All relationships have their ups and downs. When we don’t do anything about those low points, it becomes a problem…
It’s important to take action before boredom has a chance to take its toll. Same-old missionary only gets us so far. Sometimes we need to get creative by introducing new positions, locations, and ideas!
At Sexual Quantum Leap, we take sex seriously. So, here’s how you’ll revamp your boring sex life, reignite the spark, and maybe (highly likely!) you’ll learn something about pleasuring your partner in new and better ways.
Working on your sex life is like going to the gym—you put in the work and get results! To help you out, we’ve compiled this list of 23 simple tips and tricks that can spice things up between the sheets!
Table of Contents
Do This Outside of the Bedroom
Spicing things up starts long before you step foot in the bedroom. No one ever said that romance, intimacy, and even a quickie had to be limited to the confines of four walls.
So, before your woman gets home, do this and watch how your own sex life changes!
Contrary to popular opinion, better sex does not start in the bedroom. If you know what you’re doing, it should start long before either of you makes it home.
Tease her in public to get things started. Teasing in public could mean anything from playfully taping her ass to lightly twisting and moving her hair from her face.
The goal is to interact with each other in non-sexual ways, at first, so that, eventually, things become sexual. It’s about building sexual tension and anticipation and letting your lady know you’re thinking about her. Or, more specifically, that you’re interested in her.
Other options include:
Caressing is similar to teasing, but there is a difference. Caressing is strictly physical, whereas teasing could be verbal, non-verbal, or physical.
Caressing is a light, gentle touch that communicates affection and tenderness. It builds up to more intense, prolonged, and passionate touching.
The more you can physically interact with your partner without going overboard and becoming annoying, the more likely you’ll be able to get her in the mood.
Randomly caressing her can be done anywhere, anytime. It could be as simple as running your fingers through her hair or touching her arm while you’re talking.
If you’re not in the same room, sending her a suggestive message can be a great way to get things started.
It doesn’t have to be anything too explicit or graphic. In fact, avoid graphic and explicit material at first. Very few women enjoy receiving dick pics out of the blue without any lead-up or follow-up. An erect penis 100% communicates your intentions, and it is direct! However, women are not direct.
Start easy with something that lets her know that you’re thinking about her and want to do something naughty with her later.
You could also send her a picture of yourself in a suggestive pose (fully clothed) or wearing something that she considers sexy such as a sweaty clothes at the gym, a nice suit, with a new haircut, or shirtless but not nude.
Giving her something nice is a great way to show your appreciation for her and to let her know that you’re thinking about her.
It could be anything from a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates, or even a simple card expressing your love and admiration for her.
Go for meaningful over expensive. A $1000 bracelet is a great gift, but not if your woman does not associate the gift with you or your affection for her. Rather, go for something that she will, without a doubt, think of you when she sees it.
It could be as simple as a framed picture of the two of you or a simple piece of jewelry that she can wear as a reminder of your love.
The goal is to make her feel special and appreciated. Know your partner well and what she values and treasures to give the perfect surprise gift.
As kids, we all dreamt of a food fight in the canteen. Someone throws the first slice of pizza, and suddenly it’s chaotic, messy, and fun.
You will do the same thing, but less chaotic and messy…
When you’re in the kitchen with your partner, playfully place a bit of whipped cream, chocolate, sweet syrup, or honey on her cheek or elsewhere when she is not looking. Say, “You got something on your cheek.” Before she can think or answer, passionately kiss or lick it off her body.
Once she has caught on, treat each other to an unexpected edible adventure by running melted chocolate or sticky honey over each other’s bodies.
If the only place you have sex or are sexually intimate is inside your bedroom, then it’s no wonder that things are a bit stale. People like comfort and predictability, but without spontaneity and passion, comfort becomes boring or, worse, a dreaded routine.
Try something new. Have sex in the kitchen, bathroom, living room, or outside! If possible, have sex in the backyard under the stars at night. Set up a blanket or tent, make a small fire, and tell stories about your past dates, travels, or adventures together.
If you have a pool with a privacy fence, why not go for a late-night swim? Send the kids away for a few hours, and spend the night in the warm water, kissing and playing with each other.
If you’re feeling really daring, you can even take it to the next level and have very exciting sex in a public place like a beach, nature trail, waterfall, restroom, or park. Just be sure you won’t accidentally flash the wrong person! A trip to the local jail cell would be an adventure, but it’s not the one she has in mind. Ideally, if you are going to have sex in public, do so when the area is less crowded or in an area with good coverage, such as a less-trafficked nature trail.
Showering together is one of the most underrated activities couples can do together. Not only does it provide a great opportunity for physical intimacy, but it also allows you to connect emotionally.
When showering together, take your time and enjoy the moment. Take turns washing each other’s bodies with a loofah or sponge. Pay special attention to your partner’s erogenous zones, such as her neck, inner thighs, and breasts. You can even use a waterproof vibrator or massage wand to add a little extra stimulation.
Once you’re done with the shower, move to the bedroom and continue your lovemaking session. This will help keep things interesting and exciting.
Light some candles, put on a sexy playlist, and make sure the temperature is right. Doing this shows that you care enough to have put in a little effort to make the evening special, and women eat that stuff up!
Don’t limit yourself to the bedroom; fix up the entire house, if you can, or at minimum, the areas surrounding the bedroom, like the living room, bathroom, and walkway.
Lay a trail of rose petals from the entrance of the bedroom door so that your intentions are clear. Plus, it’s a pleasant and most likely unexpected surprise!
Lastly, if you want to spice things up, go way out of your comfort zone and head to some tropical, sunny, and romantic destination.
Take a few day’s trip to the Caribbean, or take a week-long cruise if you can afford it. If you’re feeling really adventurous, why not try something like a hot air balloon ride?
The point is to get out of your comfort zone and have some fun. You don’t have to go far or spend too much money; make sure you are doing something different and exciting.
It may be time to see a sex therapist if you feel you can’t find a way to better sexual communication. Sometimes having a third person giving advice is what you need.
A certified sex therapist can provide insight into how to spice up your sex life and help you both feel more emotionally connected by offering tips and personalized advice that is tailored to your situation and needs.
They may also help you identify any underlying issues that may be preventing you from enjoying a healthy sex life in your long term relationship.
Do This Inside the Bedroom
Now on to the second most important part: spicing things up in the bedroom!
Now that you’ve done all that groundwork to get your partner eager, excited, and wet, use these techniques to ensure you both have a wild evening and amazing sex.
A healthy sex life is built on more than penetration.
Foreplay isn’t just about getting her ready for hot sex — it’s also important for its own sake. Before sex, dedicate some time to only sensual massage, soft touches, kisses, caresses, and whatever gets you both in the mood without aiming toward ejaculation or orgasm as your goal.
Those climaxes will come naturally if you both take this additional step before diving into lovemaking!
Try giving one another a sensual massage as a starter. A sensual massage is a form of massage that focuses on the body’s different erogenous zones. It typically includes intimate, delicate touches and slow, sensual strokes to help an individual relax and reduce emotional and physical stress. You can use massage oils or lotions to make the experience more pleasurable.
Start by setting the mood – dim the lights, light candles, and choose calming music. Then, use your hands to massage your partner’s entire body. Start with the neck and shoulders and work your way down the legs. Incorporate different techniques like kneading, stroking, and tapping.
Sensuality is not only about her pleasure; it’s about yours! By slowing things down and focusing on sensuality as opposed to penetrative sex, you will have more of a sexual connection and, therefore, more passionate se later on.
Becoming a smooth talker is important in spicing up your sex life. Talking dirty can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be.
Start off slow and use words that you are comfortable with. Talk dirty by focusing on what you like and what turns you on. Describe how you feel in the moment and let your partner know what they do to make you feel good. Just make sure you don’t cross any boundaries.
If you can only hear the sound of the bed creaking or your breathing, then you’re not doing it right.
Making noise and a lot of noise during sex can be incredibly arousing and lead to more satisfying sex. You can start with some light moaning and gradually increase the volume as things get more intense.
You can even howl like a wolf if you want to! Do whatever you need to let your partner know how much you’re enjoying sex, and encourage her to let it out and get vocal too.
To do oral sex justice:
Your sex life will get stale if you constantly reuse the tried and true sex positions like doggy and missionary. There are more than 100 different sex positions, and what are you doing if you only tried 2-5 of them?
For beginners, we recommend the Asian Cowgirl (yes, that’s the name), Reverse Cowgirl, Spooning, and Butterfly. For more sexually adventurous couples, test out Cancer (yes, that is also the name), the Clapper, Pretzel Dip, and Eiffel Tower.
With your partner, create a sex bucket list of all the positions and different sexual experiences you want to have.
We create sex position tutorials on YouTube, so subscribe to our channel.
If you’re feeling really daring, film yourselves having sex! This can be a great way to spice up your sex life and add some excitement. You can watch the video afterward and relive the experience.
You don’t have to share it with anyone else if you don’t want to; make sure you agree on what will happen with the footage before you start filming. Also, keep in mind where you will store the content. Tip: Keep it somewhere where someone would not accidentally come across it unless voyeurism is your thing too. Password protect it so that if it is accidentally discovered by your children or friends, there is a slim chance they will be able to open and watch it.
On the flip side, watch a porno together. Watching porn with your wife or partner can be a great way to explore new fantasies, and it can also be a great way to start conversations about what turns each of you on.
Just make sure you don’t go overboard on porn.
Most women are not interested in the stereotypical pornography that’s hardcore and shot from the male perspective. However, some women do enjoy that type of thing.
Rather let her pick the erotic movie or porn to show you what she likes. She may even be able to show you something new!
Or play it safe by choosing an R-rated Hollywood movie or NC-17; you will get the occasional nude or lovemaking scenes without calling it an adult film. Likewise, let her choose the movie, as she will most likely pick a movie that reminds her of intimacy and turns her on anyways.
We suggest your partner plays dress up.
Whether she is dressing up as a naughty nurse or a sexy secretary, wearing something that makes her feel sexy and confident can be incredibly liberating. Plus, it’s great to see her in revealing outfits that show off her best assets.
For the woman who does not like to indulge in sexual fantasies, go lingerie shopping together and pick out something you both like. This can be a great way to spice up your sex life without getting too kinky.
There are tons of sexy games available online or in stores that can help spice up your sex life. These games range from simple card games to more elaborate scenarios. Some games are designed to help couples explore their fantasies and desires. In contrast, others are more focused on physical pleasure.
Buy a pair of dice to play a game between the sheets. The possibilities are endless! For example, have one die with numbers and the other with body parts – whichever number you roll designates which body part is up for grabs.
Make a bet with your wife or partner and see who wins. It could be anything from a game of strip poker or a silly dare. The winner gets a reward, such as a loser giving the winner a massage or some other type of sexual favor. This can be a great way to get creative and have fun with your partner.
Play dirty truth or dare. Not only can playing this game help to break down barriers between partners, but it can also open up new avenues of communication and exploration.
Just don’t go too extreme with the dares, at least not in the first round.
Lastly, and a personal favorite, go on a sexy scavenger hunt. This game can be tailored to fit your desires, making it as PG or X-rated as you like.
Start by creating a list of items that need to be found and include both naughty and nice items. For example, one item on the list could be a feather, while another could be a pair of handcuffs. When one of you finds an item, the other person has to complete a sexual task before moving on to the next item.
In reality, any monotonous game can be turned into a thrilling sexual adventure — a sex-venture, if you will.
Becoming a master of sex toys and having a toy box of them that you can weaponize for pleasure is a must!
Sex toys are available in-store and online in sex shops and come in various shapes, sizes, and settings. Some lick, suck, and even fuck!
You’re spoiled for choice, so it might differ from selecting one or two sex toys to get you started. Luckily, finding the perfect sex toy combination is not hard. For your partner, grab a toy that stimulates her two most sensitive erogenous zones first.
These areas are her clitoris and vagina. For her clitoris, buy a Hitachi wand. It essential is a hand-held vibrator with a bulbous or circular tip. These little guys come in various vibration settings and price ranges. Aim for a mid to higher priced wand, as you want it to last.
The sex toy we recommend is the Pretty Love: Black and Gold.
Secondly, you’re going to need something to stimulate her vagina. The popular choice is a dildo, but we recommend a G Spot wand. They stimulate the best spots inside the vagina and can trigger orgasms in many women. She might even squirt if you’re good with your tool.
The best G Spot sex toys are sturdy, inflexible, and curved. Go for this one: Curved Multi-Speed G-Spot Vibrator.
Fetishes are sexual desires or interests that involve specific objects, body parts, or activities. They can range from mild to extreme and can be incredibly stimulating. Examples of common fetishes include, but are not limited to, feet, leather, latex, and role-playing.
If you and your partner are interested in exploring fetishes, it’s important to communicate openly and honestly about what you’re both comfortable with. Talk about boundaries and safety before engaging in any activities.
A popular fetish is BDSM, which stands for bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. It is a kink involving power play.
Bondage can be a good start for couples interested in getting into kinky sex in the bedroom but aren’t sure where to start. Bondage means restraining one partner with ropes, handcuffs, or other tools.
You don’t have to go off the deep end with it. Just because you find some extreme content online does not mean you have to take things that far. Start with a pair of pink handcuffs and a blindfold, and go from there! In most cases, those two items are enough to spice things up.
Getting kinkier revamps your sex life because it gives you something new to try in the bedroom that you may not have thought of before.
For our final tip, try role-playing. Take whatever you’re interested in and turn it into a sexual story. For instance, if you’re into superheroes, create a scenario where one of you is the superhero, and the other is the villain.
You can also role-play as a teacher and student. Or, if you’re feeling really daring, try something like a police officer and criminal.
The idea is to create an erotic story that you both will enjoy, and that is incredibly stimulating and fun.
You can even take things out of the bedroom. Pretend you’re strangers that just met in a bar and act out your sexual fantasies from start to finish.
It sounds too simple to work, but role-play can effectively spice up your sex life. Plus, you explore your desires without taking any real risks.
In summary, spicing up your sex life doesn’t have to be complicated. Plenty of simple and effective ways to add excitement and sexual satisfaction to the bedroom, creating the fun sex life you crave.
Ultimately, it’s all about communication and finding what works best for you and your partner. If you enjoyed this article about how to spice up your sex life, consider checking out our other articles about how to have a happy and active sex life.