Sex education is probably lacking in your life. We all enter middle or high school and receive the same boring sex ed classes where the disinterested teacher puts a condom on a banana, tosses a few condoms into the crowd, and then says, “Good luck, kids!”
Then you wake up a decade or two later and wonder why your relationships with women are dysfunctional and your sex life is in the trash bin. Plus, there’s the impending fear of doom whenever your partner starts talking about intimacy, long-term relationships, and potential children.
We’re happy to say none of this is your fault. Sex education for men is practically non-existent, and most screams for help are met with ridicule, lack of understanding, or overly simplified answers that never fully address the issues.
More than a decade tardy, here’s the sex education you should have received all the years ago and are in desperate need of now.
Table of Contents
Sexuality is a Journey
Everyone is at a different point in their sexuality. You will meet people ready for a foursome after a single conversation. And you’ll meet people who are so timid about sex that asking them to have sex with the lights on is equivalent to being asked to jump off a building.
They are somewhere in their journey depending on their personal beliefs, upbringing, and of course, the amount of sex education from their parents, professionals, and community.
Without adequate sex education, many don’t know how to express their human sexuality, and it begins manifesting negatively — STDs and teen pregnancy, for example.
Human sexuality is a spectrum, and everyone stands at dramatically different points. If you can find amazing people close to where you are on the spectrum, great!
But if you can’t, you will have to compromise, meet them at their comfort level, and build up from there.
We are forever students when it comes to sexuality. There’s always something you don’t know and something you should be learning, no matter your age.
Masculinity Is Not Measured By Your Penis Size
Men larger than average might go on a power trip, believing they are superior to men with less in the downstairs area.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, men with smaller penises often feel broken or less than in some way.
For some men, that feeling of inferiority manifests in odd ways — dysfunctional relationships, lack of relationships, and some men even go as far as blaming their dick size for their inability to maintain healthy relationships. Before they know it, they’re indoctrinated on some Red Pill website.
Your sex education classes might have taught you that penis sizes vary, but often what’s left out of that conversation is that:
Sex Is Not Porn
A lot of us get our sex education from porn. It’s a sad truth that in many places in the world, sex education is not even one of the required classes for teenagers.
Some countries make sex so taboo that watching porn in the privacy of your bedroom once you checked and double-checked that everyone had fallen asleep was the only way you could get an education.
But porn is killing your sex drive and giving you performance anxiety. It’s no wonder you feel inadequate if you’re comparing your sex life to a 6’4 (1.93 m) guy with a 7-inch dick throwing his partner across the room like she was on a trampoline.
Because you have a list of expectations and a checklist for the evening, you’re in your head and not with her. She notices that you’re just going through the motions and starts to become disinterested in sex. She pulls back, which causes you to think it’s because you haven’t finished your checklist. In reality, it’s because you aren’t there with her. You’re in your head.
It’s no wonder that when you finally get a woman to enjoy herself, you finish long before she does. It’s because you’ve spent a decade or more masturbating to porn, finishing as quickly as possible before someone knocked on the door.
That said, porn is not all bad! Porn is a tool for greatness during or before sex with your partner. It can be foreplay and get your partner super horny before sex. If porn with your partner is something that interests you both, try these steps:
Sex Toys Are Not Niche Nor Taboo
If you told us that you learned how to use sex toys during your sex education, we’d call bullshit! Sex toys are a part of a healthy sex life, which makes it even more of a shame that they are still seen as taboo in some circles.
Many people believe sex toys are niche and novelty items only owned by “those couples,” not normal ones. Or perhaps you think sex toys are only for single women too lowly to find a man or lesbians looking to simulate heterosexual sexual experiences.
For others, toys are taboo, and there’s a mental roadblock preventing them from even considering ever googling it, let alone purchasing one and using it.
Sex toys are neither niche, novelty, nor taboo items. Nor is owning one somehow diminishing your masculinity. Think of a sex toy as an extension of your hand and fingers, designed for nothing other than your partner’s pleasure. Giving her a sex toy is not admitting defeat or incompetence.
Sex toys can enhance many sexual experiences. You can help your partner orgasm multiple times or feel different, highly pleasurable, and orgasmic sensations that are impossible to experience without a little something vibrating in or on her/your body.
Not sure where to get started? Read this fantastic introduction to sex toys, or watch this YouTube tutorial.
Sexual Health Is More Important Than You Realize
Your school, parents, and counselors have all told you the same thing since puberty — to wear a condom during sex. The likelihood of you going your entire sex life wearing a condom with every single partner, avoiding condom mishaps, and evading drunken one-night-stands where you are too intoxicated to remember the condom is very slim.
Maybe you’ve remembered a condom 100% of the time, and all of those partners were clean (to your knowledge), but guess what? STDs are passed via oral sex too.
Many individuals, especially young people, forget that when things turn sexual, you’re ripping each other pants off and getting ready to eat her pussy like it’s the last meal of your life.
Once you get them, some diseases have a way of returning. Still, getting an STD is not the end of the world. Many common STDs, such as chlamydia and gonorrhea, have easy treatments. The non-curable ones are still not something to be ashamed of. You can converse with your partner and go on to have a normal sex life.
This brings us to another fast and hard rule of sex education, remember to go for regular STD tests, especially for those in non-monogamous romantic relationships (hell, even those in monogamous romantic relationships should put their health care first).
Even if you fully believe you’ll be granted a clean bill of sexual health, get tested at least once every six months or once per year, depending on your activity level.
Intimacy Over Intercourse
Sex is more than penetration, regardless of what your sexual orientation might be. It’s the buildup to intercourse and everything afterward, ranging from cuddles, post-coital discussions, laughter, or even crying.
Without intimacy, human connection, and bonding, sex is still pleasurable, but it’s like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and only having access to the salad bar in the corner. Could you still enjoy the meal? Yes, but would you miss what most people come to the buffet for? A resounding yes!
Intimacy is a vital part of healthy sex life. Still, it’s never covered in sex education classes, leaving unsuspecting men to discover and explore a range of human emotions, needs, values, and reactions that vary heavily from person to person without guidance.
This brings us to the next rule of sex education: intimacy can enhance and strengthen a relationship, and a lack of intimacy can destroy it.
Intimacy is all of the things discussed above and more. Generally, the four core aspects of intimacy are emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual, but what a person needs to feel fulfilled in their sex life varies so much from person to person that it’s difficult to pinpoint.
Go to sex therapy if you need it. Realize that communication is vital. Spend more time getting to know your partner than fucking your partner (although fuck your partner!).
Ensure all four key aspects are met for a fulfilling sex life.
Every Woman Is Different
There’s no better example of how your education and the “professionals” have failed you than this.
You learn that a woman’s reproductive system is designed to carry a child after nine months of pregnancy, and maybe you looked at a poorly drawn diagram of a vagina, and then your training was finished. You were sent out virtually without knowing how a woman’s body or mind works.
You’re aware that there is plenty that you don’t know, so maybe you look to friendships, family, or even pick-up artists for support.
No matter how hard you try, there seems to be something out of reach that you can’t access, if only you could, you would have the power in bed.
We’re sorry, but this master cheat sheet doesn’t exist. Sure, specific skills will pleasure most women, and learning to eat pussy properly or finger a woman will help, but she might not be into it at the end of the day!
Women’s bodies, comfort levels, and mental and emotional needs differ dramatically. With every new woman you interact with, you become a student again. You might have gotten an A+ in Sally, but you’re borderline failing in Jessica.
Think of her body and mind as a new class. You must study and practice that particular material; otherwise, you’ll fail the class. By failing the class, we mean she will move on and find someone else!
Women Adore Dominance
For the majority of women, dominance is sexy.
Dominance is missing from men’s education. Many guys think dominance is a synonym for abuse or domineering. It’s truly not.
Dominance is not forcing yourself on a woman. That’s rape. It’s not forcing her to do things she doesn’t want to do. That’s abuse. Nor is it never listening to her wishes and values while you do whatever you want. That’s being an asshole.
Women want support from their male partners. They want to feel safe and secure and know that their partner has their back. That’s dominance and essential to a healthy sexual relationship with women.
She wants to be free and succeed in her education and career, but when she comes home to you and closes the bedroom door, she most likely wants to feel like you’re the man of the house.
Women Love Sex
Much of men’s education is aimed at making women look like angels — timid, coy, and disinterested in sex because sex is for naughty little heathens.
She’s an angel because she values, cares for you, and perhaps is the mother of your child, but she’s no angel in the bedroom.
Women adore sex just as much as men, but men and women differ in their sexuality. A woman’s sexuality is more like a slow cooker than a microwave. It takes time, but it’s hot and ready to do the job once you get it going!
Men who believe women do not enjoy sex are most likely the result of expecting women to be microwaves instead of slow cookers. Give her foreplay, kisses, massages, dirty talk, and full engagement before intercourse. You’ll discover that she’s pretty interested in ripping your pants off and perhaps getting on her knees for you.
Sex Without an Orgasm Can Still Be Good Sex
Lastly, sex education fails most of us here. An orgasm is fan-fucking-tastic! The Big O will send tingles down your spine, and for some, it’s so mind-bendingly intense that they want to cry, immediately fall asleep, or fall in love.
However, an orgasm is not needed for good, even great sex. Sometimes, she won’t want to cum or really isn’t feeling it that evening. She might want slow intercourse, spooning, and cuddles without an orgasm. She might feel too much pressure to orgasm or even be too embarrassed to orgasm once, let alone multiple times.
Trying to force an orgasm takes good sex and turns it into a high-pressure situation, which does not equal fun or a good time.
Many men go into the bedroom with one goal — to make her cum! You might have even asked her at some point, “did you cum?” When she replies no, you feel disappointed or inadequate. Or perhaps she lies to spare your feelings. Either way, when a woman feels like you want to force something on her, it becomes even harder for her to do that.
Sex is fun, explorative, and playful. When orgasms happen, it’s amazing. But when they don’t, it doesn’t mean the entire evening has been wasted, or she will leave the following morning dissatisfied.
Training to be good in bed takes time and a lot of patience! Once you’ve mastered one lesson, another pops up in its place.
Accept that sexuality is a never-ending journey; your sex training will only end once you’re dead. At least sex is more exciting than a standard biology class taught by an elderly woman unless MILFS are your thing.
We’ve given you the fundamentals of great sex, now go out and practice them.