A troubling thought, isn’t it?
Why should it surprise you? Shouldn’t you already know?
Having sex is a part of everyday life.
Isn’t it a surprise to see our Sex Ed lacking any guides telling us how to do it, how to make her finish, how to last longer, and how long should it last, to begin with?
That’s why we have to rely on each other so we learn what every guy should already know.
Let me tell you a story.
In the summer my friend turned 30, we went on a road trip to celebrate the start of a new decade. We brought our girlfriends, of course. Having packed our bags, we flew to San Francisco, rented a car, and started driving southward.
It was a fun trip. Full of exotic parties, wild sex, and stupid decisions.
One evening, however, my friend came to me looking very stricken. I was leaning on the fence, smoking a cigarette. Instantly, I knew something was wrong.
Turns out, he just finished having sex. But by his expression, I wouldn’t have ever guessed. After a few minutes, he confessed he was feeling terrible because he finished early. Worst of all, that it kept happening to him over last two or three years.
Now, let’s step back for a moment and look at the big picture:
There are three types of ranges of length seen.
- Too Short – lasting typically one to two minutes. Here, you can expect for the guy to maybe thrust a couple of times, and finish before she even got wet.
- Adequate – lasting between three to seven minutes. Here, you may change a position once, a guy can work up a girl just enough to get ready for actual action before finishing.
- Desirable – lasting between seven and thirteen minutes. Here, you may change a position once or twice, and if you are really lucky, the girl will finish.
Let me be frank. I think the ranges are crap. But I’ll get to that in a bit.
My friend barely lasted 2 minutes. And over the last couple of years, his range didn’t vary much from the base minute or two. He would give anything to reach the adequate range, let alone the desirable one.
According to a British study from 2014, 20% of the entire male population suffers from premature ejaculation.
Think about that for a second, one in five guys can’t last longer than two minutes. As for the 60% out of the remaining 80%, no longer than seven minutes.
My friend really wanted to get to an adequate range. But that was the worst way he could approach his problem.
Think about it for a second. He was thinking about himself and how he wanted to reach an average of seven minutes in bed. Nowhere in his approach did he think about her and what was good for her.
You may read this, figure that you are in a comfortable enough range, that you are maybe average or slightly above average or even far above it.
But that’s not the point.
The base problem with questions such as how long should sex last are those statistics.
They provide you with a comfort zone you are satisfied while your partner is far from it. Soon, you may find yourself alone just for that reason.
Now, let me answer the question: it should last as long as you both need it to!
Sometimes, you may find yourself wanting to shroud yourselves in ecstasy and pleasure for an entire afternoon. Sometimes, you may not have the time and opt for a productive quickie instead.
Don’t settle for average, especially with something as important as sex. Settle for control.
The most important thing to get out of this article is a very simple answer. If you have a problem with premature ejaculation, you should have a positive mindset from the get-go.
The road to achieving this goal is a bit more complicated. But with the right mindset and consistent work ethic, everything is achievable.
Let me quickly cover the basics of how to last longer in bed:
Many magazines will try to sell a crapload of easy “guides” that would offer short-term solutions often culminating in a disaster.
Those may include “solutions” varying from thinking about something unattractive while doing it to taking antidepressants.
Trust me, none of these will help you.
There are two things you should be aware of when you want to increase your average time:
What NOT to do
Pumping like a jackrabbit
- You don’t stop, slow down or change the rhythm; you are in before she even realizes what you’re doing.
- Sex is not a race and you definitely don’t get a medal for finishing first. Slow down, and be sure to focus on her, not just your own pleasure.
What TO do
- Edging (also called “peaking,” or the “start-stop” method and a few other names) is a sexual technique whose goal is to bring yourself very close to orgasm but stopping just a few seconds before you orgasm.
- With “edging” … you’ll basically be reversing years of bad masturbation habits and you’ll re-condition yourself to last as long as you want
And those are just a few of many things to do and not to do during sex. But, most importantly, they give you control. And once you master them, you will leave no girl unsatisfied.
After my friend’s confession, I gave him a few tips to improve his performance.
I am happy to say he is still happily married.
He can freely choose how long to last and is not focused only on himself anymore but on making his wife happy.
Until next time,