You might be the luckiest man on Earth if your girlfriend loves anal, but perhaps, in your current sex life, you’re craving the intimacy that comes from vaginal intercourse.
Or you’re opposed to anal sex because you think it’s unclean or only for homosexual couples. Either way, when one person is more interested in a particular sexual activity than the other, it can lead to dysfunction in the relationship.
There are plenty of reasons why your girlfriend wants anal sex, and we are going to explain the top five reasons and offer suggestions for what you can do if your kinky girlfriend prefers the backdoor over the front.
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Why Your Girlfriend Wants Anal
There are numerous reasons a woman might prefer anal sex over oral or PIV intimacy (penis in vagina). The only way to know what’s up in your girlfriend’s mind is to ask her. Ensure you make it clear that you’re not judging her for her response, nor are you unhappy, per se, with the way things currently are.
If you aren’t quite ready to have that conversation and get to the bottom of her unexplainable love for the backdoor, we have a few explanations that will satisfy your curious mind in the meantime.
Anal sex might feel a little or significantly better than vaginal sex, depending on her anatomy and yours.
The proper word for vagina is the vulva. The vagina is only one part, where you put your penis inside or where a baby, menstruation, or discharge comes out.
The other parts of her vulva are everyone’s favorite (the clitoris), mons pubis, labia majora, labia minora, urethra, and a few important glands.
Most women get most of their pleasure from clitoral stimulation, which you can do without penetrative sex. G Spot orgasms and other internal vaginal orgasms are possible but are not as common as clitoral ones.
On the other end are the anus, anal canal, rectum, and two sphincter muscles that must relax and open to make anal play possible.
Because the anus has so many nerve endings, stretching it with a finger, dildo, or penis will feel like something. For some women, anal stimulation pushes against the vaginal wall and pelvic muscles, which sends highly pleasurable and arousing sensations throughout the body. For other women with a less sensitive vaginal wall, anal play might feel good because their highly sensitive anus is being stimulated during sex.
If you’re smaller than average, she might prefer anal because the anal canal offers a better fit for your size.
Although all the components are there for a great and satisfying experienced, 79% of women in one study stated that their first anal experience was anything but.
Those who continued to have anal said that the tenderness decreased and pleasure increased over time, most likely from better techniques, more relaxation, and better lubrication.
If you’re having sex without condoms, she might want you to use her backdoor entrance to increase the probability that you will not accidentally get her pregnant. The likelihood of this explanation increases if she is not on any hormonal birth control.
She might think, You can still get STDs from unprotected anal sex, but at least you can’t get pregnant!
The solution is obvious, in this case, if you want to have vaginal sex more often with your girlfriend.
Always have PIV protected sex using high-quality condoms, following her ovulation cycle, using the withdrawal method, and speaking to the doctor about hormonal birth control.
You don’t need every form of contraceptive and pregnancy prevention method on the market right now.
Do your research, as no form of birth control, is 100% fool-proof (That means putting the condom on wrong or forgetting to take the pill) or 100% effective. But that does not mean you can’t enjoy PIV intimacy without fears of an accidental pregnancy.
Possibly, she does not want anal sex but thinks you want it. She might have gotten the idea from her friends who brag about how much their boyfriends get off on anal play or from porn, television, magazines, or social media.
Instead of discussing it with you, she jumped the gun and assumed that, without a doubt, you want to put it in her ass.
Have you tried telling her that you want vaginal sex or prefer it? Being silent in the bedroom about your needs and desires could be why you aren’t getting what you want.
The solution is simple. Just ask your girlfriend why she wants anal sex, tell her that you are open to other sexual activities, and then finish by telling her how much you want vaginal intercourse.
Don’t assume that she knows you want vaginal sex because you’re a man or because of that one time you tried to put it in.
People find strange ways to interpret situations, and unless said directly, then assume that the other person has an entirely different perspective and understanding of the exact same event.
A belief has persisted since before the modern era that if you have sex in the backdoor, you can still technically be a virgin.
Virginity is not as big of an issue today as it was in previous decades, but specific populations still take virginity very seriously! She might be shunned by her community, ridiculed, or perhaps physically harmed in some isolated communities for not being a virgin until marriage.
If your girlfriend is religious, traditional, or from a strict and conservative culture or family, she might save her vagina for marriage. There is really nothing to be done other than marrying the girl as soon as possible— or finding a new, less conservative girlfriend!
She might want anal sex because vaginal sex is painful or uncomfortable for her. There are many reasons why women do not want to have vaginal sex, including, but not limited to, vaginal pain and past trauma.
A condition called vaginismus causes painful contracts of the vaginal muscles during intercourse and prevents many women from enjoying sex. The contracts are uncontrollable, and due to shame, guilt, or lack of understanding, many women don’t comprehend the condition or cannot tell their partners what is happening with their bodies.
The solution is to ask her if she likes vaginal sex and discuss her previous experiences. Did she once have a partner who was too rough? Too large? Too fast?
What to Do If Your Girlfriend Only Wants Anal
If your girlfriend prefers anal play, then the only thing you can do is to learn to love it too or convince her to try something else instead. Here’s what you should do if your partner will only let you stick it in the backdoor.
Anal sex might be intimidating, although you aren’t the receiving partner. Anal is rightfully becoming more popular amongst heterosexual couples, but lingering negative feelings remain surrounding the act. For example, some men believe anal is only for gay men, which can’t be further from the truth. Anyone, straight male or not, can partake in and enjoy stimulation with their chosen person.
Another common concern is that anal sex is dirty. Slip-ups do occasionally happen, but that does not mean anal is dirty. As long as the partner thoroughly washes, avoids anal when there’s an impending bowel movement, and eats enough fiber to have a healthy and regular digestive system, anal does not have to end with someone’s bedsheets being ruined.
It might ease your concerns by having sex inside the shower or on top of a towel to prevent accidents from ruining the evening.
Because the anal canal does not naturally lubricate the way the mouth or vagina does, going in dry can cause your partner pain or even tearing, which leads to infection later on down the line.
No, using saliva from your mouth does not count as good lube.
If you want to know why lubrication is vital to anal, read this article. We discuss the three types of lubrication (water-based, silicone, and oil-based) and give you practical advice on how to use them.
Apply lubricate to both her anal canal and your penis before penetration. Start slow, gently inserting your penis into her body instead of quickly pushing it in. Keep the bottle of lube nearby, in case you need more.
Never try and push past her sphincter muscles; allow her to pull you deeper inside her. Then, start slowly thrusting until you find a pace both of you are comfortable with and enjoy.
And never go from anal to vaginal without changing the non latex condoms or having a quick wash if you’re having unprotected anal sex. The rectum has a unique bacterial environment that you should not introduce to your girlfriend’s vagina with your bare penis, as it could quickly spiral into an itchy, painful, or smelly infection.
A lot of men love giving and receiving anal stimulation. Men have a prostate gland responsible for keeping sperm healthy, close to the anal canal. When stimulated, the sensation is more pleasurable than many other sexual acts. But you don’t have to do full penetration and go deep inside the anal canal to enjoy anal stimulation; try rubbing a finger or tongue around the outer rim.
Even if you don’t want anal play, you can learn to enjoy your current sex life. Many men love anal sex with their female partners because it is tighter and gives a more intense sensation to their penis during intercourse.
Ask your girlfriend to have vaginal sex, even if it’s only once in a while. Compromise with your partner by asking her to give you vaginal sex in exchange for you continuing to give her anal.
She might not be opposed to vaginal sex. Speak with your partner about alternating between vaginal and anal throughout the week, so that both of you are able to get your needs met.
Toys can also get your girlfriend more interested in vaginal stimulation. Purchase a G Spot vibrating wand and a Hitachi wand for her clitoris, and use the G Spot wand to stimulate her G Spot. If you still aren’t sure where the G Spot is or think it’s just a myth, read this article where we demonstrate how to find any woman’s G Spot. As a bonus, we will show you have to find her A Spot, D Spot, and C Spot too.
There are numerous toys on the market that can enhance female sexual pleasure. Keep experimenting with sex toy combinations until you find the perfect one for your partner.
Make anal play more pleasurable by using toys and vibrators. Also, using sex toys for anal stimulation instead of your penis during intercourse could allow your girlfriend to receive the pleasure-inducing sensations that your girlfriend craves while also partaking in vaginal sex. Use a vibrating butt plug to stimulate your partner’s rectum while penetrating her in missionary or doggy style. Other popular choices are anal training kits, inflatable butt plugs, and jewel incrested ones.
Consider yourself a lucky man if your girlfriend loves anal sex. Most men would kill for the smug fit and intense stimulation that anal intercourse offers them.
But we understand that your anal-only lifestyle might be boring or you might be left desiring PIV intimacy after multiple rounds of anal in the bedroom.
In that case, start by understanding why your partner prefers anal and if there’s anything you can do to make her interested in other activities.
Don’t ignore your natural desires, so introduce the topic of exploration and suggest a compromise where you still give her anal, but she gives you something else at least 50% of the time.
In the meantime, practice safe anal play by purchasing high-quality lubricate, going slowly, and listening to her body to avoid pain and discomfort.