How To Crush Self-Doubt and Be Confident in Bed: For Men 

How To Crush Self-Doubt and Be Confident in Bed: For Men 

Don’t settle for an unsatisfactory sex life because of psychological hurdles like self-doubt and insecurity. Simple steps can help boost your confidence and help you level up in the bedroom. It’s time to take action and reclaim control. 

You’ll learn to break through those mental barriers and be confident in bed, so you can become the lover you’ve always wanted.

These tips will help crush self-doubt, maximize pleasure for yourself and your partner, and teach you how to be confident in bed.

Table of Contents

Acknowledge Your Insecurities

The first step to overcoming self-doubt is to acknowledge it. Acknowledge that you have doubts and fears about your body image. Once you accept your insecurities, you can start to work on them and feel confident.

The next step is to identify the source of your self-doubt. Is it something from your past or a fear of failure? Once you know what’s causing your doubts, address them.

One way to do this is to practice positive self-talk and shadow work. Remind yourself that you are capable and worthy.

Focus on the positives and let go of any negative thoughts. Chances are, if you could find someone who cares about or even loves you, you aren’t that bad of a guy. The worries about yourself that make you feel insecure and anxious don’t matter much to your partner.

Communicate Insecurities With Your Partner

It might sound counterintuitive. How can divulging my darkest, most well-kept secrets and insecurities lead to more confidence and happiness in the bedroom? 

It’s simple. How many people do you know or have heard of that have had a big, deep, dark secret buried and been able to be relaxed, easy-going, and present in the moment? Rarely ever. 

They’re too busy wondering if someone will discover their inadequacies and deception, looking for ways to better conceal the truth. They’re tense and anxious because they never know when the truth will be revealed. 

Having insecurities you hide from your partner is like having a massive secret that haunts you in the bedroom. So what can you do to erase them one by one?

Talk about them with your partner, with who you should have a strong, healthy relationship built on trust. If that’s not true, then your lack of confidence is not the biggest issue in the relationship right now. The absence of trust is.

Communicating your insecurities with your partner is important in overcoming self-doubt and building confidence. It can be difficult to open up about your feelings, especially when, as a man, you have been taught to conceal and pretend your entire life. 

Start by expressing how you feel without blaming or shaming yourself. Let them know that you’re feeling insecure and that you need their support. This will help build trust and understanding between the two of you.

Most likely, your partner won’t criticize you; she’d probably comfort you by telling you the issue is all in your head. They may not have even noticed or thought it wasn’t very important.

Stop Thinking About Sex as a Performance

Another way to overcome self-doubt is to stop thinking of sex as a performance. Sex should be an enjoyable experience for both partners, not a competition.

Focus on the pleasure and connection that you can share with your partner. Don’t worry about how long it takes or how many positions you can do. Instead, focus on the sensations and emotions of being intimate with someone else.

Establish a Connection With Your Partner

Establishing a connection with your partner is key to removing yourself from self-doubt in the bedroom.

Stay mindful of her desires and needs to foster intimacy.

Maintain eye contact during sex. It will make a huge difference in the bedroom.

Understand who she is as a person, and allow her the opportunity to do the same with you. A relationship built off more than just sex and physical relationships tends to have more going for it and can withstand periods when one or both partners have insecurities, self-doubts, and fears.  

Practice Self-Care and Self Love

Making time for self-care is essential to feeling good in bed. Taking time to relax and destress can positively affect your mental state.

Ensure you are taking care of yourself physically by exercising regularly and eating healthy foods. A lot of self-doubts come from having a suboptimal physical appearance. If you lack body confidence because you aren’t as fit as you want or used to be, getting back in shape could help address those concerns. 

Maintaining a healthy diet is a critical part of feeling confident in bed. Eating nutritious foods will give you the energy and stamina you need to last longer.

A balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains will help keep your body functioning optimally. Avoiding processed foods and sugary snacks can help reduce anxiety and stress.

In addition to eating a healthy diet, ensure you get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation can lead to fatigue and low energy levels, affecting your ability to experience pleasure in the bedroom.

Be Kinder to Yourself

No one will judge you in the bedroom. Take a deep breath, loosen up, and don’t stress out. No grades or evaluations will come to you within the next few weeks, nor will any reprimand from a headmaster be given due to your choices. Therefore, it would be pointless to berate yourself over your past sexual experiences.

The metric for success you created in your mind never helps, nor does listening to the small man in your head who criticizes every action or inaction.

Many self-doubts come from negative self-talk ( the little man in your head) and comparing yourself to others and preventing you from feeling confident in your own skin.

Instead of focusing on your flaws, focus on the positive aspects of your body and sexuality.

Remind yourself that you can give and receive pleasure in the bedroom. Everyone has different preferences and desires, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect when there is no perfect.

Have a Generally More Positive Mindset

A positive mindset is essential for crushing self-doubt and being confident in bed. Feeling good about yourself makes it easier to be confident and relaxed in the bedroom. Men should practice meditation, positive self-talk, and visualization to cultivate a more positive mindset.

Meditation can help reduce stress and anxiety and help out whenever you’re feeling self conscious.

Positive self-talk can help you focus on the positive aspects of your body and sexuality rather than dwelling on any perceived flaws. Visualization can help you imagine yourself as a confident and capable lover, leading to increased confidence in bed.

Bring More to the Table

Having numerous positive qualities makes it simpler to be secure in yourself. A man who has experienced premature baldness can become a wallflower at public events instead of the inimitable life of the gathering he used to be. The reason? His looks were the only source of his self-assurance; life is a struggle without them. 

No one’s perfect, but we can all have at least two (at the minimum) things going for us. It could be the combination of a good physique and a love of adventure, or it’s the combination of an easy-going personality and a sense of humor. Having more than one thing about yourself that you can take pride in will help you become more confident in your relationships and the bedroom.

Don't Compare Yourself to Porn

Pornography can be a great source of sexual arousal, but it’s important to remember that it is not real life.

Porn stars are professionals trained to look and act a certain way. It might not seem like it, but there is a guy behind the camera dictating the actors’ sounds, actions, and every movement. And behind that guy is another called a fluffer whose goal is to make the actor and actress’s genitalia look delicious enough to eat or choke on, depending on your sexual orientation.

Comparison will only lead to self-doubt, unrealistic expectations of yourself, and dissatisfaction in the bedroom when you ultimately cannot live up to the stud on screen.  

Don't Compare Yourself to Other Men

We all have that one friend. You know — the one! The guy who always boasts about how many women he’s slept with, how hot she was, and how she was begging him for more. 

We love his outlandish stories that seem to come out of a fever dream, but here’s the thing. You aren’t that guy.

In a parallel universe, you could be him, but in this time and reality, you’re not. Comparing yourself to him will do nothing but give you self-doubt, anxiety, and suffering. It’s been said “Comparison is the thief of joy” for a reason. 

Use his stories for realistic motivation. For example, if he’s successful in relationships because he understands what women want and how to give it to them, then perhaps learn one thing or two from him.

But if his success stems from being 6’3 (1.91 m), having low body fat with a six-pack, and having a face that came straight from a Marvel comic, then wishing to be him is an unrealistic goal — unless you, too, have all those qualities but it’s buried under 100 lbs of chub. In that case, steal his gym regime and his amazing lovemaking techniques. 

Learn from your peers (if they have good advice), but don’t try to be them. It will bring you more success, inner peace, and happiness.  

Become a Master

One of the best ways to crush self-doubt is to become a master at a particular technique. Whether oral sex, fingering, or something else entirely, having a go-to move that you know works can help you feel more secure and confident when things get intimate.

Start by researching different techniques. We have a few suggestions on the website, so scroll down to the bottom for suggested readings. Then practice them with your partner.

Focus on Pleasure, Not Looks

Sexual pleasure should be the main focus. Instead of worrying about how you look or if you’re doing something wrong, focus on the sensations and feelings that come with being intimate with your partner.

Explore each other’s bodies and find out what feels good for you. This will help build trust and connection between you and your partner, which can help boost your confidence in the bedroom.

Practice Makes Perfect

The more you practice, the more sexually confident you’ll become. Don’t be afraid to experiment and try new things. With each experience, you’ll gain more knowledge and confidence in the bedroom.

Be kind to yourself while you’re in the learning process. Take time to explore different positions, techniques, and even toys if that interests you both.

Try Different Sex Positions

To add excitement to your sex life, try new positions. This can make you more confident in bed when you find a position you enjoy that satisfies both of you. Trying new things also helps you become familiar with yourself and your partner, resulting in better sex.

Need some inspiration? Check this out. 

Learn How to Use Sex Toys

Sex toys can be a great way to add excitement and variety to your sex life. They can also help you become more confident in the bedroom by allowing you to explore different sensations and techniques.

When using sex toys, it’s important to start slow and take your time. Everyone’s body responds differently to stimulation. Start with something small and non-intimidating, such as a vibrator or dildo, and work your way up to more complex toys.

We recommend this toy! It’s guaranteed to give any woman a night she won’t forget. 

Improve Your Oral Sex Skills

A great skill to know and excel at is giving oral sex to your partner. Practice makes perfect!

Start by exploring your partner’s body and discovering what feels good for them. Pay attention to their reactions and use that feedback to help you learn what they like.

Don’t be afraid to try different techniques, such as licking, sucking, or using your hands.

Last Longer and Stay Harder

Many men struggle with premature ejaculation and, as a result, have doubts about their manliness.

The key is to practice techniques that help you control your arousal levels and stay in the moment.

One technique is to focus on your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths and focus on the sensation of air entering and leaving your body. This will help you relax and stay present during sex, which can help you last longer and stay harder.

Another technique is to focus on your partner’s pleasure. Instead of worrying about how long you can last, focus on pleasuring your partner and making them feel good. This will help take the pressure off you and allow you to enjoy the experience more.

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help if needed. Check out this YouTube video for more advice on how to get and stay hard. 


Self-doubt can be a major obstacle to enjoying sex and feeling confident in the bedroom. However, with practice and experimentation, you can become more comfortable in your own body, exclude sexual confidence, and bring your sexual partner to unimaginable heights of pleasure.

Try different sex positions, explore sex toys, improve oral sex skills, and practice techniques to help you last longer and stay harder. With time and effort, you’ll be able to enjoy sex more and feel confident in the bedroom.

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