you’re thinking (subconsciously or consciously) that you don’t want to give him that much power over you, then he won’t have the power. 

Cumming on demand for your man is incredibly sexy. Numerous partners would kill to have that control, as most struggle to make their partner cum naturally. But you don’t have to do it if it’s not your thing.

This is true for normal partnerships and dom/sub ones. In dom/sub relationships, everything is based on consent. Don’t consent to give your dom control if it makes you uncomfortable, but don’t lie about it. Refrain from agreeing to the training and practice if, in the back of your mind, it’s already a hard no. 

Likewise, if you’re in a “normal” relationship but want to experiment with orgasm denial and stumbled upon this article, don’t give consent unless orgasm on command is something you want to do. 

Orgasming on command for yourself is hot in itself! You don’t need to do it for your partner if you don’t want to. 

Tell Him When You Will Cum

It’s essential that in the early stages of learning how to cum on the command, you say when you’re about to cum. Your partner must know what the buildup to an orgasm looks like for you and how long from the time you’re ready to cum you take to actually cum. 

If he doesn’t know when you will cum, it will make it much harder for your partner to control your orgasms.

Establish a Positive Relationship Dynamic

It would be best if you found a partner that is understanding and realistic about your ability to orgasm on command. For some women, it’s a walk in the park! They can orgasm on command without much practice and seem to be natural at it. For others (most women), it’s not that way. You might need a lot of practice before you can cum on command once, let alone do it repeatedly or in different circumstances. 

Your partner should be compassionate and comprehend that you’re doing your best without jumping to harsh criticism or punishment (if punishment is a part of your dom/sub dynamic)

For Men: How to Train Your Partner to Orgasm on Command

Once your partner has a reliable orgasm and arousal pattern, you can start to work with her to force her to orgasm whenever you want. The process can be time-consuming, and it might take an unforeseeable amount of time to force her orgasm. 

Start the Conditioning Process

What will be your cue? Will it be visual, auditory, verbal, or physical? A verbal cue is recommended, and you can start with countdowns to build up arousal and bring her to the brink of orgasm. By the end of her training, your partner should understand that when you start counting from (choose your number), she should get ready to cum. Finally, when you say zero, it’s her cue to start orgasm. 

Start the conditioning process with the knowledge that it takes time. Unless your partner is already incredibly submissive and under your sexual control, she might need a lot of guidance and time.

The conditioning process starts when you tell your partner to start stimulating herself. She should be able to make herself orgasm, but she won’t do it until you give her permission. With her method of choice (fingers, toys, sex), order her to get close to orgasm. Start counting when she says that she’s going to orgasm soon, or you can tell from her body movements and facial expression. 

Tell her not to cum until you tell her. Ideally, your voice should convey authority so that the order is taken seriously and she responds accordingly. After telling her to hold off, she will use her edging techniques to reframe from orgasm. 

Count down from 20,15 or 10. Hit zero, and she should start orgasming, or maybe for the first few times, you must say, “Cum for me!”If it doesn’t work, keep trying.

Switch it up next. Instead of allowing her to stimulate herself, you do it. She will have no control over the intensity or pace, and thus, it will be much harder for her to control her orgasm. When she’s doing it herself, she can add more stimulation, slow down, switch positions to make it less arousing. When you’re doing it, it’s all mental. 

She should respect your authority over her, as her dom or top, enough to not cum until you have given her the permission required. When you tease her enough and see she’s about to go overboard, start counting down.

There’s a more challenging version you might be up for trying, and it’s forcing your partner to cum without warning (counting down gives her a few seconds of preparation). Select a codeword that she will learn to orgasm to when she hears it.

It must be the same word every time. Conditioning works with repeated exposure to a particular stimulus (your certain word). The process won’t work if you exchange verbal command words like Pokemon cards, so be consistent.

If you can master the one-word cum signals, it opens a whole new world of possibilities. You can make her cum in public with minimal stimulation or none at all, just by the sound of your voice.


You can cum to your partner’s voice with enough practice and patience. Or, vice-versa, your partner will cum to your voice. 

Be mindful that orgasm control is not an easy task. The training affects their bodies significantly, and if the relationship were to end or end badly, the training might have lasting effects on them.

If you aren’t willing to give someone that control, then making yourself orgasm on command strictly for yourself can be extremely fun and a great way to become more familiar with your body and what turns it on. 

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