If you’re interested in anal sex but aren’t ready to go all in yet, try anal fingering. Anal fingering can make your partner moan and scream in pleasure, loud enough for the neighbors to hear if done correctly.
You don’t have to have abnormally long or thick fingers to pleasure your partner and bring them closer to orgasm. In this article, we’ll teach you everything you need to know about anal fingering to make any woman (or man) scream in pleasure.
Table of Contents
What Is Anal Fingering?
Anal fingering is the act of inserting one or multiple fingers into the rectum to stimulate the area near the opening of the anus. This can include rubbing the perineum, massaging the prostate gland, or stimulating the G-spot.
Sounds simple, right? So, how come it’s so pleasurable? Just like many things in life, sometimes it’s the little things that bring the most joy.
Why You Might Want to Try Anal Fingering
Both men and women will enjoy anal fingering. Of course, discuss anal fingering and play with your partner, as some people, regardless of gender, won’t be into it. Your partner might not be ready for any anal activity, no matter how much pleasure they could have from it.
Men interested in anal fingering will love it because it stimulates the Prostate gland. The Prostate is a small nut-like gland located just beyond the anal canal. With your fingers, sex toys, or penis, you can stimulate it. You won’t have to guess when you’ve found the Prostate. For many men, the feeling is so pleasurable that they can immediately tell you that you hit the jack spot.
On the other hand, women do not have a Prostate gland, but that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy anal fingering. The walls between the vagina and rectum are thin enough for your partner to feel sensations along her vaginal wall while you finger her. For many women, it’s a highly pleasurable experience; some can even have anal orgasms.
You might want to try anal fingering if you’re looking for something different in the bedroom and are open to anal play. Anal fingering does not have to lead to anal sex or other types of anal play unless you want it to. Keep an open mind, and give anal fingering at least one try to decide if you want to do it again — we suspect you will!
Can Men Also Enjoy Anal Fingering?
Both partners, regardless of gender, can enjoy this practice. And while some people think that anal fingering is reserved for women, men can experience anal orgasms. In fact, many men have reported feeling incredible pleasure during anal fingering.
There are a few mental barriers to anal play for men. For one, many believe it’s feminine or only for gay men, preventing a lot of guys from ever wanting to try it. Although anal is highly pleasurable, and some say it’s more pleasurable than oral or vaginal sex, mental roadblocks stop most from trying it.
As discussed, physiologically, everything is there to make for a highly pleasurable and even orgasm-inducing experience. However, psychologically, some men won’t allow themselves to enjoy anal fingering, anal play, or anal sex.
A man can love anal fingering just as much as his female partner, as long as mentally he’s open to the idea.
Does Anal Fingering Hurt?
Many people are hesitant to try the backdoor entrance because they’re terrified of the pain. We are happy to report that anal fingering should never hurt!
If you experience pain, then something is wrong. Your partner did not spend enough time on foreplay with you; they rushed to put their finger deeper or forgot to apply enough lube.
Anal fingering, play, and sex only hurt when you or your partner skipped the preparation stage. Therefore, if fear of pain is holding you back from experiencing all the pleasurable new sensations that anal offers, you can release a sigh of relief. We will show you everything you need to know to avoid pain and enjoy the experience.
Anal Fingering Preparation
Anal fingering is not tricky. It’s easier than giving someone the best oral sex they’ve ever had or even learning how to anal train.
Follow these four steps and give your partner the best time of their life. Most likely, they will want to have you anally finger them repeatedly.
Know Their Limits
Determine if your partner is open to anal play — any form of anal play!
Both men and women have mental roadblocks that prevent them from enjoying anal stimulation, no matter how pleasurable it can be.
We’ve discussed in detail that psychologically some men will never accept anal play of any form, even if it’s with a female partner, and it is pleasurable. Women, likewise, can have many of the same mental roadblocks. Some women believe it’s dirty, not “normal sex,” or that it will make them look promiscuous by asking for and enjoying anal fingering.
Before trying to finger your partner anally, ask if they want you to finger them and what that might look like. Would they be okay with one finger or multiple? Can you insert more than just the tip? Would they like you to try giving them a rim job during or after anal fingering? Before sticking your finger inside your partner, you should know the answer to these questions.
Washed and Ready
One of many people’s primary fears is that anal fingering, play, and sex are always dirty unless you douche or use an enema beforehand.
Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to douche or enema before anal play. You don’t even need to do one before anal sex.
Douches and enemas have their place, but washing and proper timing are usually enough to make anal fingering safe and clean.
A lot of people would prefer to take a quick shower before anal fingering, where they can ensure that everything back there is in order before someone tries to stick a finger inside. Luckily, you can have fun in the shower together, too, before moving to the bedroom.
The receiving partner should take a decent amount of soap and wash both cheeks. Get a little soap inside your anus and rub it as the water flows down your back to remove anything that may be hiding. After they finish, dry with a towel.
Aside from proper hygiene, ensure that the receiving partner is not close to having a bowel movement. Hopefully, you and your partner should have regular bowel movements. If they are expecting one anytime soon, it’s probably better to try anal fingering sometime later. Likewise, suppose the receiving partner has had an upset stomach lately. In that case, it’s probably best to put anything anal on the back burner until their symptoms cease because the movement of your finger could hasten the arrival of their bowel movement. Or they may have underestimated how soon they would need the toilet, and your finger might be greeted at the entrance of their anus by something other than lube.
As long as they clean up before anal fingering and listen to their body, anal fingering is not dirty.
Start With Foreplay
What type of foreplay can you do with your partner to prepare them for anal fingering, you might ask. The answer is simple — give them a booty massage. It sounds silly and strange, but it works.
A booty massage is designed to relax her entire body, making anal fingering and other sexual activities pleasure-inducing and pain-free.
Ask your partner to relax on the bed, lying flat on her stomach. Apply oil or lotion to your hands, massage your partner’s lower back, and then move down to her butt. Rub each cheek up and down slowly. Squeeze each cheek lightly, and then trace your fingers up and around their cheeks. Spend a lot of time doing the massage before getting your fingers near their anus.
Add a few cheeky spanks or slaps if they’re into that.
After playing with their lower back and cheeks, proceed towards their anus.
Lube It Up
Now that the receiving partner is clean and relaxed, you will want to get them wet again by applying ample lube to their cheeks and anus, and your fingers.
Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce natural lubricant. Without lube, the dry skin-to-skin contact could be painful, cause bleeding, or cause tiny tears that could become infected. Therefore, show your partner that you care about them by making your finger (s) soaking wet before coming anywhere near their anus.
Take your bottle of lube and pour a bit onto their inner cheek and anus. Then, pour a decent amount on your fingers. Keep the bottle nearby if you need to apply more or the area becomes dry, which can happen with water-based lubricants.
We recommend this water-based lubricant.
If you want to know more about water-based, silicone, and oil-based lubes, you can read our detailed explanation of all three lubricants and anal play here. We discuss the vital information you need to decide what type of lube to stock up on.
Take It Slow
Once the area is dripping wet, bring your finger toward the anus and allow it to make contact without going in. Spend a few moments slowly rubbing their anus in a circular motion, spreading the lube around and teasing the entrance.
When they’re ready, slowly put the tip of your finger inside. You may meet a little resistance. There are two sphincter muscles in the rectum. The external sphincter is under conscious control. Your partner can squeeze the muscle to close their anus or relax and open it. The internal sphincter is not under conscious control; it takes patience and practice learning to relax this sphincter enough to enjoy anal sex toys and anal sex — a topic we discuss in our anal training article. Encourage your partner to relax and loosen their external sphincter muscle. Your finger should be able to pass inside easily.
You might continue to meet resistance once more than the tip goes in. If that happens, pause and go slower. Encourage your partner to relax by taking a deep breath and exhaling a few times slowly. When you feel the muscle relax, insert more of your finger.
By this point, you should be able to feel them pull you in deeper. If you don’t feel that yet or are meeting resistance, be patient. Keep slowly working your way inside.
You might have to loosen your partner up using one of the techniques described below. Once the pleasure starts and they get used to the new sensation, they will relax a little more and allow you to go a little deeper or insert an additional finger(s) into their anal canal.
Anal Fingering Techniques
Start with one finger and then work up to two or more. Usually, one or two is enough to give your partner pleasure. Don’t be discouraged if they can’t handle two fingers the first time. Some people may need a little longer to get used to the sensation before they can handle two or more.
Also, don’t forget that the Prostate gland, in men, is the most pleasure-inducing spot. So, angle your finger towards the P Spot for maximum pleasure.
Likewise, in women, do not mindlessly thrust your finger in and out. Try to apply pressure to the part of their anal canal that’s closest to the vaginal wall. Move your finger slightly downwards as you move it in and out or in a circular motion to really hit her spots.
Start slow and with only one finger using the circle technique.
Circular Motion
Before inserting your finger, rub your finger in a circular motion at the entrance. Once inside, continue moving your finger in a circular motion as you make your way deeper inside the anal canal.
This technique also works with more than one finger, so if your partner enjoys this move, continue doing it once you’ve inserted more than one finger.
Up and Down Movements
Move your finger in an up-and-down motion, slowly at first. Once they become used to the sensation, move your finger faster. Increase the speed and continue jerking your finger up and down.
For some, this sensation might be too intense. For others, it hits all their spots as the up and down movement allow you to quickly jerk your finger around at faster speeds better than the circle technique mentioned above.
One in the Front, One in the Back
While exploring their backdoor entrance, use a free finger and explore their front door. For many women, the double sensation is intense but highly enjoyable. If your partner can handle it, slide one finger into their vagina while you finger them anally.
Move both fingers, the one inside the anal canal and the vagina, at the same pace in an up-and-down motion. Move your hand rather quickly for more intense stimulation, or move your fingers back and forward (in and out) at a slow and easy pace for more gentle stimulation.
Tongue Out, Finger In
Another way to stimulate your partner and get more bang for your buck is by licking their anus while you finger them. Alternately, lick their clitoris instead.
While moving your finger inside their anal canal, extend your tongue forward and begin gently kissing their cheeks. Move your tongue closer to the entrance of their anal canal, and start licking up and down with your finger(s) inside. After doing that for a few moments, start licking the entrance in a circular motion while moving your finger in and out.
If you aren’t ready to toss anyone’s salad, choose a sex position that will allow you to lick their pussy while fingering them anally. You can have your partner sit on your face and relax. Or choose doggy style or flat on her back. In these three positions, you can access both areas of her body.
While fingering her ass, use your tongue to eat her pussy. Oral sex isn’t easy, so if it’s tips and tricks you’re looking for, we have you covered. Read our how to eat pussy guide to step up your oral sex game and become the best she’s ever had.
What Not to Do During Anal Fingering
You should keep a few things in mind and never do these actions when anally fingering someone. These actions could cause many problems for your partner or yourself later on, so it’s best to make it standard practice to avoid these three mistakes when anally fingering someone.
Leave Long Nails
Long nails look fantastic on a woman, but long nails and fingering are not the best combinations. Long nails can sometimes leave small nicks and tears that can become painful or lead to infection. It’s always better to be safe than sorry by trimming your fingernails to a reasonable length before anal fingering.
Go Backdoor to Frontdoor
The anal canal is covered with bacteria that you do not want to introduce to the delicate environment inside your partner’s vagina. Never insert your fingers into their anus and then their vagina without washing your hands first.
Forget to Wash Your Hands
Never forget to wash your hands before anally fingering your partner, and don’t forget to wash afterward.
You should wash your hands before because you never know what might lurk under your fingernails from the day. It might be something harmless, like bits of food, or something a little more insidious, like pathogens that can get into the bloodstream from small nicks and tears.
Wash your hands afterward because you don’t want to transfer fecal matter or bacteria from the body to surfaces where colonies of bacteria can grow. For example, E.Coli lives in your intestines, including your rectum, and you don’t want to transfer that onto surfaces or objects that might go into someone’s mouth.
Anal Fingering Sex Positions
These are the three best sex positions to finger your partner in. All positions are beginner friendly. Simply grab a pillow and a bottle of lube, and get to work!
On Her Back
There are two versions of this sex position. In the first version, ask your partner to relax on her back on the bed. Put a pillow under her lower body to change the penetration angle and lift her ass upwards towards you. Keep their legs spread as far apart as comfortable.
In the second version, you will ask your partner to relax on the bed. But instead of them spreading their legs out, they will place one leg on each of your shoulders to lift their pelvis up and towards you.
Ass in the Air
In the third sex position, you will ask your partner to get into doggy style. For additional comfort, put a pillow down in front of her and allow her to rest her upper body on the bed. Keep her pelvis raised up and towards you.
You can use the anal fingering techniques learned in this article in all three sex positions. Once you master anal fingering, you will probably want to take things up a notch and try new exciting things to spice up your sex life.
What to Do Next
Anal fingering is the first step to trying anal sex toys and anal sex. However, it doesn’t always have to lead to those things if your partner isn’t comfortable.
But if you both are on the same page, and want to do something a little more in the bedroom, try anal sex toys. Sex toys are a great addition to the bedroom, and wands, vibes, and even handcuffs are some of our favorite sex toys. Still, anal sex toys are even better for spicing up the bedroom because they can be used in combination with other sex toys that stimulate other parts of the body, such as the clitoris, G Spot, or nipples, to produce more powerful and intense orgasms.
The three must-own sex toys are a vibrating butt plug, an anal training kit, and anal beads.
An anal training kit is an introductory set to anal sex. Each kit has various size butt plugs that prepare the body for anal sex as the receiver slowly works its way up from the smallest plug available to the biggest one in the kit.
Anal beads have some things in common with an anal training kit. For one, it’s a beginner-friendly sex toy that comes in a smaller size to help the receiver get used to larger objects inside their rectum. The two sex toys differ in design. Anal beads consist of multiple small beads in a row that can be slowly inserted, going deeper into the rectum, and then slowly removed to stimulate the anus even more.
A vibrating butt plug is much like a standard one, except the vibrations add a unique sensation to both stand-alone anal play and vaginal sex. You can feel the vibrations from the vaginal wall, so the male partner can enjoy the toy too. Plus, anal vibrations and penetration are a great combination for her.
We recommend all three sex toys to try once you’ve fallen in love with anal fingering. After sex toys, it might be a good idea to give anal sex a try.
Both men and women can enjoy anal sex. If you are a man with a female partner, try pegging. Pegging is a sexual act where a female partner wears a strap-on and penetrates her male partner. Men open to the practice will definitely enjoy pegging if they find anal play pleasurable.
Women also can enjoy anal sex with their male partner. We suggest taking your time getting used to larger objects by anal training with the kit before trying anal sex. Depending on her partner’s size, it might be a little more than she’s used to, and it can feel quite strange the first time you have anal sex. Ensure you understand each other’s concerns and go slow.
Suppose she thinks anal sex is too much for her. In that case, she can always try asking her partner to penetrate her with a dildo first to become accustomed to the feeling of a large, moving object, and then try anal sex again later.
Really, there’s no wrong way to take the next step up from anal fingering. As long as both partners are comfortable, you can skip straight ahead to anal sex.
Do what feels right for you and your partner, and if things don’t go according to plan, take things down a notch again.
Troubleshooting: When Shit Hits the Fan
We recommend putting a towel down on the bed before annually fingering your partner. Accidents happen. It’s not the end of the world when poop comes out, but you can save your partner the embarrassment by doing this.
Before anal play or sex, put a towel down on the bed. Darker colors are best because it hides whatever might be on the towel a little better than white or light-colored ones. Ask your partner to rest on the towel while you finger them, and if anything slips or ends up on your fingers, don’t make a scene. Quietly wipe your fingers off on the towel, remove the towel from the bedroom, and wash your hands.
Your partner does not need to see or know the extent of the accidental slip-up. Many people are embarrassed or afraid to try anal because they think they will poop on the bed. If you make a scene, you will probably make your partner never want to try it again, or at least not for a very long time — no one wants that. So, be a gentleman about the situation.
By now, you should know how to finger your partner better than any porn star in those anal fingering porn videos! Continue practicing these techniques to improve your sex life and give your partner the pleasure they deserve.
If you’re interested in learning more sex techniques, read the other articles on our site and subscribe to our YouTube channel to stay up to date on all the videos we create.
