Hordes of women are interested in anal but afraid to try; others are dead-set against it. It’s not difficult to see why. It’s sometimes messy and painful, and many women only know about it from porn that has too many shots of the camera looking down at a gaping asshole.
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Anal sex is not inherently painful. If done correctly, you can give your partner the most unique and stimulating sexual experience she’s ever had. The orgasms that come from anal can be just as powerful or even better than orgasms from vaginal penetration.
But a lot of guys are going about it wrong! To convince your girlfriend or wife to have anal sex, you must approach the situation with maturity, patience, and respect.
Why is Anal So Pleasurable?
Anal is pleasurable for both men and women for different reasons.
In both, the anal opening has nerve endings that induce pleasure when stimulated. You can get a reaction just by rubbing your finger across the area, and penetration is not needed to have fun with anal.
There’s nothing inside the anal canal that causes orgasms in women; however, the pressure inside the anal canal can indirectly stimulate their G Spot inside the vagina.
On the other hand, men have the male equivalent of the G Spot inside the anal canal and can receive a lot of satisfaction from anal stimulation.
Can Women Orgasm from Anal Sex?
Yes, absolutely. Many women have powerful orgasms and experience a lot of pleasure from anal penetration. You can enhance the experience by massaging her clit or double penetrating her with sex toys which we will discuss later.
How Can I Get My Girlfriend or Wife to Try Anal?
There are a lot of women who have horror stories about anal! All it takes is one overly eager boyfriend or husband rushing into things to put her off of it completely for a very long time.
Anal sex takes a lot more time and patience. If you want to convince your wife to try anal, try these steps.
Address her fears about anal
Emotional and mental roadblocks can prevent women from enjoying anal sex. She’s probably already worried about the sensation, embarrassed by thoughts of an accident or something slipping out, and afraid you might think of her as a slut after anal sex.
For women, sex is more psychological than physical. If she has one million negative thoughts running through her mind, she will not want to try it!
Erase her fears by addressing them directly. Tell her you won’t think of her any differently afterward and promise to go as slowly as she needs.
Create a no-pressure environment
If she’s even slightly willing to try and you pressure her, you completely ruined it!
Women that have never tried anal might be hesitant to have the conversation, and her immediate answer might be no.
Allow her time to make the decision herself. Respect that her decision might come slowly or in phases. Maybe one month, she will agree to a finger inside, and the next, she might decide to take things a little further. Continue to encourage her, but maintain a no-pressure environment.
Openly talk about why you want anal sex, and why she should too
Open dialogue about sexuality is key to a healthy sex life. You should be able to talk about your desires and needs in the bedroom and encourage her to try new things. Tell her how you feel anal will benefit your relationship and how it will strengthen your connection.
There are a lot of misconceptions about anal, so you need to prove to your partner that it doesn’t need to be dirty or painful.
Discuss why you want to try it, why she might actually like it, and how much you want to explore that area of her body. If she understands why you want it, she might agree to try it.
Leave all judgements outside of the bedroom
Maybe she wants anal but is scared you will judge her or be grossed out if something happens while you’re playing with her ass. This can cause a lot of fear and embarrassment that will prevent her from saying yes to anal.
When you play with that area, you have to accept that shit might happen – literally. Reassure her that whatever occurs will not change your opinion of her. This might be a no-brainer to you, but this is not obvious to a woman.
Ease into penetration
Take your time and adequately massage the area first. Anal sex is all about slow movements.
You don’t need to penetrate her with your penis to cause an orgasm. Have her lay down on the bed and rub the opening of her anus with your finger or use your tongue to lick and massage it.
Always use positive reinforcements as you eat her ass. Tell her how beautiful she is, how good she smells, and how much you enjoy it. It will help make her feel confident and relaxed.
What do I do if she says flat-out no to everything – licking, fingering, massaging? Be patient and wait. Accept that she might never be in the mood to do it in the back door.
If you want to convince her otherwise, keep giving her positive reinforcements whenever you discuss it. Remind her that you want to start slowly and gently with only a finger or your tongue because she might think you immediately want to put your penis inside her.
How do I Prepare for Anal Sex?
Things can quickly turn sour with anal which is why so many women have at least one bad experience with it. If done improperly, it’s far from a pleasurable experience. Anal sex does not have to be painful and can lead to amazing orgasms, but make sure she’s ready to go first!
Make her health a priority
Going from her ass to her vagina is not a good idea! The anal canal contains harmful bacteria you do not want to introduce to her pussy.
Don’t use toys inside her vagina that have already been used for anal. The same applies to your fingers and dick.
If you want to go from anal to vaginal sex, put on a condom and replace it with a new one when you change to vaginal sex.
Alternatively, if you’re using your fingers, you can remove the non-latex gloves when you want to change from anal to vaginal sex. Latex allergies are relatively common, so avoid latex when possible.
Properly clean the area
Take a shower, put on something that makes her feel and smell sexy, and then come back to the bedroom.
You can take things to another level by taking the time to rub each other down while kissing, massaging her, and really getting her wet and excited for sex while in the shower. Add candles and whatever else she needs to make the bedroom feel as safe and intimate as possible.
Whatever you do, do not douche immediately before anal! This sounds ridiculous, but you have to trust us on this one. A lot of people misuse douches. You can loosen up whatever might be in there but not altogether remove it. As you can imagine, things will get very messy later on when you start stimulating the area.
Eat her ass
One way to get the area ready for action is to start by eating her ass and telling her how much you love it! When she knows you are enjoying it, she can relax and enjoy the experience. Many women are nervous about that particular area of the body, so anything you can do to make her feel safe and comfortable will result in her wanting to continue and do more.
Use lots of lube
Use a lot of water-based lubricant before and during intercourse. The anus does not self-lubricate, so ensure the area is good to go. Pour a healthy amount of the product onto her anus, the toy, and your fingers. Rub your fingers around that area with the lube. You can also purchase a small needle-less syringe from the drug store, fill it with the lubricant, and insert it inside.
Continue to go slow and make sure she’s relaxed. Many women tense up immediately, so remind her that everything is fine and you can stop whenever. Ask her, “do you like this? Should I go slower?” whenever you feel her tense up. Slowly massage in a circular motion until you pass the sphincter muscle. The sphincter naturally closes and tightens, so get it open by slowly stroking it and getting your partner to relax.
It might help to add a bit of clit stimulation to get her in the mood, relaxed, and ready for sex. You can massage both her clit and anus at the same time.
Start by fingering the outside
Avoid randomly sticking your fingers inside her anus. Always start slow and give her time to relax. If she’s tense or uncomfortable, it’s not going to feel good, and she’ll likely want to avoid ever trying it again.
Slowly massage the area with your fingers and gently insert your fingers inside. She might unconsciously tense up. Gently continue massaging the area without trusting your fingers.
Use circular motions and gentle massages until the area slowly opens up. Continuously reapply lube and allow her to pull you deeper into her.
Use a sex toy
Use any sex toy with care. Keep everything slow and gentle, especially at the beginning.
Insert a vibrating butt plug or dildo while she’s on her back. Get on top of her and insert your penis into her vagina for double penetration. It’s one of the most pleasurable and unique experiences you can have with a woman because you and her will feel the vibrations!
You can also try gently massaging her anus with your finger while she holds a vibrator to her clit. Alternatively, she can insert a Yoni egg or Ben Wa Balls into her pussy while you penetrate or massage her anus.
What Are the Best Positions for Anal Sex?
Keep things low pressure. If she wants to slow down or stop altogether, ensure she feels safe asking for that. When in doubt, just grab some more lube!
Ask her to lay on her back
Many guys think the best position is ass in the air – wrong. She’s better off on her back with pillows under her head and ass.
Place a towel down under her, just in case. Anal sex is not dirty, but occasionally things happen or slip out. Dark-colored towels are better than white ones because if things get messy, you can hide it. Don’t make a spectacle of it; that would only embarrass her and probably put her off of anal sex for a long time.
Doggie with extra care
You fuck her in doggie style or have her lay on her stomach with a pillow under. Place your hand on her back and give her a massage as you fuck her.
We do not recommend doggy to start because the lubricant and juices from her ass can flow down into her vaginal area, which can cause a lot of trouble for her later on. The anal canal has bacteria you do not want to introduce to her vagina.
Be mindful of how wet the area is, or place your fingers right under her anus to stop some juices from flowing downwards into her vagina.
What to Do Afterwards
The aftercare is just as important as the sexual experience itself. Numerous guys will not hear back from a woman because, after sex, they didn’t take the time to care for their partner.
Check in on her throughout sex. After sex, ask her how she feels and what her experience was. Remind her that you care about her and her pleasure. Many women think that men only have sex for themselves, so be the guy that makes his intentions and affection clear.
If she doesn’t stay the night, message her the following day to ask how she’s doing. The message doesn’t have to be long. A simple “I really enjoyed last night, just wanted to check in and see how your feeling?” is enough to make her feel valued and special. When a woman thinks you treat her better than any other man, she will 1000% keep coming back to you. At Sexual Quantum Leap, we want to leave women better and wetter!
