Let’s jump straight into the nitty-gritty. Most women do not enjoy being fingered unless you hit the G-Spot or any other spots deep inside their soft, wet, inviting vagina.
It’s not your fault. Porn videos on the internet have convinced you that women love getting “finger-banged,” so men worldwide treat their fingers like mini-penises designed to thrust in and out until she climaxes.
You’ve wasted your time if you tried to get a woman to climax this way. You need to level up! Giving a woman a pussy massage, paired with fingering her, is super easy, so it’s a wonder it’s remained a mystery for this long.
I guarantee your woman will go crazy if you set aside one night this week for a night of no pressure and no expectations, where she can sit back and enjoy a pussy massage.
Table of Contents
Her Anatomy
The anatomy of a woman’s vagina is an essential factor to consider. The clitoris is the most sensitive area and can be found at the top of the vulva. It is often called “the pleasure button” as it contains many nerve endings that respond to sexual stimulation.
The inner labia are the soft folds that surround the opening of the vagina and can also be stimulated for additional pleasure. You can use your fingers to explore this area, your tongue, or a sex toy.
The G-spot is located on the front wall of the vagina, about 2 inches (5.08 cm) in, and it can provide intense pleasure when stimulated correctly.
To find it, insert a finger into the vagina and make a “come hither” motion against the front wall. You may also want to try different angles and pressure until you find what feels best for your partner.
Finally, do your partner service, and don’t forget the perineum, which is located between the anus and the vaginal opening. Stimulating this area can increase pleasure. Start by lightly stroking the site with your fingertips before gradually increasing pressure.
Fact: Many people think the G-Spot is a myth! It's a real location inside the vagina that you can use to make your partner squirt and give her intense pleasure if it is stimulated correctly.
Finally, do your partner service, and don’t forget the perineum, which is located between the anus and the vaginal opening. Stimulating this area can increase pleasure. Start by lightly stroking the site with your fingertips before gradually increasing pressure.
Focus Points
Focus on multiple parts of her body instead of only sticking your finger in and out. While fingering, try to stimulate her entire body first and then move down towards her vulva without focusing solely on her clitoris. Take your time.
When she’s dripping wet, move down towards the vaginal opening, slowly teasing it. Then insert your fingers. The goal is to give love to her entire body while fingering her.
How to Finger a Woman
When it comes to fingering a woman, there are a few things you want to avoid. Pay attention, guys, because this is important.
First off, don’t rush! Take your time and enjoy the journey. Fingering is not a race to the finish line. Explore her body, tease her, and build up the anticipation. The more you rush, the less enjoyable it will be for both of you.
Second, don’t go too hard or too fast. Remember, the clitoris is sensitive, and too much pressure or friction can be uncomfortable or painful. Start with gentle touches and build up gradually. Watch her body language and listen to her responses to gauge what feels good.
Third, never pressure her into having sex afterward. Fingering should be an intimate and pleasurable experience on its own. Just because you’re exploring her body doesn’t mean it automatically leads to sex. Respect her boundaries and let her decide what she’s comfortable with.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, listen to her. Pay attention to her body language and listen to what she tells you. Every woman is different, and what one enjoys may not work for another. If she guides you or communicates what feels good, follow her lead.
Now that’s settled, let’s move on to the pussy fingering tutorial.
1. Set the Mood
Tell her you do not expect anything in return, although if you master this, you are nearly guaranteed to get something each time; the goal is no expectations, no plan, no goals — including no goal for making her orgasm. Orgasm is not the goal of sex! Fun, play, and exploration are the three goals you should have in mind.
Dim the lights, put on her favorite music or something calming, and light the candles. Ask her to lay on the bed, facing you, and put a pillow under her head and pelvis for comfort. Spread her legs as wide as possible. Continually ask if she’s comfortable.
Kneel on your knees in front of her. Men with knee pain might find the next position more comfortable. Instead of kneeling, sit with your legs spread out towards her head and ask her to wrap her legs around you. For added comfort, ask her to lie on the end of the bed so you can use the headboard for back support.
2. Foreplay
Foreplay is essential to any sexual experience, and fingering is no exception. Before exploring her pleasure zones, take some time to get her in the mood. Try kissing, caressing, and engaging in dirty talk to create a sensual atmosphere. This will help her feel more relaxed and aroused and make the experience more enjoyable for both of you.
3. Massage Her Entire Body
Once you’ve had time to get her in the mood, it’s time to explore her body. Begin with a full-body massage. Start at her neck and shoulders and work your way down, paying special attention to any areas she enjoys most. Take your time with each area before moving on to the next.
Once you’ve massaged her entire body, focus on to the inner thighs. This is an incredibly sensitive area and can be a great way to build up anticipation before you reach the vaginal opening. Start with light touches and gradually increase the pressure as you go. Experiment with different techniques such as rubbing, kneading, and caressing.
4. Focus on Her Vulva
Reminder — Don’t go straight for her clitoris!
Start with the vulva to warm her and get her excited and wet. The vulva is the whole area between her legs, including the two lips (labia majora and labia minora).
Most guys will toss it aside and go straight for the clit and vagina. As tempting as it may be, save the clit for last. Your finger should not enter her vagina until the very last moment when she’s starting to shake, squirm, and beg you to enter her.
There are multiple methods for massaging the vulva; here are the three best ones.
Method 1
Form a triangle with your two hands. Place the tips of your pointer fingers at the top of her pussy then allow your two thumbs to move up and downwards, massing the labia majora and minora.
Method 2
You want a well-lubed-up hand for this one. Lay one hand flat against her vulva. Slide the hand upwards from the vaginal opening and continue up her stomach. Bring your hands back down from the stomach, sliding your hand over the entire vulva.
Method 3
With a well-lubed-up hand, slide your hand from left to right slowly from top to bottom.
5. Go to Her Clit
Once you’ve explored the entire area, move on to her clitoris. This area is highly sensitive, so first use gentle strokes and light touches. Try using circular motions, tapping, or light flicking to stimulate her clitoris. Experiment with different techniques to see what she enjoys the most.
Finally, don’t forget about the clitoral hood—the thin skin covering the clitoris. While some women find direct stimulation of the clitoris too much, many find indirect touching in this area pleasurable. Try lightly stroking over the clitoral hood or lightly circling it with your fingertip.
Fact: The clitoris has up to 8,000 nerve endings, making it the most sensitive organ on a woman's body.
6. Play With Her Vaginal Opening
Start by using your fingers to gently glide along the outside of her opening, feeling the warmth and wetness. Take note of her reactions. Does she moan or gasp with pleasure? Keep that in mind as you continue.
Next, let’s talk about finger positioning. You can try using one or two fingers, whichever feels more comfortable. Lightly press your fingers against her vaginal opening, feeling the excitement build. Move your fingers in circular motions or up and down, varying the pressure and speed. Again, pay attention to her cues and let her body guide you.
Now, fellas, here’s a crucial point: keep your strokes smooth and consistent. Avoid any jerky movements or frantic poking. This is an intimate act, and she needs to feel safe and comfortable. Build up the anticipation and arousal gradually, like a slow, seductive dance. Trust me; the payoff will be worth it!
7. Insert Your Finger
Start by slowly and gently inserting your finger into her vaginal opening. Remember, guys; this is not a race, so take your time. If you need a little extra slipperiness, don’t hesitate to use some lube.
Once your finger is inside, you can start exploring. Curving your finger upward towards her front vaginal wall can help you stimulate her G-spot, which can lead to some intense pleasure. Experiment with different angles and pressures to find what works best for her.
8. Find Her G-Spot
This mysterious erogenous zone can bring your partner intense pleasure and even squirting orgasms.
To find her G-spot, insert your finger into her vaginal opening, as we learned in the previous steps. Once inside, start curving your finger upward towards her front vaginal wall. That’s where the magic happens!
Now, here’s a pro tip for you. If you want to level up the pleasure, try using a “come here” motion with your finger. Gently curl it towards her belly button. This indirect stimulation can amp up her pleasure and have her begging for more.
Start with slow and shallow strokes and gradually build to deeper and faster movements. Experiment with different speeds and depths to find that sweet spot for her pleasure. It’s all about exploring and finding what she enjoys the most.
9. Insert a Finger Into Her Anus (Optional)
If you want to take it up a notch, try stimulating her anus. This can be very pleasurable for some women because the area has nerve endings. Again, start by going slow and using plenty of lube.
Experiment with different techniques, such as circles or up and down motions. When you hit the right spot, she may experience an intense pleasure that will have her screaming with delight. Continue fingering her vaginally as you finger her anally for double stimulation.
10. Alternate Pace, Rhythm, and Intensity
Now that you know what she likes, it’s time to take things up a notch with alternate pace, rhythm, and intensity. This is a great way to keep things interesting and explore different sensations together.
Start by alternating between slow and fast movements or shallow and deep thrusts. You can also experiment with different rhythms, from long strokes to short taps. These variations in speed and depth will create a unique sensation that she’ll love.
Intensity is also vital here. Try lightly stroking her G-spot one moment, then increasing the pressure the next. This contrast between sensations can take her pleasure to the next level.
However, once you find her spot, continue doing it! There should be a balance between consistent movements that give her pleasure and alternating movements that explore, surprise, and excite her.
10. Talk to Her
Why is talking so important? For starters, it allows you to understand what she likes and doesn’t. Everyone’s pleasure zone is different; what works for one person might not work for another. So, by asking her how she’s enjoying it, you can tailor your technique to fit her unique desires.
Let’s acknowledge that we agree that less is often more when talking during fingering. You don’t need to deliver a full-blown monologue. Instead, keep it simple and let your words reflect your genuine desire to please her.
So, what kind of things can you say? Start with compliments. Tell her how amazing she looks or how much you love touching her. Let her know how good she feels.
You can also ask her questions. Ask her if she likes it when you do a certain stroke or if she wants you to go faster or slower. This shows you care about her pleasure and allow her to guide you.
And don’t forget about encouragement. Let her know how much she’s turning you on and how much you’re enjoying the experience. Hearing that can be a huge turn-on for her as well.
11. Aftercare
Aftercare is about caring for your partner’s emotional and physical well-being after a sexual encounter. It’s like the cool-down phase after a workout. It’s necessary for both of you to feel satisfied and connected.
So, what does aftercare involve? Well, first and foremost, it’s about checking in with your partner. Ask her how she’s feeling and if she needs anything. Maybe she wants water, a warm blanket, or a cuddle.
Another crucial aspect of aftercare is reassurance. Sometimes, after intense, intimate experiences, insecurities or doubts may arise. That’s when your role as a dominant partner comes into play. Reassure her that she’s fantastic, beautiful, and desirable.
Don’t forget about the power of gentle touch during aftercare. Hold her close, stroke her hair, or hold her hand. Physical touch can be incredibly comforting and help solidify the emotional bond you’ve created.
Lastly, communication is key, even after the act is over. Take some time to talk, share your thoughts, and listen to her feedback. This is an opportunity to strengthen your emotional connection and show her that her pleasure and satisfaction matter to you.
Expert Advice
First things first, let’s throw out the idea of just mindlessly inserting your finger in and out. Yes, that can feel decent, but if you want to amp up the pleasure, you must explore her vaginal walls.
The vagina is a fascinating place, filled with countless areas of pleasure. So, use your finger to explore and caress her walls gently. Pay attention to the different textures and sensations you encounter.
Now, here’s a little trick you may not have thought about. While exploring her inner depths, use your other hand to stimulate different body parts.
Maybe gently rub her clit or caress her breasts. This multi-sensory approach will heighten her pleasure and create an incredible connection between you two.
But wait, there’s more! I highly recommend incorporating a Clit Sucker, Hitachi wand, or G-Spot wand into your fingering routine. These magical little tools target her clitoris or G-Spot. Trust me; she’ll thank you for it.
Frequently Asked Questions
I often get asked questions about giving a fingering tutorial during one-on-one sessions and retreats with my clients. Unsurprisingly, men want to know how to pleasure their partners.
So, let’s get straight to it with some of the most frequently asked questions about fingering. Also, don’t hesitate to share this article if you’ve found it helpful!
Do you have a video tutorial?
Yes, I’ve created a few. You can find a pussy fingering tutorial, pussy massage tutorial, and many others on the SQL YouTube channel.
Here are a few 10, min 8 min, 5 min or even shorter videos that can teach you how to finger a woman, give her multiple orgasms, and build up sexual tension via foreplay. I promise you’ll learn more there than free porn videos can teach you.
Where can I learn more about pleasuring a woman?
Here is a good start. This website has multiple free resources, paid courses, and even retreats, where you can learn everything there is to know about pleasuring women and having fulfilling relationships with them.
What’s the best technique for fingering a woman?
Warning: There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question! Every woman is different, so communication is key. Talk to your partner and ask her what she likes.
Some women enjoy gentle and slow movements, while others prefer more intense stimulation. Experiment with different techniques, speeds, and pressures to determine what works best for her.
How long should I finger her for?
Again, there’s no strict rule here. Some women may orgasm quickly, while others may need more time. Pay attention to her body language and remember it’s not just about the destination but also the journey.
Is it necessary to use lube?
Lube can enhance the experience by reducing friction and making everything smoother. It’s beneficial if your partner experiences any dryness or discomfort.
Using a high-quality water-based lubricant can intensify sensations and make fingering more pleasurable for her. The lube I recommend is called J-Lube.
Should I use my fingers exclusively or incorporate other stimulation?
Yes! Don’t be afraid to mix things up with additional stimulation. Use your mouth, tongue, or a toy to heighten her pleasure. Creating a multi-sensory experience and exploring different erogenous zones is key.
Should I play with her clit too?
Absolutely! Playing with her clitoris can be a fantastic way to enhance her pleasure during fingering. The clitoris is incredibly sensitive and can be a major source of pleasure for many women.
