Premature orgasm affects women too. Surprise, but disappointment, guilt, and shame plague men who orgasm too quickly during sexual activity and also plagues many women.
Women can have multiple orgasms, so what’s the big deal? Why does it matter that she cums before penetration or within the first minute of it?
According to women who experience female premature orgasm, it’s sometimes a complete mood killer! The clitoris becomes oversensitive, halting sexual activity. Or, she goes from a hungry sex-crazed lioness to a docile kitten wanting cuddles and cookies while her partner still wants more.
Simply put, a poorly timed male or female orgasm ends sexual activity before both parties are ready for it to be over.
Every couple deserves to have great, satisfying sex that lasts long enough for both persons to enjoy the connection. That’s why we have thought of five techniques to get the most out of your relationship with a wife who experiences premature female orgasms frequently.
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Premature orgasm is similar to premature ejaculation. It’s when a person, in this case, a female, climaxes too early during sexual interactions, sometimes before intercourse has even started. Often, she does not have control over her orgasms and is cumming much earlier than she intended or desired.
A woman who experiences premature orgasm might cum from kissing and caressing. By the time her clothes are off, she’s already lost interest in sex because she has already had one or more orgasms.
Another example could be when you’re rubbing your partner’s clitoris, and within a minute or two, she climaxes and then tells you to stop touching her because her clit is too painful to continue.
Premature orgasm can look like many different scenarios, but in some cases, it leads to one partner (her) being fully satisfied and the other (you) feeling like they’ve been left out or wanting more.
Why Female Premature Orgasms Can Be a Problem
Depending on the relationship, a quick orgasm might not be a problem at all. If you enjoy quickies or you also cum quite fast, having a partner that does the same can be more satisfying than having a partner who takes fifteen or more minutes to cum.
But in relationships where one partner takes significantly more time to climax or wants to enjoy sex, without or without orgasm, for a much longer period, then untimely female orgasms can be a problem.
Female premature orgasm is not well-studied. A 2011 study on 510 Portuguese women aged 18-45 discovered that more than 3% experienced premature orgasms.
We don’t know just how common premature orgasm is for women globally due to a lack of interest in studying the phenomenon or a lack of awareness that the problem exists.
But we have heard from women online voicing their concerns and summarized their responses below.
The number one reason why a premature orgasm can be an issue for many women is that their clitoris becomes overly sensitive, even painful, from slight stimulation or touch.
The clitoris is packed full of nerve endings that, when stimulated, send tons of pleasurable sensations throughout the body. The clitoris has more nerve endings than the head of your penis, so if you ever had a partner that wanted to continue intercourse or suck you off after spilling your load, then you already know uncomfortable the interaction can be.
When you’re getting hot and heavy with your wife, your penis might accidentally rub against her clit, making sex uncomfortable and painful. She might even ask you to stop, change positions, slow down, or pause momentarily until the pain stops.
In the best-case scenario, it’s a mood killer. You probably did not intend on finally getting into a good sex rhythm, only to be told to pause right as you’re about to climax.
In the worst-case scenario, she’s done for the evening, and you don’t get to climax through penetrative sex.
Not every woman’s clitoris becomes overly sensitive, to the point of wanting or needing to stop sex, but it seems quite common for women who experience orgasms prematurely.
After the climax, it’s normal to experience decreased sex drive. A woman with premature orgasms often reach orgasm faster than their partner and is ready to call it a night, cuddle, or do something else.
See the problem? One person is much more interested in continuing sexual activity than the other, leading one partner to be sexually frustrated and the other riddled with guilt for not helping their partner finish or shame for how their body functions.
Women who lose interest in sexual activity after their orgasm(s) often feel guilty for not being physically able to continue sex due to pain and discomfort, not being able to orgasm at the same time as their partner, or not being able to bring their partner to climax due to no longer wanting to continue sex.
Many women experiencing premature orgasm feel ashamed for cumming too soon. Some women reported feeling inadequate and insecure about how their bodies responded to stimulation and wishing they could delay their orgasms long enough to enjoy sex more and satisfy their partner.
What Do I Do If My Wife Cums too Fast?
It’s not easy to learn how to reduce the likelihood of a premature female orgasm, but there are several steps that both you and her can take to slow things down in the bedroom and keep her interested in sex longer.
Masturbation is something everyone does, but she might not be doing enough of it to understand her own arousal patterns, triggers, and cues.
She doesn’t have to worry about lasting long enough in bed to please a partner while doing it. Instead, she can focus solely on her arousal levels and sensitivity and become more familiar with her own body.
Many women have tell-tale signs for when they are getting close to orgasm. Perhaps your partner does not realize that she experiences one particular sensation, such as tingling, rapid heart rate, or hastened breathing when she is nearing climax.
She needs to learn her own cues so that when she begins showing signs of an impending orgasm, she can tell you to slow down a bit or touch her elsewhere so that she does not cum.
There is a technique called edging that both men and women can practice. When someone edges, they take themselves as close to orgasm as possible without allowing themselves to reach orgasm. Edging teaches you how to recognize the signs and what steps you must take to prevent yourself from achieving orgasm.
It’s like having your hand on the trigger of a firearm and trying to learn how much pressure you can apply to it before the bullet finally explodes out of the barrel.
The technique is great for both women who have premature orgasms and men suffering premature ejaculation or couples who want to make sex last longer in the bedroom but don’t experience either of these two conditions.
Your partner can practice edging and learning her signs of an impending orgasm through self-exploration and play. Encourage her to stimulate herself with her fingers or sex toys. Practicing edging alone first before attempting with a partner allows the person to focus better on the task at hand without feeling like they must perform for their partner.
Get your partner to touch herself while noting how she feels right before she’s about to orgasm. Once she’s certain that she can recognize the signs, encourage her to practice edging independently. She will use her particular cues and try to pull back before she cums.
Another great technique is to understand her triggers. By triggers, we mean what is it in particular that really gets her going!
Is it when you kiss her, rub her clit, massage her breast? Or is it something really specific such as rubbing her clit in an up-and-down motion or the way you move your tongue while kissing?
Every person has one (or many!) sexual triggers that seem to get them more hot and heavy than other things, even if those other things are equally as sexual or pleasurable.
Ideally, she should know her triggers and what she likes during foreplay and sex. In the case she does not, experiment together without penetrative sex being the end goal. That way, you both work together to understand what makes her tick.
Once you’ve learned a few of them, avoid doing that particular action during foreplay and save it for sexual intercourse instead. For example, avoid fingering her and clitoral stimulation until you’re entwined together in whatever sex position you prefer.
Finally, she must guide you during foreplay and intercourse to avoid orgasming prematurely. If she knows her personal triggers and signs of an impending orgasm, she can guide you while you touch each other by saying, “Not there yet”, “Go a bit slower,” or “Do this instead!”
If you cannot find a way to delay your partner’s orgasm, why not finish yourself? Although it’s not a solution that everyone wants to hear, it is, in fact, a solution to the problem.
If she climaxes and cannot continue due to an overly sensitive clitoris or vagina, ask her to finish you off with her hands instead. If she’s also lost interest in sex, use your hands or a sex toy to help yourself climax too, and then come back to your partner for postcoital bonding.
If your girlfriend or wife has an orgasm quickly, it might not be all that bad!
A quick orgasm might be a good thing in some cases because, at least, you can be sure that you made her satisfied and she is not faking her orgasms.
If an ill-timed orgasm is ruining her confidence in the bedroom or it’s leading to relationship problems, try slowing things down, understanding her triggers and holding off on them until a better moment, and listening to your partner’s direction in the bedroom.
Finally, why try and control your wife’s orgasm when you can learn to enjoy the high-speed ride with her? Let her enjoy her speedy orgasms, and finish yourself off instead.
Don’t let quick orgasms come between you and her’s sex life.