Hey, you (Yes, you!) anal sex does not have to be painful or uncomfortable.
Say goodbye to all the myths surrounding anal play, anal sex, and anal training. Get ready to experience better orgasms, more sensations, and more pleasure from having deeper anal sex.
In this article, we will teach you how to anal train both with a partner and by yourself so that nothing stops you from having the best anal sex of your life.
Table of Contents
What is Anal Training?
Anal training is teaching your anus how to have anal sex.
Unlike the vagina, the anus is not meant for objects to enter. That doesn’t mean that anal sex is not pleasurable. In fact, anal sex can be just as pleasurable as vaginal and oral sex; in some cases, it’s better than both!
Anal training teaches your anus, more specifically, your anal sphincter muscles, to relax when an object (tongue, toy, finger, or penis) gets near it.
The sphincter, there are two, is a ring of muscles that open and relax during a bowel movement. In other words, it naturally opens to let objects out but must be taught how to relax to let objects in.
When you practice anal training, you allow your internal and external anal sphincter to relax to allow objects to go deeper and make anal sex more pleasurable naturally.
Anal training is better when you understand where objects go into the body and where they are not. There is a lot of misinformation and misuse of words to describe the body.
For example, the anus and rectum are not the same body area, but many people use the words interchangeably.
The part of the body that we are discussing is the large intestine. The large intestine is the final destination for waste products before being expelled from the body during a bowel movement. Nutrients aren’t absorbed here. That’s the small intestine. The large intestine mainly packs the waste tightly and removes excess water.
At the end of the large intestine is the rectum. The most terminal part of the rectum is the anal canal, and finally, at the bottom of the anal canal is the anus.
For anal training, you need to know that the anus and anal canal are very sensitive to touch. If you ever had a partner try to slip a finger in without your knowledge, then you know how quickly it slams shut as soon as you feel their finger.
The rectum is less touch-sensitive and more pressure-sensitive.
When anal training, you will need to overcome the external and internal sphincter — the two rings of muscle that allow bowel movements to occur.
The external sphincter is lower in the anal canal and allows the anus to expand during a bowel movement. During anal sex or anal play, you must relax the external sphincter, or the anus will not open up.
Luckily, the external sphincter is mentally controlled. A person can shut the sphincter when a finger unexpectedly tries to enter. Or a person can relax and open it up, such as during consensual anal sex or anal play.
The internal sphincter is much higher up in the rectum, and it is more difficult to relax than the external sphincter, and if you try to rush anal play or sex, you can easily damage it. The internal sphincter is not under mental control, so it takes far more time to relax.
What about the prostate gland (the P Spot)? The prostate gland does not exist if you are a woman, and it is not actually inside the rectum. It’s just below the bladder and in front of the rectum.
In short, if you want to have pleasurable anal sex or anal play, your four goals are:
What are the Benefits of Anal Training?
Anal training has a lot of benefits. The most obvious is that it allows you to do deeper anal. Many people struggle to get objects deep enough into their anus to have pleasurable experiences with anal sex. Anal training makes it possible to get objects deep enough to reach the prostate gland (if you are a man) or deep enough to stimulate the A Spot (if you are a woman).
Men do not have an A Spot, but women do. It is one of the pleasure centers in the female body, and it’s inside the vagina! So why can you stimulate it with anal sex? The wall between the anal canal and the vaginal canal is relatively thin. During anal sex, you can create enough pressure to stimulate the A Spot, located deep in the vagina, near the cervix, and downward through anal sex.
Women do not have a prostate gland. If you are a man, stimulating your prostate gland is just as pleasurable as vaginal and oral, or something even more pleasurable than the two.
Secondly, anal hurts a lot less after anal training. Anal sex should never hurt, but sometimes it does. Pain happens when someone tries to force something into the anal canal and pass the sphincter muscles without proper relaxation techniques, lubricants, or mindset. After anal training, you can have deeper anal sex without pain.
Lastly, anal training reduces the risk of injury. Anal sex should never be painful or cause injury, but without the proper techniques, suitable sex toys, lubricants, and mindset, you may end up tearing the anal canal, resulting in bleeding and pain.
Also, you may become injured if you use the wrong sex toys, and they get stuck inside and cause damage or tearing while attempting to have them removed. At any rate, you may end up in the hospital, and no one wants to end their evening in the ER. You also don’t want so much pain that sitting for the next few days is like putting your ass in the fire.
Is Anal Safe?
Yes, if you properly prepare for it.
Without deep anal training, you can end up with bleed or anal tears. Tears in the anus are dangerous because the area is covered with potentially harmful bacteria. It’s usually fine, but when a cut in the skin occurs, the bacteria can easily invade and cause a bacterial infection. Once this happens, you will need to speak to a medical professional and start a course of antibiotics, which comes with its own risk.
If you are having anal sex with a partner and not just engaging in anal play alone, you also increase the risks of STDs such as HIV, Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis, or Herpes. Tears increase the risk of STDs no matter how small because the cuts allow bacteria and viruses to enter the bloodstream.
In some extreme cases, fistulas may occur. A fistula is an abnormal connection between different areas of the body. For example, the vaginal canal may connect to the anal canal when a fistula forms, causing pain and infection.
In other rare cases, a rectal prolapse may occur. A rectal prolapse happens when parts of the intestine move down into the anus, where it does not belong.
Anal sex does not have to be dangerous or lead to complications as long as you practice it safely with the techniques we will teach you in this article.
Will I Like Anal Training?
You want to enjoy anal sex or anal play. Wanting to go deeper can lead to better orgasms because you do not have to worry about shallow anal penetration or controlling the depth of each thrust. Therefore, the penetrating partner can allow themselves to enjoy the experience more.
More importantly, the receiving partner can have their prostate gland (if it’s a man) or A Spot (if it’s a woman) stimulated with deeper anal sex or anal play. It’s a win-win scenario!
If you are not interested in anal sex or anal play, but a partner is pressuring you to try it, you may not enjoy deeper anal or even shallow anal sex or fingering.
For a receiving partner, deep anal may even be impossible because you cannot relax enough to open the anus and allow your partner’s finger, toy, or penis inside.
Great anal sex starts with consent! If both parties are not down to try, anal sex will be unnecessarily complicated, painful, and even dangerous.
What Sex Toys Do I Need?
You do not need to buy sex toys for anal sex or anal play. If you know nothing about anal sex but just stumbled upon this article and are now curious, try your or your partner’s fingers first. If that feels nice, go shopping, and add these sex toys to your cart.
There are many reasons why you may want to purchase sex toys and not just your fingers. Fingers can only go so deep, especially if you are fingering yourself, and you may find it challenging to get your fingers past a certain point.
Fingers are also not that thick. If you want to practice with a thicker object, you need sex toys. Furthermore, the curved shape of anal sex toys makes them more pleasurable to use during anal training, and you don’t have to worry about untrimmed or dirty fingernails.
Anal beads are small, thin, flexible objects inserted into the rectum. Anal beads are usually silicone, making them easy to use and safe.
You may want to use anal beads to get started with deep anal training. You can find beads of different sizes to allow you to practice working with larger objects in the anal canal.
Butt plugs are like anal beads, except instead of multiple objects of varying sizes in a row, it is one single width and thickness.
Butt plugs come in numerous materials for you to experiment with. If you are new to anal training, it is best to avoid metal and go for softer silicone or plastic ones instead while you are still in the beginning stages of your anal training.
If you like the idea of a butt plug and want versatility, purchase an anal training kit. An anal training kit offers a collection of plugs from small to large, allowing you to practice with different sizes.
Inflatable butt plugs start small, but can be inflated to a larger size once inside the anal canal.
If you like the idea of a plug and anal training kits, but want more versatility to adjust the toy’s size at a moment’s notice, then you may be better off with an inflatable one.
Vibrating plugs are not only used for anal training, but for pleasure. These toys come with vibrations that can stimulate the prostate gland or A Spot, helping the user orgasm.
You do not need a vibrating butt plug if your only goal is to get better at anal sex and allow your partner to penetrate you more deeply. However, a vibrating plug may be a great option if you want to engage in solo anal play or try the vibrations out during vaginal sex for double stimulation.
Notice that all of our sex toy suggestions have easy-to-remove handles or flared base. One of the reasons you do not want to anal train with a random object is that it may become stuck inside the anal canal if it does not have a handle or string to pull out.
Remember to use ample lube on all your sex toys before inserting them.
How to Do Deeper Anal With Anal Training: Solo Edition
Anal training is one of the few sexual activities you do not need a partner to enjoy.
Although having someone at your side can make the experience more pleasurable, you can absolutely teach yourself how to do deeper anal on your own without the assistance of anyone else.
Plus, there are a few benefits to solo anal training that we will discuss below.
If you are doing anal play without a partner, you do not have to worry about moving at someone else’s pace. But you do have to worry about your mindset.
There are a lot of fears about anal. Is it dirty? Will it hurt? Am I supposed to be doing this? If you have looming fears about anal, it may not be the best time to start practicing it.
You want to be mentally prepared for anal play, whether using your fingers or a toy. If you are not, you will not relax, and the object will not be able to enter your anal canal.
When that happens, you may become frustrated and give up, erroneously believing that anal just isn’t for you. When, in fact, that isn’t the case. You just were not ready on that particular day and time.
Therefore, ensure you want to do anal training before trying it. Get rid of all those fears, too!
Move at your own pace and whenever you feel pain, stop. If you do that, you will not experience any adverse side effects from anal training.
Anal training can be dirty if,
Otherwise, anal training is not dirty, and you will not get feces on your sheets. Still, make hygiene a priority.
Before starting anal training, listen to your body. Do you feel like you may need to use the bathroom soon? If yes, wait until after to try anal training. Are you experiencing diarrhea or loose and watery stool? If yes, don’t try anal training until you solve that problem.
Still, accidents can sometimes occur. Avoid accidental slip-ups by washing your anus before anal play. Take warm soap and water and rub the area clean, especially if you had a bowel movement earlier in the day. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need an enema or anal douche to clean you out before anal.
If you have long fingernails, clip them before fingering your anal canal. You do not know what might be hiding under there and do not want to introduce more bacteria into the anal canal.
More importantly, long and jagged fingernails can accidentally cause tears in the rectum, allowing bacteria to enter the bloodstream and potentially cause an infection.
It’s better to be safe than sorry, so take a pair of nail clippers, clip your fingernails to a reasonable length, and wash your hands afterward to get whatever dirt or products from the day from under your nails.
Put a towel down on the bed to save yourself from frantically doing the laundry in the evening when you should be relaxing on your bed.
Sometimes we think we’re good, and we actually aren’t good! Perhaps you thought you got everything out in your early morning bowel movement when, in fact, you did not.
A towel makes clean-up easy and hassle-free, especially if your bedding is white or a light color.
Always use lubricant during anal training, anal depth play, or anal sex.
The anal canal does not naturally self lubricate like the vagina; without lube, you increase the risk of tearing (we already discussed why you don’t want that!), bleeding, pain, and discomfort.
Which kind should you buy? There are too many choices. What’s the difference between water, oil, and silicone? Aren’t they all the same?
No, they are not, which is why we will explain the difference.
Water-Based, Oil, or Silicone?
Lube is lube, right? Does it matter if it’s water-based, oil, or silicone? It matters a lot, actually.
Water-based lubricant is composed mainly of water, as the name implies. It’s thin, watery, and easy to apply. It’s also condom safe, which may or may not matter to you, depending on if you are preparing to have anal sex with a partner. Meaning a water-based lubricant has not been shown to degrade condoms. However, it needs to be reapplied frequently during anal training because it’s water.
You may want to purchase water-based lube, if
You may prefer other types of lube, if
Oil-based lube is composed chiefly of oil, making it slippery and long-lasting. It is not condom safe. Oil lubricants have been shown to degrade condoms, so if you plan on using your oil-based lube for anal sex once you complete your anal training, it might be better to skip it.
Overall, you may want to purchase oil-based lube, if
You may have to skip oil-based lube, if
Silicone lube is the in-between of water-based and oil-based. It has many of the pros of both, but without some cons. It is condom safe. Furthermore, it’s longer lasting than the water-based lubricant but does not stain the way oil-based lube does.
There are a few drawbacks. For one, it does seem to cause some irritation during vaginal sex. Some women reported irritation after sex with silicone-based lube, and it does seem to degrade silicone sex toys after prolonged use.
You may want to purchase silicone-based lube, if
You may have to skip silicone-based lube, if
Should I Use Numbing Agents?
Some numbing agents reduce the likelihood of experiencing pain or discomfort during anal training, and you may be tempted to buy some.
However, before you click checkout on your online shopping cart, consider the benefits of pain.
Wait! We aren’t about to go on some masochist rant. Pain has a significant benefit to human survival — it tells you when something is wrong.
Imagine if you did not feel pain when you touched a hot stove. You may very well sit there with your hand on it, unaware that your skin is on fire until nothing is left of your hand. Now, imagine the same scenario, but now there’s pain. You lift your hand off immediately once it starts to burn.
Pain prevents further damage to the body by alerting the person that there is some problem. When anal training, you need to be fully aware of when there are issues. The rectum is a sensitive place; if you push it too far too soon, you could tear, bleed, or become injured.
Avoid numbing agents when you are anal training. If you feel pain, pull back. Go slower. Or stop altogether if the pain becomes too much.
It’s up to you whether you will use fingers or sex toys.
Fingers may be better if anal depth play is new. If you have never tried it, start with your fingers because they are small and thin so that you won’t push yourself too far out of your comfort zone. Plus, because they are attached to your hand, if you feel pain, you can easily remove them and do not have to worry about trying to pull out a toy.
Sex toys are also a good beginner choice because they come in various sizes and are in anal-safe materials. You can also easily clean and store them for use again and again.
If you decide to go with anal toys, purchase the smallest one you can find first and work your way up to something bigger over time.
We already discussed the top sex toys you need if you are interested in anal training and anal play once you have mastered the art of relaxing and enjoying the experience.
The best sex toy for you depends on several factors.
What do you want from your anal training? Do you want to have safe, pleasurable anal sex, or merely want to have more fun with yourself without requiring a partner? If you want to accommodate the entire length of a thrusting penis, you will need a sex toy that prepares you for that.
Do you want to be able to accommodate thick objects, or are you only interested in going deep with a finger or slim sex toy?
How experienced are you with anal depth play? If you’re a pro, you can probably do well with a thicker toy or one with vibrations for added pleasure. If you’re inexperienced, find the smallest toy available and work up from there.
There is also no shame in avoiding sex toys at first. Although they have benefits, you don’t need them to do deeper anal. You can do fine with your fingers for some time, and then when you’re ready, purchase your first toy as a sort of anal graduation present.
Just make sure you are mentally and physically ready for the sex toy you decide to start your anal training with.
We recommend an anal training kit because it has several size options and will allow you to work your way up from the smallest to the largest toy without purchasing more toys.
We mentioned using toys if you do not want to use fingers, so what about household items like a broomstick, etc.? Um, NO!
Refrain from using random curved household items that you find. Although it might be tempting to save a few bucks, this is one of those times when DIY projects are probably not in your best interests. Household items are made of potentially unsafe materials, may break off into the anal canal, or may cause damage or injury.
Anal-safe sex toys are accessible and not expensive because they come in a wide array of materials, from ultra-fancy metal ones with jewels to basic plastic ones.
The best position is the one where you feel most relaxed and comfortable. We have a few on this list, from standing, kneeling, and laying down positions that should be able to suit all readers.
Remember to apply lubricant to your fingers or sex toy before insertion.
Try any of these positions next time you do solo anal training.
Try relaxing on your side and using one hand to wrap around the back. You may want to move your legs apart, as shown to open your anus a little more.
In the missionary position, spread your legs open as wide as possible.
Reach over your stomach with your pre-lubed-up sex toy, and insert it slowly and carefully into your anal canal.
You are prone (face down) on the bed in this position.
Take your sex toy pre-lubed, reach up and behind, and insert it into your anal canal. You may want to spread your legs a little to open your anus up more.
The CEO is similar to a standing doggy, where you bend your knees slightly and face downward.
Keep your legs as far apart as possible.
While standing, use one arm to reach backward and insert the sex toy into your anus slowly and gently. You might find it helpful to lean against a wall with one arm for added support.
You will need a sex toy for this position, specifically a suction cup dildo. This is a more advanced move as depending on where you are in your anal training, you may not be ready for any penis-like objects such as a huge dildo.
If ready, use the suction cup base at the bottom of the dildo to secure it to the floor. Apply lube before squatting. Squat over the sex toy.
Get up and onto your knees. Reach around to the back with your pre-lubed-up sex toy or fingers and slowly insert.
The key to anal training, besides being in the right mindset, is relaxing.
You will not achieve much if you are not in a very relaxed state or if you panic mid-way through the anal stretching.
Breathing exercises are helpful. When you insert your finger or toy, start slowly inhaling and exhaling as you push the toy or finger deeper inside.
Take a deep breath and insert the toy. Pause insertion and exhale. Allow the toy to rest in its place for a few seconds, and then breathe in, insert a little further, pause, and exhale. Repeat until you reach your desired depth.
Another way to relax is by reminding yourself that you are in control of the finger or toy. You can remove it whenever you want, and no one is forcing you.
With solo play, you have no pressure from external forces such as an impatient partner. Remind yourself that this is the case.
Play calming music if that is how you usually relax after a stressful event. The soft and easy music might help put you in the right frame of mind for anal.
If you feel yourself starting to panic, pause. Go no further until you are relaxed again. While paused, take some deep and calming breaths, say to yourself, “I can stop when I want,” and then start again very slowly.
Be easy on yourself if you don’t get it on the first try.
Anal depth training for maximum penetration takes practice.
You can not insert a finger or toy hurriedly and expect the best results. You may not end up injured or bleeding, but something the trauma of a rushed and forced object can create lasting memories that will make anal sex too difficult in the future. Furthermore, you may find your mind remembering the feeling and automatically clinching up.
Always start slow. Allow the finger or toy to be pulled deeper into the anal canal. If you meet resistance, then you are not ready yet. Pause. Take a few deep breaths. Take it again.
It is good practice to insert the toy or finger a little past the anus (opening) and allow it to rest in its place for a few seconds. Wait 3-5 seconds, and then push it a little deeper. Pause. Wait a few more seconds. Push a little deeper. Continue going deeper and pausing until you reach your desired depth.
The external sphincter is typically easy to overcome. You can control it mentally, and if you are in the right frame of mind, you will make it pass without any issues.
The internal sphincter, however, is a different story. You can not control it mentally, and it takes a lot of patience, practice, and time to relax automatically.
Anal training takes time, and you may find that your internal sphincter is very difficult to overcome. Don’t give up or become frustrated. It won’t help the situation. Keep the mindset, “I can do this, and I am in control.” Relax, take some more deep breaths, and try again.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you won’t train your internal sphincter in one. If you don’t get it on the first try, do what you can and try again without any defeatist energy the next time.
You do not need a large dildo or plug for successful anal training. You can work up to larger toys if that’s your goal. However, you don’t need it.
Starting small is better because it does not stretch your anal canal out much, so you can more easily overcome your two sphincters. It makes many people more comfortable because the size does not discourage them before they even try to put it inside. Finally, it makes lubricating and keeping it lubricated easier.
Add more lube if needed after a few minutes of anal training.
A metal plug with a crystal jewel might look nicer, but if it’s your first time anal training, it’s probably not what you need.
A nice, super soft sex toy is better because you can more easily slide it into your anal canal without meeting as much resistance. Look for silicone sex toys over metal ones, if it’s your first time.
Although fecal matter might not be present inside the rectum, bacteria always are. The bacteria do not disappear once you have a bowel movement. It calls your rectum home, and if you used your fingers for anal training, it might now be calling your nail bed home too.
After anal training, wash your hands with warm water and soap.
Never go from anal training to vaginal sex. You do not want to infect anyone by introducing harmful bacteria to the delicate environment inside the vagina. After anal training, wash before getting handsy with anyone’s vagina.
The same idea as handwashing applies to sex toys — bacteria live inside the anal canal, and you do not want bacteria calling your sex toy home.
Thoroughly wash your anal training toys with warm water and soap after each use. Then, dry and store away.
Now that you learned how to anal stretching alone, you might also want to consider doing it with a partner. Continue reading.
How to Do Deeper Anal With Anal Training: Partner Edition
We don’t shame at SQL. Maybe you want your female partner to anal-train you so that you can enjoy the magic of a prostate massage for the first time. It’s called pegging, when a female partner gives her male partner pleasure with a dildo.
Maybe you want to help your female partner get to a point where she asks you for backdoor sex.
Or maybe you just want to stick your fingers or sex toys up your partner’s butt and want to know how to do it safely and, more notably, for sexual pleasure.
Regardless of your intentions, we got you covered. Many of these tips can be used interchangeably with the anal training solo edition section, too, if you or your partner is interested in continuing their studies without someone at their side.
With a partner, things are a little more tricky mentally. Using your fingers or sex toys allows you to fully control the experience without worrying about an impatient partner rushing or forcing something deeper than what feels right at the moment. With a partner, there’s an element of unpredictability.
Ensure that your partner knows that you are there for her and not there for yourself. Meaning you have her sexual pleasure, safety, and comfort in mind at all times, not your own. It may help her feel better knowing that you are aware that your movements could cause her discomfort or pain.
If you are receiving anal training, chat with your partner about your concerns. Tell them how you feel about the experience and any concerns you might have.
Whoever is receiving the anal training should be relaxed, welcoming to the experience, and actually want to anal train. Anal training on that particular day might be too much after a stressful day at work, so check in and ensure everything is okay before starting.
Talk about any concerns you might have with your partner, regardless of who is receiving anal stimulation. Ensure everyone is on the same page about what will happen that evening and what the desired outcome is.
Maybe you want to insert the sex toy fully into her rectum, and she only wants to get it halfway and try the rest on a different day. You cannot have different goals from your partner regarding anal training.
Have a safe word.
Safe words are great for all sorts of sexual activities and are unambiguous terms that communicate when sexual activities have gone too far. They can be verbal and non-verbal.
A non-verbal safe word you may use is a shoulder or thigh tap (depending on positioning). One tap means to slow down, and two taps mean to stop.
Your verbal safe words could be ‘yellow’ and ‘red’. Yellow means slow down and discuss the problem. Red means full stop and discuss the issue.
Ensure that everyone wants to try anal depth training, has the same goal, and has a way to communicate discomfort.
The same technique for washing for solo play applies to partnered anal training. Wash the area with warm water and soap. You do not need to douche or use an enema before anal training.
However, washing up with a partner can get a lot more interesting. Instead of asking your partner to shower alone, get in there with her. In the hot, steamy water, massage her body with the soap and rub her ass until it’s enough to eat off of.
You want to avoid tearing or cutting your partner accidentally. If your fingernails are unkempt, you must cut them before fingering them.
Accidental tears can introduce unwanted bacteria into the bloodstream and cause an infection. Reduce the likelihood of cutting your partner with your caveman’s nails by trimming them to a reasonable length before anal depth training. Also, wash them with soap and water to remove dirt or products.
A towel may be a lifesaver. The unsung hero of the evening can make cleaning up easy and hassle-free, especially if your bedding is white or a light color.
As you may be anal training your partner, you have no clue when their last bowel movement was and if they feel like they may have another one sometime soon. There’s an element of unpredictability because it’s not your own body.
Even if you know her bowel movement schedule because you live together, you still are not sure that an accident may not occur.
Do everyone a favor. Put a towel down onto the bed and anal train on the towel. It will save your bedding and reduce embarrassment if something does slip out.
Many people would be horrified if they had a bowel movement in front of anyone, much less their lover. Put the towel off the bed and dispose of it without her seeing it or knowing something happened. She might not want to try anal ever again if she feels embarrassed.
The best thing about depth training with a partner is that you can do many other things beforehand to make the experience more pleasurable.
You can even have vaginal or oral sex before anal depth training if you want to give her an orgasm before doing anal.
If you want to dedicate the entire evening to anal, try doing these two techniques before anal training to help her relax and make her super aroused.
A booty massage can warm her up and make her ready for anal depth training.
Take your favorite oil, such as coconut (cooling) or sesame (warming), and pour it onto her backside first. Start by giving her a back massage and then moving towards her butt.
Glide your hands over each cheek, giving each side equal attention.
Don’t be afraid to add pressure, too. Grab and squeeze each cheek a few times while massaging. And if she’s into it, give each side a spank or two.
A rim job has many names, and you might also know this technique as tossing a salad.
When you give someone a rim job, you eat their ass. As mentioned, the anus and cavity are very touch-sensitive. So when you happily rub your tongue over the anus, it can send many pleasure signals to the brain.
When associating pleasure with anal, she’s more likely to be relaxed when you put your finger inside or a sex toy.
Whether you want to train with a finger, sex toy, or penis is entirely up to each couple.
There are a few benefits to training with fingers and sex toys instead of a penis. For one, the sex toys and fingers are smaller and easier to control. Your partner may feel more relaxed knowing it’s just a little toy going into her instead of a penis attached to a full-grown man.
Fingers and sex toys are also better for beginners with zero or minimal experience with anal play. If she has zero experience, start with a finger, as it’s way less intimidating than a sex toy and penis. If she has some experience with anal depth play, she might be able to tolerate a small or medium-sized plug.
If the receiving partner is down to go all in, try to anal depth train with a penis. Be sure to start very slowly. Look out for signs of discomfort or pain, and listen for their safe words. If you are slow, patient, and gentle, you may be able to anal depth train with a penis without any problems.
As a couple, you have more positions that you can try with anal training. Really, the only positions you can’t try are the ones where you can not easily reach their anus.
Here are the four different positions for anal training with fingers, anal sex toys, or a penis.
It should be obvious why doggy is an excellent anal training position. With your partner’s ass in the air, you can easily apply lube and insert your finger, sex toy, or penis.
In doggy position, be mindful of the lube. Avoid letting too much of it get into the vaginal, especially if it is silicone or oil-based. Because the vagina is below the anus now, it is very easy for all the extra fluids to run south.
Ask your partner to get on her back and spread her legs wide.
Slowly insert your finger, toy, or object inside using the techniques in this article.
The primary purpose of anal depth training is, well, anal depth training. Therefore, don’t get lost in the oral aspect of this position. Focus on training your partner’s anus while they go down on you.
In this position, only fingers and sex toys are an option for anal depth training. Help your partner achieve deeper anal while enjoying a nice blowjob.
As you will be side by side with your partner, you will need to reach down to enter their anus with your fingers or sex toy. Encourage them to lift their legs up and over so that as much of their anus is exposed.
Take your time and slowly insert your finger, sex toy, or penis inside using all the techniques you learned in this article.
We have already discussed the pros and cons of each type of lubricant available on the market. There are three: water-based, silicone, and oil-based.
Each lubricant exists for a particular reason and is worthy of consideration. Therefore, we direct you to the top section to read everything you need to know about lubricants.
To quickly summarize for the impatient reader,
Do not anal train with household items. Only use sex toys, fingers, or a penis to avoid a potentially unplanned hospital visit.
When anal training with a partner, you can use either finger, sex toy, or a penis.
Sex toys are great for anal training beginners, and we would recommend them over starting with a penis, as most people work up to anal sex after experimenting with fingers and sex toys first.
The best sex toy for your partner, or yourself, depends on several factors. Select the smallest sex toy available if the receiving partner has zero experience with anal training. Always start small and gradually work up to larger toys.
An anal training kit is an excellent option because it allows the toy to grow with her as she becomes more comfortable with anal play.
If the receiving partner wants more bells and whistles because they have some experience with anal, try a vibrating butt plug instead. The vibrations pair well with anal training and may come in handy during vaginal sex.
Always start slowly during anal training, especially if you are anal training with your penis. Jumping straight into anal sex without practice with fingers and sex toys is already an intimating experience for some people. You do not want to make things worse by going super fast. Plus, you could hurt your partner, physically and mentally, if you do that.
Take your time with your fingers, sex toys, or penis.
Tell your partner that you will go as slow as needed, and try doing other calming techniques while slowly inserting the object. You can caress her body, stroke her clitoris, or play with her hair to keep her calm and relaxed the whole way through.
Encourage her to breathe deeply while you insert the object deeper inside. Encourage her to exhale when you pause and allow the object to rest in its place for a few seconds before continuing deeper into the rectum.
If you meet resistance, go even slower. It takes a lot of time for the internal sphincter muscle to relax, and you might need to move at a snail’s pace to get it to relax enough for deeper anal.
It is better to start before trying bigger toys.
Use your fingers or a sex toy first because the size is less intimidating and allows her to get used to feeling something inside her anal canal before attempting anal sex. It may also help your partner feel comfortable.
Apply lube to your finger and her anus. Rub her anus in a circular motion without trying to put your finger inside yet. This feeling is highly pleasurable because there are many nerve endings around the area, making it touch-sensitive.
When she’s ready, insert the finger slowly into her anus. Do not try to push all of it in one go, and allow just the tip to go in and pause. Continue moving your finger around in a circular motion and allow her to pull you inside without trying to go deeper on your own.
Keep doing that until you get most or all of your fingers inside, and if desired, add one or two more fingers.
Take a break, if needed. You do not have to have continuous anal sex to orgasm or enjoy the experience.
A soft and flexible silicone anal toy may be better for your partner if they are new to anal training. The metal ones might look nicer but do not do much in preparing the body if she’s a little apprehensive about butt play.
Try to make her first anal training sex toy a small, silicone one and use it in combination with your fingers until she is ready to try something bigger or anal sex.
The anal canal is loaded with bacteria that may have gotten onto your fingers or sex toys after anal training. When you’ve finished anal for the evening, wash your hands or sex toys with warm soap and water. Keep your anal sex toy in a clean and dry area for later use.
If something landed on the towel, you put down, and dispose of it discreetly to prepare the bed for other sexual activities or some cuddling and kissing.
Bring your partner a different towel to wipe up excess lube or bodily fluids.
Bring them some water or anything else they might need.
Try to talk about the experience to see how it was and what can be done better or differently next time.
Most people must work their way up from fingers and sex toys to backdoor sex. If your partner is not ready yet, avoid anal sex until they feel mentally relaxed and physically prepared for it.
Be patient with the anal depth training with your fingers and sex toys. It could take a lot of time before they want anal sex.
When they finally give you the green light, enter slowly and gently without any fast thrusting until they’ve gotten used to your penis inside them. Once they’re okay, begin slowly thrusting, but be ready to stop if they change their mind and determine they weren’t ready after all.
Transitioning from anal training or anal sex to vaginal sex can be done, but exercise caution.
If you used your penis for anal training and did not use a condom, have a quick wash before penetrating your partner vaginally. Otherwise, you could give her an unwanted vaginal infection from the bacteria inside her anus. Likewise, if you used a dildo for anal training and want to use that same dildo for vaginal penetration, wash it as well.
You do not need to wash if you use condoms. Take off the condom you used for anal training or anal sex, and replace it with a new one to transition directly into vaginal sex.
Be mindful of the fluids and avoid transferring them from the anal to the vaginal canal. If you have lube everywhere, wiping some of it off might be a good idea before vaginal sex.
What to Do If You Stopped Anal Training
If you stopped anal training for a month or longer, you might have to start again with a smaller sex toy.
Anal training is not like driving a car; once you learn it, you’re pretty much set for life. If you do not practice anal for an extended period, you may forget some of the techniques you learned and mastered, or your body may no longer be used to deep anal.
If you stopped anal training, start small and work your way up again. This time, however, you should be able to move up at a faster pace and reach your previous levels in no time.
What Do I Do If It Hurts?
If anal training hurts, there is something wrong. You should be able to comfortably enjoy anal training. It does not and should not hurt.
If you feel pain, it could be because you did not use enough lube. Water-based lube wipes off quickly and easily and must be applied frequently. If you forgot to reapply, this could be why you felt pain. Likewise, silicone and oil-based are longer lasting but must be reapplied. If you forgot, then next time you anal train, make it a point to reapply every few minutes.
If you feel pain, it could be because you went too big too soon. Start anal depth training again with smaller anal toys. Apply a lot of lube to it and slowly insert it into the anal canal.
Another common reason why anal training hurts is that you go too fast. Anal training takes patience and time. You might not get your finger or sex toy in on the first night, and that’s okay. Keep trying, but be more patient with yourself. Breathe deeply and relax your mind.
Deeper anal does not have to hurt or cause discomfort. Once you’ve mastered deeper anal, get ready to enjoy better orgasms and more sensations. Those interested in learning more about sex, sex techniques, and the female body should follow us on YouTube and continue reading our weekly articles.