Does the thought of having sex make you feel…nervous? Have you ever struggled with sexual performance anxiety?
If you answered yes, you’re not alone. It’s not just teenage virgins that get worked up when it’s time to get busy. Men from all walks of life deal with sexual performance anxiety.
As a former pornstar, I know performance anxiety very well. If you think having sex makes you anxious, try having sex on film.
When porn is your job, your livelihood literally depends on how well you perform in bed. If you ejaculate early, get nervous, or lose your erection, you don’t get paid. How’s that for pressure?
Thankfully, through trial and error, I was able to consistently overcome performance anxiety and film some of the best porn scenes since Ron Jeremy.
I’ll explain how I fight performance anxiety later, but first, let’s discuss…
What Causes Sexual Performance Anxiety?
The reason is simple – men love sex. We really do.
We love sex so much, that we want to have it all the time. To have sex all the time, we feel like we need to please our women.
Subconsciously, we think that if we disappoint her, she’ll leave us and go find another man…and we’ll never have sex again. How terrible does that sound!
That’s why even if you’ve had sex with hundreds of women, or you’re in a committed relationship, you could still have performance anxiety.
I’d wager that married men have more anxiety than single men because there’s more on the line. Single guys can lose their girlfriend and they’ll find another. Married men…well…if your sex life turns sour, there could be dire consequences, such as divorce.
And that’s okay. Now that you understand why performance anxiety exists, even in married men, let me explain…
How To Get Over Performance Anxiety
Performance anxiety exists because of expectations. You think that you MUST deliver a rock-star performance in bed…or it’s the end of the world!
Therefore, the solution should be simple: lower your expectations. Sounds easy enough, right?
Unfortunately, it’s not so straightforward. Lowering your expectations takes time, and of course, you still want to have great sex. So, here’s three techniques to remove performance anxiety forever.
#1 – Cut Out The Porn
At the root of most men’s performance anxiety is porn.
When you watch a lot of porn, you start to think that sex should be just like a porn scene.
Hard pounding, 30 minutes of penetration, screaming orgasms, and huge money shots.
Watching that over and over again brainwashes men into believing they have to perform like a pornstar to please their woman.
But – women also love having sex with you even if you aren’t a pornstar.
Especially if you’re in a relationship, she doesn’t need all of that Hollywood production stuff. She just wants to spend time with you inside of her, naked, heart-to-heart.
In order to prove this to you, I suggest that you…
#2 – Have More Sex
This is my favourite tip…and it should be yours too!
Whenever we get nervous about something, it’s probably because we don’t do it a lot. We don’t have enough experience.
That’s why public speaking can be such a traumatic experience – we never do it! Speaking in front of hundreds of people is scary…until you do it so much that it becomes second nature to you.
The same concept can be applied to sex. The more sex you have, the more experience you get, and the less you’ll worry about your upcoming performance.
Have more sex, and your confidence will improve – wiping away your anxiety for good.
#3 – Speak It To The Universe
Lastly, I want you to try some woo-woo hippie stuff.
I’m talking about positive affirmations. Positive affirmations are when you speak positive things in order to make them come true.
I learned this first from Tony Robbins, who uses it in business, but I apply it to sex. I had to, because when I worked in porn…my business was sex.
To use this to reduce performance anxiety, use some lines that will increase your confidence in bed, like:
“I am an amazing lover.”
“I choose when I orgasm.”
“My wife loves having sex with me.”
“I have a strong, hard, erection.”
Look in the mirror and repeat these lines to yourself for ten minutes every day, and in the blink of an eye…they’ll come true.
I used them regularly before filming porn scenes, in order to put myself in the correct mindset. My first few scenes were nerve-racking, but using these phrases helped put me back on track, allowing me to create legendary scenes.
There you go, there are my three techniques to remove performance anxiety for good. At this point, you might be asking yourself…
What If I Still Can’t Get Hard?
Unfortunately, some men have performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction. The two problems go hand-in-hand.
Stress is a boner-killer, and when you can’t get hard, you stress even more. This creates a vicious cycle that’s hard to get out of.
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